


Ticket To The Moon

by ninetyfive



Category: Take That (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Creamcakes, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:16:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 55,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27632626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninetyfive/pseuds/ninetyfive
Summary: Rob is a stowaway on a starship. He snuck on board thinking the ship would take him to the moon, but the starship is actually on its way to the other side of the galaxy! He is quickly discovered by Captain Barlow, the ship’s handsome captain.Captain Barlow reluctantly allows Rob to stay, but the two don’t get on in the slightest, which eventually leads to Rob running away from the ship during a quick stop-over. What follows is a dangerous night on a monster-filled planet during which Captain Barlow has to admit that he likes Rob more than he’s letting on.
Relationships: Gary Barlow/Robbie Williams
Comments: 22
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another multi-chapter Take That fic. Enjoy!

# 1\. Prologue.

_‘Why do you want to go to space?’_

_‘Because it’s there.’_

***

The captain of a starship should not be afraid of heights. He or she should be the bravest, most impressive human you’ve ever met, bar none.

An exception seemed to be made when Gary Barlow became captain of Starship Progress, one of the biggest starships owned by the Northern Space Alliance, or England’s biggest space agency. Heights terrify him. At the Northern Space Academy, where people train for a job in space, he’d always refuse to take part in scary activities like ejecting yourself out of an escape pod or flying starships alone.

One time, when he had to scale the heights of a spherical starship in the Edgeworth-Kuiper belt, Gary was too afraid to open his eyes. On a training session on Mirinoi many moon cycles ago, he once ran away from a harmless horse. Not to mention his irrational fear of accidentally travelling through space so quickly that he will go back in time.

Despite all this, Gary Barlow is quite a good captain really. He can navigate the stars like no other. He aced his Stellar Cartography exam. He loves the mechanical aspects of starships, allowing him to fix broken parts easily and effectively, especially when their inner workings are similar to those of keyboards. At home, he has an entire collection of 21th-century space memorabilia. He has connections throughout the Northern Space Alliance. He also has extensive knowledge of old Earth pop music.

Most of all, Captain Barlow is simply a good man. In space – where there are still hundreds of thousands of civilizations that humans have yet to discover – being good is sometimes more important than being the bravest person at the Academy. 

Besides, S.S. Progress isn’t like other starships in that it is always on the look-out for conflict or war – it is a travelling space circus. According to the ad, S.S. Progress “combines the popular music from Earth with circus-based artistic performances that can only be found in space.” It’s the only one of its kind.

In other words, Gary Barlow’s most impressive skill is not ascending to dizzying heights or parachuting out of a burning starship, but spreading joy to all civilizations in the galaxy. This is Captain Barlow’s calling in life, and the one thing he loves doing most of all.

Unfortunately, even good captains sometimes make mistakes. S.S. Progress is about to lift off into the stars, and he neglected to check for stowaways.  
  


# 2\. Ticket to the moon.

We start our story in the cargo bay of S.S. Progress, an empty room with a tall roof and a metallic floor filled with wires. It’s really nothing more than what 21st-century readers might call a “storage room”, and it is full of wooden crates with tinned goods in them.

Hidden between two large provisions crates on the floor, there is a young man. He rubs his eyes only to doze off again two seconds later. It’s been a long night for him, and it’s hard to tell what time it is on a starship. There is only the one porthole in the entire room, and the only thing you can see out of it is the ground of Trafford Spaceport. Quietly, the young man sleeps.

The man is Rob, one of the heroes of our story. Unlike Captain Barlow, whom he’s never heard of, Rob is very stubborn and brave and always making jokes. You’ll have to be, if you want to sneak on board of a starship.

However. Rob isn’t _always_ brave. He suffers from anxiety quite a lot, which means that sometimes he prefers staying at home and staring at the stars. It took him many moon-cycles to finally make the one-hundred-mile journey to Trafford Spaceport, one of three Spaceports in England. On previous occasions, he had been too distracted and scared to go through with it.

Naturally, stowaways are strictly prohibited on starships. Official starship crewmen have to undergo several medical examinations to determine that they are not carrying terrible diseases that will wipe out an entire alien species, so having an unexamined stowaway on board could have disastrous consequences. As a result, security checks for starships are incredibly rigorous. Readers from the 21st century will probably be familiar with the security checks at airports. It’s a bit like that, but much stricter and scarier.

Our Rob didn’t go through any of that. That night, he’d snuck out of his flat in Stoke and hitchhiked the 36 miles to Trafford spaceport with only one purpose: getting to the moon.

Rob has been dreaming of travelling to space all his life, even going as far as staying up all night to spot alien spaceships in the night sky. Sadly, tickets to the moon are very expensive, and Rob doesn’t have any money because he’s too socially anxious to get a job. He decided to do what every space-loving young man would do and decided to go to the moon the illegal way.

Once at Trafford Spaceport, Rob soon spotted a hole in the gate surrounding the spaceport and snuck through it. He pressed himself to the ground, waited for the cover of darkness (it was a foggy night, perfect for illegal sneaking-on-board-of-a-starship purposes), and, at the right moment, jumped in the back of a luggage car. He then waited for the driver to stop at his chosen starship – a ship headed to the Earth’s moon, of course – and rolled out of the back of the car before the driver could spot him.

He hid behind some provisions crates designated for another – much bigger – starship and watched as four luggage handlers started unloading the bags from the luggage car he’d hitched a ride on. From his vantage point, he could see two starships: one small one owned by an English spaceline – the space version of an airline –, and one much bigger ship.

He had no idea where the big ship was headed exactly. He could tell it was an A-type starship, which means it had bio-neural circuitry, variable geometry warp nacelles and a class-9 warp drive. For those who don’t know what that means, it means that the ship can travel to the other side of the Milky Way in less than a moon-cycle.

As impressive as the A-type starship was, Rob wanted to get on board of the smaller ship, which he knew was headed to the moon. He’d have to find a way to get on board of the small ship without any of the luggage handlers noticing him. His only option was taking the same road as the luggage, which was being loaded onto a small conveyer by two crewmen. At the end of the conveyor belt, there was the gaping hole of the small ship’s cargo bay.

The conveyor belt was also being used to transport large wooden crates. The crates were big enough to fit a human inside it. This was Rob’s only chance. 

It wasn’t easy to find a suitable crate in the dark, but eventually, Rob found a crate that had a loose top panel. He threw his rucksack into the crate, squeezed himself inside of it and slid the panel back into place. Thankfully, he’d managed to pick a crate filled with tin cans.

Quietly, Rob waited. He gave a little gasp when the crate was suddenly lifted up from the ground and he started moving. The crate had begun its ascend up the conveyor belt. Through a small gap in between two panels in the crate, Rob thought he could see the spaceport gradually disappearing from view.

His heart skipped a beat. He’d done it. He was going to the moon!

All of that happened a while ago now. He made sure ten minutes had passed between the sound of the cargo bay closing and making his next move.

Once he was sure he was alone, he removed the loose panel and climbed out of the crate. He found himself in a dark space filled with similar-looking crates. Exhausted from his nightly adventures, Rob fell asleep on the floor of the cargo bay just three minutes later, his small backpack clutched to his chest.

He’d packed for a long weekend to the Moon and back.  
  


# 3\. Lift-off.

Rob wakes to an awesome tremor. You’ll have to forgive him for thinking it’s an earthquake, but it’s actually the starship taking off.

The entire cargo bay is trembling. He feels like he’s inside a centrifuge and his brain is about to shake loose from his head.

He can jump out of the way just in time to avoid a loose crate tipping over. His ears pop. He can feel several atoms shifting inside his tummy and arms. He tries not to think of that one time he saw a 1200-word essay on his favourite space forum that claimed that if you travel through space hard enough, you can travel through time.

He stumbles onto the floor of the cargo bay. Vibrations ripple through his entire body. His stomach plunges. He closes his eyes. He thinks he’s about to throw up.

All of a sudden, the violence stops.

Rob opens one eye. He touches his chest; checks if he’s still alive. Apart from the crate that tipped over – making tinned goods spill out across the metal floor of the cargo bay – there is no evidence that the last few seconds or minutes actually happened.

What _did_ happen? Was it an earthquake? Or was he dreaming?

Rob pinches his arm. Not a dream. He’s still in the cargo bay, alone. So what just happened to him?

Conveniently, Rob spots a small porthole next to some wooden crates that shifted during the tremors. Perhaps it _was_ an earthquake, and the ship is having some technical difficulties and it can’t leave Trafford Spaceport yet.

Rob tiptoes across the deserted cargo bay to have a look. He was expecting to see the spaceport, lit up in the dark.

Instead, Rob sees planet Earth.

Rob has to cover his mouth with his hand to stop an expletive from coming out. He is filled with a feeling unlike any he’s ever felt before: a mix of awe and longing and homesickness, all rolled into one. The big rock that Rob woke up on that morning is suddenly _right there_ , circling in the empty expanse that we call space.

Weirdly enough, Rob didn’t really consider that going to the moon would take him away from his _home._ Like so many stowaways before him, he snuck on board of the moonliner just so he could see the moon. He wanted to see the moon’s mountains. He wanted to run his hands across the surface of the grey rock. He might even have wandered as far into the dark side of the moon as he dared.

Rob’s trip was always about the stars, not Earth. So now that he’s actually here, sort of looking back at himself through space, he’s become very acutely aware of what he’s actually left behind.

Is the moon really that interesting, compared to that brilliant jewel in the black velvet sky? Is the Earth not the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen? Will there be spacespotters who are looking at him through a telescope like _he_ once did?

Staring at the Earth like this, Rob’s lungs fill with a wave of sadness and anxiety. A single tear rolls down his cheek that he has to rub away with the back of his hand. He’s quite happy that his plan succeeded and that he’s finally going to the Moon, but he also misses his home already. Rob suffers from anxiety sometimes, so very occasionally there are weeks when he barely leaves his bed apart from when there’s a meteor storm outside his window.

It’s a miracle Rob even managed to get to Trafford Spaceport at all, to be fair. He’s been planning his visit to the moon for many months, but his fear of the outside world always scared him, meaning he never even got to see a proper spaceship from up close until today. Rob isn’t afraid of space, but he is often terrified of the world outside of his bedroom window.

Now that he thinks about it, he figures he’s going to miss his bed especially. Him being a stowaway, Rob probably won’t have a bed to sleep on, and frankly the floor of cargo bay won’t do. It’s way too cold and hard. He’s going to have to look for a place to settle down for the night.

Surely there will be a little hideout going spare?  
  


# 4\. Navigating the ship.

Walking around on a spaceship is easier than you might think. It’s not at all like walking down the aisle of an aircraft, which will dip and shudder throughout the flight, making you feel dizzy and nauseous.

Being on a starship is actually more like being on an underground train. You’ll feel the ship shake and accelerate every now and then, sometimes stopping completely, but other than that the ride is quite smooth really. Rob will be able to sneak out of the cargo bay without falling over.

He just needs to figure out where he’s going.

Rob slides open the door of the cargo bay slowly, creating a big enough gap for him to peek through. He sees a wide corridor coated in metallic grey paint. Wires cover the floor. The walls are angled on both sides, creating a peculiar-looking sort of tunnel. The corridor feels cold.

On the floor, there is a strip of light running all the way to the other side of the corridor. There are no windows; just large strips of grey wall alternated with heavy-looking doors. A light on the ceiling is flickering, creating an eerie atmosphere.

It looks for all the world like Rob’s merely about to step into the universe’s most uninviting hotel corridor, but his head knows better. This is his first venture inside a starship. A _moonliner_. He presses his hand to his chest to stay his heartbeat and takes a deep breath.

Carefully, Rob steps out of the cargo bay. To his surprise, the corridor is empty. This being a moonliner, he was expecting to see a lot more people: stewards and stewardesses, but engineers too. Where is everyone? _Strange._

Still Rob treads carefully. He slings his rucksack over his right shoulder and starts his exploration on his tiptoes. He heads left, towards the flickering light. He runs his hands across the walls, feeling the cold metal against the tips of his fingers. The sound of his own footsteps remind him of ascending a fire escape: that hollow sound of shoe-against-metal.

After five minutes of walking through the corridor – meeting no-one –, Rob comes across a red sign on the wall. The sign stands out because it’s the only thing in the corridor that has any colour. Everything else is a stark grey or white.

In big black letters, the sign reads “DECK 04”.

This makes the hair on the back of Rob’s neck stand up. From what he’s read on his favourite “spacespotter” internet forum, which he frequents daily, moonliners, or commercial spacecraft that fly to the moon and back, have only two decks.

There is Deck 01, where passengers stay throughout the journey, and Deck 02, or the deck where passengers aren’t allowed to go. That’s it. Moonliners have had two decks ever since the Northern Space Alliance launched its first commercial spacecraft to the moon many Earth orbital rotations ago. Everyone knows this.

So why has Rob suddenly found himself on Deck 04 of a _moonliner?_ It must be some sort of mistake. The sign on the wall is _wrong_. It must be.

Using his phone (in the 24th century, the internet has finally been acknowledged as a universal human right, meaning it’s freely available in all of space), Rob posts a frantic message on his favourite spacespotter forum, an online forum dedicated to all things related to space. “Spacespotters” is a term used for people who stay up all night staring at the night sky.

He types, “CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY I’VE JUST ENDED UP ON A MOONLINER WITH MORE THAN TWO DECKS?” and hits send. (The way Rob types makes him sound like he’s always in distress. He’s not. He’s just dyslexic, and writing in all-caps helps him cope.)

He gets no replies.

Rob keeps going, his heart racing a little quicker. He reaches a sort of T-junction. On both sides, there is another corridor like the one he’s in now: grey, dark, cold, wires covering the floor. Above him, he spots an old-fashioned security camera pointed at a door with several hazard warnings plastered all over it. He can hear a sound not dissimilar to someone welding two pieces of metal together.

The sound indicates that there is someone behind the hazard-warning door, probably a crewman. Rob anxiously heads left.

He comes across another sign: “DECK 04 – CARGO BAYS, LIVING QUARTERS, METAL WORKSHOP.” He stops in his tracks to read it, a bead of sweat running down his back.

_Cargo bays. Living quarters. Metal workshop._ Why would a moonliner have living quarters? A trip to the moon only takes thirteen hours. 

Rob feels his tummy tightening. More beads of sweat run down his temple. He can feel his hands shaking. The awe and excitement that Rob felt when he saw planet Earth for the first time feel very far away.

Something isn’t right. Never mind the sign on the wall – where _is_ everyone? The lower deck of a moonliner ought to be filled with people. He ought to be hiding from engineers and stewards everywhere he goes. He ought to hear the screechy scraping of cutlery from the business-class restaurant on the upper deck.

Instead, he is alone. The only thing he can hear is that strange welding noise.

Rob should not mind that he is alone – after all, he _is_ a stowaway, and if he gets caught he will be in an awful lot of trouble with the Northern Space Alliance – but the lack of crewmen is worrying all the same. This isn’t what he thought fulfilling his boyhood dream would feel like at all.

Like a lot of people before him, Rob’s obsession with space started when he was quite young. He must have been about five or six when he was sat in his garden in his home town when he saw this massive star appearing in the night sky, brighter and bigger than anything he’d ever seen. At first, he thought it might be the Northern Star that he had learned about in his Astronomy lessons at school.

Then Rob noticed that the star was moving left. It was moving in a perfectly straight line. Unlike any aircraft or other stars that he had seen appearing in the night sky before, this star did not blink.

He turned to his mum, who was reading a book on her holographic tablet. It was quite a cheap model compared to the e-books the other people in the town had.

‘Mum, look!’ And Rob pointed at the star, moving still.

‘Beautiful, isn’t it?’ said Mum, who’d seen the star too. She explained that the star was in fact a spacecraft, moving in orbit around the Earth before joining the International Space Station – or ISS. The ISS used to serve as a space environment research lab before closing down in 2030 and becoming a tourist attraction ten years later. A commercial spacecraft heads to the ISS once every moon-phase, and you’ll have to be very lucky to actually see one in light-polluted residential areas at night.

It was the first live spacecraft Rob had ever spotted.

‘Are all spacecraft like that?’ Rob asked, eyes wide open. He was still staring at the place in the sky where the star had been, now empty.

‘Like what?’

‘So bright!’ Rob pouted. ‘ _I_ want to be bright too.’

‘Oh, but you _are_ bright,’ Mum said. She ruffled his hair. ‘You got that B for English the other day, remember?’

That was Mum’s way of saying they’d never be able to afford to go to space. Nevertheless, Rob spent the rest of his life dreaming of being on board of one of those bright spacecraft himself.

When he was old enough to finally be allowed on the internet, the first thing Rob did was join an online forum about spacespotting. He’d spend all his free time learning about all the different spacecraft in the night sky and taking part in heated online debates about whether or not a holiday resort should be built on the lakes of Europa, the moon.

He’d put up posters of far-away planets on the walls in his bedroom, getting rid of them only when he started inviting crushes up to his room to have sex with them. Even as he grew older, he wanted nothing else than to one day travel to the stars himself.

So why can’t he shake the feeling that he’s made a terrible mistake by sneaking on board of this ship?  
  


# 5\. The captain’s ready room.

Several hours have passed since take-off. Like an airplane soaring leisurely through the sky, SS Progress is on a steady course to its destination. The bridge has filled with half a dozen crewmen. (The bridge is the ship’s operation’s centre, comparable to an airplane’s cockpit. It’s a lot bigger, however, and filled with tempting buttons you must never press.) Here, an officer is manning the flight control console; there, you can see a navigator poring at a map of the Milky Way. Everyone looks relaxed.

Everything is going as planned, so Captain Barlow decides to retire to his ready room, his private office. He’s planning to spend the next hour or so reading boring files about the ship’s first destination while listening to cheesy 20th-century pop music.

If you’re a reader from the 21st century, you might wonder what the captain of a spaceship actually _does_. To put it simply, the captain of a starship is the most important person on board. He makes all the important decisions. Everything he says must be obeyed, always.

He may not fly the actual ship himself – he’s got people to do that _for_ him –, but he’s still the one who sets the starship’s course. _He_ decides, and no-one else, where the ship is going. It makes the captain of a starship one of the most powerful people in the galaxy.

The Captain is just about to retreat to his ready room when he’s approached by the ship’s security officer, Officer Orchid. ‘Captain Barlow, a word?’

‘Permission granted,’ Captain Barlow says. He’s put on his important “I’m the Captain of this ship and you’ll do as you’re told” voice. Then, in a more casual tone, he adds, ‘Make it quick, though, Orchid – I was just about to listen to this brilliant band I discovered in the Earth archives the other day. D’you know what, our Swedish ancestors really knew how to make pop music.’ Captain Barlow is a bit of a music geek.

Officer Orchid is not. He is always serious. He has a constant frown on his forehead. ‘I am not sure if our Swedish ancestors would approve of what I am about to tell you, Captain. There have been sightings of an adult male breaching security at Trafford Spaceport. There is footage of him coming in close proximity of our ship thirty minutes before take-off. People on the ground are worried that he made his way on board of this very ship.’

Gary makes a punctuated _hum_ with his mouth. He wasn’t expecting that. A potential stowaway is any captain’s worst nightmare. (Even worse than that time he accidentally spilled lemon juice from Kepler-186f all over one of his precious vintage keyboards.) ‘I was hoping you’d tell me something positive, to be honest.’

‘As was I, Captain. What should I say to the other security officers?’

‘Tell them to double the surveillance on the quasarlifts as well the vaults on the lower decks,’ Gary orders. He effortlessly reverts back to his “I’m the Captain of this ship and you’ll do as you’re told” voice. ‘If there _is_ a stowaway on board, he’ll probably want to move to the upper decks using the quasarlifts in the cargo bay. It shouldn’t be that hard to find him.’

While the prospect of having a stowaway on board is worrying, Gary isn’t planning to lose any sleep over it. The Northern Space Alliance has rules and laws in place for these kinds of things, so if they do find an unauthorised person on board, they’ll deal with it.

Gary retires to his ready room five minutes later. The captain’s ready room is where the captain of a starship can do boring administrative work without being distracted by everything that goes on at the bridge. Sometimes, the ready room is also used for private discussions with important Northern Space officers. Think of it as the headmaster’s office at a school, if headmasters had large panoramic windows with a view of the Milky Way.

Unlike other captains’ ready rooms, Captain Barlow’s ready room is packed with vintage items like old-fashioned 20th-century keyboards and something people used to call a “record player”. His walls are covered in pictures of all his favourite Earth heroes: Björn and Benny, Jürgen Klopp, Luke Skywalker and Elton John.

The room also comes with a voice-activated computer. **‘Welcome back, Captain Barlow.’**

For those who have never travelled on a starship, the on-board computer is a disembodied voice-activated computer that can answer all questions about the universe as long as they do not have to do with feelings. It also makes important announcements and warns crewmen when something is wrong.

It’s generally seen as bad form when you do not reply to the on-board computer even though it’s not an actual sentient being. ‘Thank you, Computer.’ Gary takes off his captain’s jacket – revealing a sleeveless black shirt underneath – and hangs it on a metallic clothes peg. He asks the on-board computer to put on _The Visitors_ by ABBA, an old band from the 20th century, and sinks into his desk chair.

In front of him is a holographic touch screen. 21st-century readers won’t be familiar with this. Imagine your television screen, but see-through. It’s also connected to the on-board computer, meaning it’s voice-activated. ‘Computer, show all intel on Sedna.’

The holographic screen flickers on to display a webpage that looks rather like an old-fashioned encyclopaedia. Gary clicks the section named “culture and music”, sits back, puts on his reading glasses and starts to read.

Gary has been interested in the cultures of alien civilizations ever since he could read, pop culture especially. All he’s ever wanted to do was to learn to play the delicate melodies that extra-terrestrial songs are known for. It’s why he became the captain of S.S. Progress, the universe’s first-ever space circus, which combines modern pop music with acrobatic performances.

S.S. Progress is arguably the first-ever starship that has pledged not to do any harm. In the past, humans would simply rush through the undiscovered parts of the galaxy with their weapons and guns held high, colonizing every uninhabited planet they could find as though they had never had a single lesson about the evils of white colonialism at school. They would claim pieces of alien land without asking who owned it. They’d wipe out entire species with their human diseases.

It took many years of space discovery for humankind to realise that their expeditions were doing more harm than good. This is why the Northern Space Alliance – the owner of 70% of English starships – built S.S. Progress: so humans could share their music and entertainment with the rest of the galaxy, but, more importantly, learn about other cultures too.

For making music and performing in front of an audience isn’t exclusively human; even Martians and men from the moon make music, often for entertainment purposes. What better way is there to explore the universe than doing so through the power of a good circus show?  
  


# 6\. Discovery

Captain Barlow is still reading about Sedna, the planet, in his ready room when the music stops and the disembodied voice of the on-board computer stutters into life.

**‘Captain. I have detected unauthorized access to cabin 145.A on Deck 04. I fear this may be the stowaway Trafford Spaceport warned us about. Should I alert the Northern Space Alliance’s security officers and put the ship on red alert?’**

Gary sits up straight. He clicks away the online encyclopaedia on his holographic screen and quickly finds the schematics of the ship in front of him.

By the looks of it, cabin 145.A is a cabin usually reserved for lower-ranking ensigns. It is now unoccupied. It has a bed, an ensuite bathroom and simple storage facilities. Until recently, the room was occupied by Ensign Kim, who – according to the information on Gary’s screen – complained that it was impossible to get a good night’s sleep because of the quasarlifts next-door. Every time someone travelled to one of the lower decks using one of the lifts, Ensign Kim would tumble out of his bed and hit his head against the wall.

No-one in their right mind would sneak into the cabin unless they were up to something. It must be the stowaway.

Officer Orchid was right.

Captain Barlow is suddenly faced with the first big decision of their journey. He runs a list of memorized rules through his head. Northern Space regulation states that a starship should be put on red alert the _moment_ an unauthorised presence is detected. Red alert basically means that no-one is allowed to leave the room they are in. All of the work on the ship will stop while security officers from Northern Space search the ship for the stowaway.

The Northern Space Alliance pretty much rules this part of space, so it’s not a decision that a captain should take lightly. It could even lead to their journey being delayed.

**‘Captain Barlow.’** The on-board computer does not like being kept waiting. While it technically does not have a personality, it could still be accused of sounding impatient. **‘Should I alert the Northern Space Alliance’s security officers and put the ship on red alert?’**

‘Negative, Computer.’

Gary gets up from his chair – his holographic touch screen automatically turns itself off – and puts his captain’s jacket back on, making him instantly recognizable. ‘I’m going to deal with this one on me own, I reckon. I don’t want to put everyone off their work. Should be interesting, this, though – I’ve never had a stowaway before.’

**‘What will you do once you find him?’**

Gary hadn’t thought of that. ‘Remind me what the procedure is, Computer?’

**‘When a stowaway is discovered on board of a starship, the captain should immediately contact Northern Space on the ground. A Northern Space security officer will then transport themselves on board and escort the stowaway back to Earth, where they can face up to five Earth orbital rotations in prison. It is vital that you follow these procedures, Captain.’**

Gary turns his bushy eyebrows into a frown. ‘What happens if I don’t?’

**‘You, too, will face trial. You will lose your stripes, and S.S. Progress – and everything on it – will be taken into Northern Space custody.’**

‘Including my rare pressing of _Parachutes?_ ’ (One of Gary’s weird obsessions is collecting old Earth records even though nobody listens to them anymore.)

**‘Yes, Captain. Even that.’**

With that warning in mind, Captain Barlow takes a shortcut to Deck 04, where the stowaway is most likely to be.

As he feared, the door of the cabin is ajar. It shouldn’t be. Cautiously Gary enters. He’s expecting the intruder to be a strong-looking guy with a broken nose and several missing teeth. He has read and learned about stowaways at the Northern Space Academy, where he trained for five years, and stowaways are usually intimidating folk who climb on board of starships to steal classified technology. Many starships have been lost to scary scavengers.

The stowaway on board of S.S. Progress isn’t at all like that. Gary spots him easily. An adult male three or four years Gary’s junior, the intruder is staring out of a porthole, unaware of the Captain’s presence. He smiles broadly as the ship rushes past one star after another, and for a second all the rules Gary learned at the Academy leap out of his brain like a Martian frog.

Gary was expecting the stowaway to be a ruthless criminal, but instead he has found someone who is actually rather . . . sweet-looking. Gary knows this is an unprofessional thought to be having about an intruder, who ought to be ejected from the ship really, but who can blame him when the cosmos has given him a stowaway who smiles at the stars so sweetly?

Gary is so lost in thought, wondering where the stowaway came from, that for a second he forgets what he learned about stowaways at the Academy.

The intruder turns away from the porthole slowly.

He has stopped smiling.

Something shiny glints inside his hand.

A weapon?

Gary’s training kicks in again. He removes his gun from the inside of his jacket and points it squarely at the intruder’s chest. ‘Drop your weapon! _Now!_ ’

The intruder goes stiff from shock. He drops what he was holding – nothing more than a smartphone – and raises his hands into the air. All the colour disappears from his face. He looks suddenly a lot younger than Gary thought he was. ‘P-please don’t hurt me.’

Gary’s chest tenses with guilt. He tries to remember his training. This is harder than it should be, when the stowaway is so ridiculously pretty. ‘What’s your name, lad?’

‘R-Rob. Robert Williams.’ The intruder looks at Gary’s gun fearfully. (Rob won’t know this – his favourite spacespotter forum doesn’t discuss space weaponry –, but Gary’s weapon is actually a non-lethal space gun. It fires green-coloured lasers that will sting for a bit, but it can’t seriously harm you unless you are made of wood or plastic.)

‘How did you get here?’

‘I – I snuck on board in a crate. It was very, _very_ uncomfortable.’ The intruder’s voice has gone very small and quiet. He looks terrified. ‘Will you eject me into space now?’

With difficulty, Gary calls to mind what the on-board computer told him. He knows that if he doesn’t follow regulation, he, too, will face trial. He could lose the stripes on his shoulders, forcing S.S. Progress to stop its journey before they could even reach Mars. A lot of livelihoods are on the line here. Not to mention the fact that a lot of people in the cosmos are counting on their visit.

‘Computer?’

**‘Yes, Captain?’**

‘Alert Northern Space. Tell them . . .’

Gary falters on those words. He accidentally looks the stowaway in the eye, and his heart skips a beat as though he’s just missed a step going down the ladder of a spacecraft. His chest floods with warmth. His tummy does a weird sort of fluttering motion. It feels as though there’s a Martian moth stuck inside it.

To Gary, these feelings remind him uncomfortably of when he was still at the Northern Space Academy and training to become a captain. He was once asked to climb a massive man-shaped robot on the plains of Mars, and his heart started racing so hard that he thought he would die of a heart attack.

Gary’s instructor persuaded him to do the climb in the end, but every time he misplaced his foot on the metal rungs inside the robot’s metal frame, his heart would nearly jump out of his chest.

By the time Gary finally made it to the robot’s viewing platform, his tummy ached so badly that he fainted. He woke up in a Martian hospital bed feeling warm and warm and sweaty all over.

In other words, looking at the stowaway does not make him feel good. He feels sweaty and nervous and warm and scared, just like did when he was still at the Academy, and he hates the stowaway for it. 

‘Computer, tell Northern Space that we have an intruder on board.’

‘No – don’t, _please_.’ The intruder takes a step forward. Gary’s gun trembles inside his hands. ‘I only snuck on board cos I wanted to see the stars. I’m not even armed.’ He turns out the pocket of his trousers. Nothing falls out but a single, sorry penny. ‘See? Not armed.’

**‘Captain.’** It’s the on-board computer. **‘Shall I proceed to alert the Northern Space Alliance?’**

Gary feels a flicker of hesitation when the stowaway smiles at him sadly.

Gary looks away only to find himself glancing at a tattoo on the stowaway’s skin: a tattoo of a planet. Blue and green, it looks a lot like Sedna, the planet where SS Progress is headed. Is it a coincidence? It could be.

It makes Gary’s heart miss another beat all the same.

‘Negative, Computer.’ Gary swallows hard. Against his better judgment, he puts away his space gun slowly. The stowaway lets out a little sigh of relief. ‘I reckon Northern Space are probably too busy cleaning up that oil-spill in the lakes on Europa to answer our calls right now.’

‘Does that mean I’m not gonna be ejected into space and die a terrible death?’ The stowaway looks like he can’t quite believe his luck. ‘I’m allowed to stay? Seriously?’

‘For the time being. We’re too far into our journey to send a pod back to Earth, anyway. It wouldn’t be safe. I can still decide to change me mind, though.’

Gary blows out a long, shaky breath. Why does it feel like he’s just made the biggest mistake of his career? If the Northern Space Alliance ever find out about this, he’ll never be allowed into space again.

Still, it’s too late to go back now.

‘I’ll ask the ship’s doctors to put you through a series of medical checks to make sure you’re not carrying anything potentially contagious,’ Gary says. ‘You’re not allowed to leave this cabin until the doctors clear you for space travel. In the meantime, I want you to stay out of trouble. Is that clear?’

The stowaway doesn’t look like he entirely understood. On his favourite spacespotting forum, there aren’t any threads about medical procedures in space either. ‘I guess? I mean, yes. I suppose.’

‘Yes – _what?_ ’ Gary puts on his important “I’m the Captain of this ship and you’ll do as you’re told” voice again. He puts his hands on his hips to make himself look more imposing, just as he was taught. ‘You heard how the computer addressed me just now, didn’t you?’

The stowaway’s cheeks flush out of embarrassment. ‘Yes . . . Captain.’

Gary’s tummy does a weird flutter hearing the stowaway say those words.

‘Say it again. Say it like you _mean_ it.’

‘Y-Yes, Captain. U-Understood, Captain.’ The stowaway has gone very red in the face. Gary has to stop himself from looking and feeling very smug. ‘So how long will this medical thing take, then?’

Gary crosses his arms. ‘One moon-phase, at most.’

‘ _One_ moon-phase?’ Rob is sure the Captain is wrong. In layman’s terms, one moon-phase can last up to several days. ‘But a journey to the Earth’s moon only takes a couple of hours.

‘The Earth’s moon, Stowaway?’

‘Isn’t that where we’re going? I thought that’s where we were going.’

Gary laughs out loud. ‘You’ve climbed on board of the wrong ship, you have. We’re not going to the moon – we’re headed to the outer edges of the solar system. You’re going to be away from home for a long time, lad.’


	2. Chapter 2

# 7\. A sleepless night.

_Stars that split the moon and a dancing heart_

_It is time_

_Our secret signal that only I know_

_‘Hello’, I was waiting for you_

***

It’s the 24th century. We are several days into S.S. Progress’ journey to the other side of the galaxy.

Rob, the hero of our story, and a stowaway, is not allowed to leave his cabin until he gets the all-clear from the medical team. The last person he spoke to was Captain Barlow, who asked him very official questions such as ‘Why do you want to go to space?’ during what very much felt like a police interrogation.

Rob’s answer was ‘Because it’s there,’ and that was that.

At one in the morning, Rob decides to create a brand new thread on his favourite spacespotting forum. (Thankfully, the internet became freely available in space not that long ago, and Rob was allowed to keep his smartphone.) The forum is his go-to place when suffering from his anxiety.  
  


**HAS ANYONE ELSE EVER GOTTEN STUCK ON A STARSHIP ?**

Discussion in **General space topics** started by @ **ROB** , Stardate **24.023008**

  
_I THINK I MAY HAVE MADE A MISTAKE LADS … A VERY BIG MISTAKE …_

_TO SUMMARIZE: I TRIED SNEAKING ON BOARD OF A MOONLINER SEVERAL MOON-PHASES AGO … I THOUGHT I WAS PRETTY SUCCESSFUL IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF … BUT THEN THE CAPTAIN OF THE SHIP FOUND ME AND HE TOLD ME THAT THE SHIP ISN’T HEADED TO THE MOON AT ALL … IT’S ACTUALLY HEADED TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE UNIVERSE … AND THERE’S NO WAY OF ME GETTING BACK TO EARTH BECAUSE THE SHIP HAS ALREADY LEFT THE EARTH’S ORBIT …_

_THE CAPTAIN ALLOWED ME TO STAY … HIS MEDICAL TEAM PUT ME THROUGH SOME VERY UNCOMFORTABLE MEDICAL EXAMINATIONS TO MAKE SURE I’M FIT FOR SPACE TRAVEL … AND WHILE I WAIT FOR THE GUYS TO GIVE ME THE ALL-CLEAR I’M STUCK INSIDE THIS CABIN …_

_IT’S QUITE COMFORTABLE REALLY,, IT’S GOT A BED AND A BATHROOM AND A PORTHOLE THAT I CAN LOOK OUT OF … I’VE EVEN BEEN GIVEN SOME FOOD AND A CHANGE OF CLOTHES … BUT MY CABIN IS NEXT TO SOME QUASARLIFTS SO I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP AT ALL … THERE’S JUST TOO MUCH NOISE …_

_I’M HAPPY THAT THE CAPTAIN ALLOWED ME TO STAY BUT I’M ALSO TERRIFIED … HE TOLD ME THAT THE JOURNEY WILL TAKE AT LEAST SIX MOON-CYCLES … MEANWHILE MY MUM IS STILL ON EARTH … I’VE BEEN ABLE TO TEXT HER AND TELL HER I’M ALL RIGHT BUT I REALLY DO MISS HER …_

_I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO ONCE I FINALLY GET THE ALL-CLEAR AND I’M ALLOWED TO LEAVE THIS CABIN … I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF SHIP I’M ON … I’VE TRIED TALKING TO THE ON-BOARD COMPUTER BUT I DON’T THINK SHE RESPONDS TO MY VOICE … ALL I KNOW IS THAT I’M STUCK AND THAT I’M HEADED TO THE END OF THE UNIVERSE AND THAT I’M ACTUALLY QUITE TERRIFIED …_

_I CAN’T REMEMBER EVER READING ABOUT STOWAWAYS ON THIS FORUM BUT I WAS WONDERING IF ANYONE COULD TELL ME WHAT TO DO ?_

  
Rob refreshes his favourite forum for the next ten minutes, desperate for a reply. At 01:43, his thread finally updates with a reply from one forum member named @A_Goner. Although they don’t know each other in real life, he and @A_Goner talk to each other quite a lot. Recently, @A_Goner landed a job in a museum dedicated to Northern Space technology.

  
**@A_Goner:** _It sounds like you’ve found yourself in a very precarious situation @ROB. Are there more details you can tell us? Where did the starship depart from? We might be able to deduce which starship you’re on if you tell us everything you know._

_That being said, your being stuck on this starship might turn out to be a good thing. I know you’ve always spoken candidly on this forum about your childhood dream to be among the stars. Perhaps this “mistake”, as you call it, will turn out to be one of the best things you’ve ever done._

_Regardless, I look forward to reading more of your updates._

_  
_Rob sighs. While he thinks @A_Goner is easily one of the cleverest members on the forum, his reply does not help in the slightest. Rob knows nothing about this starship other than that it has more than four decks and that the Captain seemed a bit grumpy when he last saw him.

Defeated, Rob puts down his phone and sinks into the fluffy pillow on his bed. He has nearly dozed off when the female voice of the on-board computer crackles into life and wakes him.

**‘Robert Williams. You have been given the all-clear from the medical team. You are allowed to leave your cabin.’**

Rob sits up straight. He’s allowed to leave! But where in the universe is he supposed to go?

‘Computer?’

**‘Yes, Robert Williams?’**

Rob pauses. He’s heard of on-board computers, of course, but he’s never interacted with one. ‘You can answer all my questions, right? About everything that is and has ever been?’

**‘That is correct.’**

Rob bites his lip. What do you ask a computer who knows everything? ‘What’s the name of this ship?’

**‘The name of this ship is SS Progress. It is a type-A spacecraft.’**

‘A type- _A_ spacecraft? Seriously?’ Rob knows from lurking his favourite forum that a type-A spacecraft is one the largest spacecraft in the universe. ‘Where are we headed?’

**‘We are headed to Sedna, a dwarf planet on the outer reaches on the solar system. It’s the first stop on our journey.’**

Rob makes a face. ‘I thought people couldn’t live on Sedna.’

**‘This is correct. At the time of its discovery, Sedna had no atmosphere and no oxygen. It used to be four times as cold as the Earth’s Polar Regions. However, a freak weather event caused by human explorers three-hundred Earth orbital rotations ago caused the planet’s surface composition to change, making it somehow habitable for humans and other lifeforms. If you wish, I can provide some documents about the planet for you to read.’**

‘Maybe later. How long will the trip to Sedna take?’

**‘Three or four moon-phases, depending on the conditions.’**

Rob blows a raspberry. That’s quicker than he thought it’d be. ‘Why are we going there exactly?’

**‘You will have to ask the captain.’**

Rob rolls his eyes. ‘Is it _classified?_ ’

**‘In a manner of speaking.’**

At the same time, someone on the ship uses one of the quasarlifts to one of the lower decks, making Rob’s cabin shake violently. He closes his eyes while he waits for it to stop. It feels like being inside a washing machine.

‘Computer?’

**‘Yes, Robert Williams?’**

‘Do you know if there are other cabins available? Some very quiet ones where I will actually be able to sleep? Cos I can’t sleep.’

The computer leaves a deliberate pause. **‘You will have to ask the captain.’  
  
**

# 8\. The captain’s quarters.

Even though it’s two in the morning, Rob still decides to go looking for the Captain. It’s the first time he’s been outside his cabin for several moon-phases.

He quickly discovers it’s not that easy navigating SS Progress, a Type-A starship. It really is humongous, and all the corridors look more or less the same.

Even though there are many signposts on the ship, Rob still manages to get lost on Deck 04 twice. All the doors he walks past are shut. By the looks of it, you need a special key card to enter the rooms beyond.

Only the door to the canteen is open. He peeks into it. To his surprise, the canteen is filled with crewmen who have just finished their nightshifts. They’re all wearing uniforms. The sound of conversation fills the air. Rob thinks he can smell pasta Bolognese, an old Earth recipe. In the corner of the canteen, he spots an all-you-can-eat buffet filled with delicious-looking foods from all corners of the universe.

His stomach rumbles. While he was in quarantine, he was only given small bowls of porridge to eat.

He doesn’t dare enter. A member of crew – an engineer, judging by the threatening spanner in his hands – looks at him warily from across the room.

He quickly leaves.

He meets more people on his way to Deck 05, where he thinks the Captain’s private quarters are. They all glare at him as he passes. He’s soon beginning to feel like an outcast.

Rob’s thinking about turning back to his cabin when he accidentally walks into a corridor that is noticeably different from all the other ones. This one isn’t metal and light grey and tilted along the sides, with nasty wires covering the floors, but a sort of aubergine colour. It actually looks quite inviting.

The words he spots on the signposts are different, too: in other corridors, Rob would see signposts indicating spaces like the Graph Vault and the briefing room. Naturally, he knows all of those terms because he’s read about them on his favourite forum.

The metal signpost in _this_ corridor, however, uses terms Rob’s never heard before: “back yard”, “wardrobe”, “mechanical animal cages”.

_Mechanical animal cages?_ What do those words even mean? He can’t make head nor tails of it, and he quickly leaves. 

Rob heads back into the corridor he thinks he came from. It looks completely different from what he remembers. He asks a passing crewman to point him to the Captain’s quarters, but all he gets in return is a judgmental chin-in-the-air look and a hissed remark in an alien language. He feels desperately alone. He thought being on board of a starship would be fun, but this isn’t fun at all.

Rob’s about to post a second distressed post on his favourite forum when he spots another corridor he hasn’t yet been in. There is just the one door. Unlike all the other doors on this ship, this one has a small porthole that has been fitted with curtains.

‘Computer?’ Rob hasn’t tried talking to the on-board computer outside of his cabin before.

**‘Yes, Robert Williams?’**

‘What’s behind that door there? The one with the porthole and the curtains.’

**‘The door you’re looking at would be the Captain’s private quarters.’**

Rob lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He doesn’t know how, but he made it. He can ask the Captain if he can get a different cabin! He starts towards the door and raises his hand into a fist suitable for knocking, then stops uncertainly.

‘Am I _supposed_ to knock on a door on board of a starship, Computer? Isn’t there, like, a doorbell somewhere?’ He waits for the on-board computer to elaborate, but no answer comes. He scrunches up his face and makes up his mind himself. ‘I think I’m just going to knock.’

Rob knocks on the door. He waits. The door unlocks.

The Captain emerges from his quarters wearing nothing but boxers and a dress shirt that he didn’t bother buttoning up.

‘ _Oh._ Shit. It’s _you_.’ The Captain quickly fastens the top button of his shirt and crosses his arms over his bare chest. ‘I wasn’t expecting you.’

_I could say the same about you_ , Rob thinks, but he cannot say it out loud. This is only Rob’s second time seeing the Captain, remember, and it’s a distinctly different experience than having the Captain pointing a gun at his chest dressed in all black.

After a full minute of staring, Rob finally blurts out, ‘Where’s your jacket?’ It’s the first thing that comes to his mind.

‘I took it off. I can’t sleep in me uniform – it’d crease. And believe me, you don’t wanna try ironing clothes in space. Bloody nightmare, that. The steam gets everywhere.’ Two pink spots have appeared on the Captain’s cheeks. He tries to put up his “I’m the Captain of this ship and therefore I’m in charge” voice, but it comes out all wrong. ‘So why are you here, then?’

‘I got the all-clear from the medical team.’ Unsure as to whether seeing the Captain of a starship half-naked goes against Northern Space regulation (he’s _sure_ he would have read about it on his favourite forum, but he’s not one hundred per cent certain), Rob directs his gaze to the floor. ‘I was wondering if I could have your permission to move to a different cabin.’

‘Why?’

‘Well – I can’t sleep, for starters.’ Rob accidentally looks up for a second and catches a glimpse of Captain Barlow’s naked tummy. He shakes his head and tries to focus on the reason he came here. ‘I can’t sleep because of the quasarlifts, which is making me very, very prickly, and very, very tired. I’m not asking for a bigger cabin or anything – just one that isn’t next to the lifts. It’d be nice if I could sleep for a couple of hours.’

Captain Barlow scoffs. ‘You sneak on board of a starship, and now you’re asking me to give you a better cabin? This isn’t a hotel, Rob.’

Rob doesn’t know what to say to that. He keeps looking at the floor as a courtesy.

‘Fine,’ the Captain says at last.

Rob’s face shoots up. His eyes accidentally travel all the way from the Captain’s knees to his chest, stopping for a second to stare at what Rob is pretty sure are vintage _Star Wars_ boxers. His body flushes with warmth. ‘W-what d-do you mean, _fine?_ ’

‘I’m giving you permission to move cabins,’ the Captain says. ‘There’s this crewman who’s been looking for a roommate. I’ll tell him you’re coming over first thing in the morning.’

‘Are you serious? You’re serious! Oh, _thanks,_ mate.’ Rob blurts out the words.

The Captain gives him a stern look. ‘I’m not your mate, Stowaway.’

Rob flushes. ‘Right. Fuck. Sorry. Thank you, Captain.’

Captain Barlow unceremoniously closes the door on him.

Rob walks out of the corridor feeling very confused and flustered. As a result, he gets lost twice. It takes him fifteen minutes to find his way back to Deck 04.

Once he’s finally reunited with his cabin, which is just as uncomfortable as he remembers it being, Rob throws himself onto his bed and covers his face inside his hands. His heart is racing. Even though his eyes are covered by his hands, he can still see Captain Barlow in his mind’s eye.

Half-naked. Wearing _Star Wars_ boxers.

‘Computer?’

**‘Yes, Robert Williams?’**

‘Are you _sure_ the medical crew gave me the all-clear? You’re not saying this just to cheer me up?’

**‘Positive, Robert Williams.’**

Rob removes his hands from his face. ‘If the medical crew gave me the all-clear, then why do I feel so fucking hot?’

***

As soon as he shuts the door on the stowaway, Captain Barlow addresses the on-board computer inside his private quarters. ‘Computer, warn me next time the Stowaway comes knocking on me door in the middle of the night, will you?’

The computer, which does not experience human emotions like you and I, misunderstands the meaning of Gary’s sentence. **‘Do you need me to alert security next time? I could still alert Northern Space Alliance to get Robert Williams off board, if you wish.’**

‘That’s not what I mean,’ Gary says, embarrassment flooding his chest. When the on-board computer bleeps quizzically at him, he explains, ‘Humans aren’t really supposed to see each other in their underwear.’

**‘I do not understand. You appeared unclothed in front of Ensign Styles one moon-cycle ago, and you did not complain to me afterwards.’**

Gary sighs with frustration as a flush of warmth swells in his cheeks. ‘That’s different.’

**‘Different how, Captain?’**

‘You wouldn’t understand,’ Gary snaps. Truth be told, he doesn’t entirely understand it himself either. The only thing he knows for sure is that his otherwise breezy pyjama top has never felt tighter, and that he wishes he hadn’t seen Rob’s gaze pausing at his _Star Wars_ boxers. They are feelings that are achingly human – and therefore, completely useless. ‘This is a human thing this. It’s not something you can look up in your database.’

The computer bleeps at him in a way that could almost be accused of sounding _annoyed_.

‘ _Please_ , Computer,’ Gary goes on. A semi-sentient being filled with knowledge about nearly every planet and alien species in existence, the computer does not like it when people accuse it of not understanding something. ‘You _must_ warn me next time. I can’t have people on this ship seeing me in me underwear.’

Gary expects the computer to bristle and push him for more data to fill in the blank gaps in its database. The computer can be very stubborn when it comes to the understanding of basic human emotions. Instead, the computer answers with the verbal equivalent of a shrug. **‘As you wish. I will warn you next time Robert Williams asks for you while you are unclothed. Although I fail to see why – my scans tell me your adrenaline levels have gone up considerably, and your heart rate is similar to when you found that vintage Coldplay record on Mars several moon-cycles ago.’**

Gary presses his teeth into his bottom lip. ‘That’s exactly why I need you to warn me next time.’   
  


# 9\. Meeting Mark.

The next star-day, Rob arrives at the door of cabin 103.B, the new cabin Captain Barlow assigned to him. Truth be told, Rob misses the blue and green Earth terribly. The last time he saw it was through a porthole on the cargo bay. Ever since, he’s been surrounded by metal and dark portholes and floors with wires coming out of them. The only thing he’s been able to see from his cabin porthole is stars rushing past on a black velvet background. Every day, he feels more and more alone.

The only thing Rob can look forward to is meeting his new roommate. Maybe they’ll be friends. At best, his roommate will tolerate him and not glare at him angrily like all the other people on board of this ship seem to do.

Rob’s pretty sure everyone on this ship hates him.

Captain Barlow didn’t tell him anything about his brand new roommate, so Rob isn’t sure whether he should knock or not. Perhaps he should have announced his arrival? For all he knows, everyone on SS Progress answers the door in their underpants like the Captain did last night.

He still feels a hot flush just thinking about it. When Rob returned to his cabin last night, he would have sworn his body had just landed on Venus, the hottest planet in the solar system. He was sweating all over. His tummy was aching in a weird way.

Rob kept asking the on-board computer if he was dying from some terrible space disease, but the computer reassured him that he was not. Robert Williams was perfectly fine. He had been given the all-clear from the medical team, remember? There was nothing wrong with him.

Still Rob couldn’t get to sleep. As well as being kept awake by the noisy quasarlifts next to his door, he kept thinking about the Captain and his vintage _Star Wars_ boxers and his pink cheeks.

He tries to forget about it. Nervously Rob knocks on the door of cabin 103.B. He waits. The door opens, and Rob is suddenly caught about by the shoulders, pulled forward and squeezed against a very short body covered in three layers of clothes. His nose fills with the smell of shampoo.

‘Rob! It’s so good to see you!’ The stranger lets go of Rob and holds out a small hand. ‘My name’s Mark. Mark Owen. Have you had any breakfast yet? You look hungry. I’ve brought boiled eggs and soldiers from the canteen. And beans on toast, in case you don’t like boiled eggs. And sausage, in case you don’t like beans on toast either. Come, let’s go inside, shall we? It’s always so cold in the corridors, isn’t it?’

Rob finds himself being dragged into the cabin by the hand. His new roommate – a short guy with a very good head of brown hair and a pretty smile – is talking at light speed as he shows Rob round a cabin that is absolutely identical to the one he was already staying in.

‘This is your bed. I wasn’t sure if you needed extra pillows, so I’ve given you one of mine. I’ve also prepared a shelf in my closet just for you, see? I know it’s not much, but if you need more space I could just get rid of some of my old clothes. This is the bathroom. I usually shower in the morning. I hope that’s not a problem? I could shower in the evening too if you need more time to get ready. I tend to get up at seven in the morning, but it sort of depends on whether the mechanical animals were giving me trouble the star-day before. Sometimes I return to my cabin at one in the morning cos one of the animals wouldn’t wind down properly. They’re very difficult animals to work with, you know. Very difficult. I do like it, though. Will _you_ be looking for a job? Then again – you’ll probably want to get accustomed to the ship first, won’t you? It took me two moon-cycles before I could finally find my way around, and I still get lost! The other day it took me three hours to find the canteen, you know.’ Mark offers Rob eggs and soldiers on a plate. ‘Do you want some? The eggs come from Pluto.’

Rob has been rendered almost speechless. From what he could tell during his exploration of the ship last night, all the people here hate him and would like him to leave. Not this guy. ‘W-why are you being so nice to me?’

‘You’re our guest, aren’t you?’ Mark puts his plate back on his bedside table, sits on the edge of his bed – prompting Rob to do the same – and tucks a long lock of hair behind his ears. His hair does not seem to comply with the artificial rules of gravity on board of his ship, sticking up and falling in front of his eyes every couple of seconds. ‘From what Captain Barlow told me, you didn’t even know where this ship was headed until a couple of star-days ago. I think we could at least show you some kind of kindness.’

‘But I’m a stowaway,’ Rob whispers. ‘I don’t _belong_ here.’

Mark shrugs. ‘Do any of us, when we’re in space? I don’t care if you’re a stowaway and that maybe you weren’t supposed to be on this ship. You’re here now, aren’t you?’

Mark flashes his most charming smile. Even in the 24th century, Mark is always kind and polite. He is polite, always, and he tends to worry a lot.

‘I’ve been looking for a new roommate for ages,’ Mark tells Rob. ‘I used to have one, you know, a roommate, but then we lost him and I suddenly didn’t have a roommate anymore.’

Rob gulps. ‘Did he . . . die?’

‘No, we literally lost him. He got stranded on Kepler-69c. I think he owns a chicken farm now.’

Rob laughs out loud. Mark laughs too – a laugh that sounds like a turkey that’s being tickled – and all of Rob’s worries melt away like the last snow on the remaining glaciers on Mars. He’s only known Mark Owen for a couple of minutes, but it already feels like they’ve been best mates for years.

They eat breakfast together in their cabin. It’s one of the best breakfasts Rob has ever had. It turns out that boiled eggs from Pluto taste a lot like chocolate. Rob’s taste buds are singing.

‘So why did you sneak on board of this ship then?’ Mark asks. He doesn’t seem to judge Rob for what he did, making Rob relax visibly.

‘I’ve been interested in space all my life,’ Rob explains. ‘I’ve basically grown up on staring out of my bedroom window and talking about space online. When I was young there were moments when I really suffered from anxiety and I didn’t really leave the house and stuff, and daydreaming about space gave me a lot of comfort and that. Being outside really fuckin’ scares me, to be honest, but the thought of travelling to space never did.’

Mark nods. ‘A lot of people feel like that. When you travel to space, you feel like you can leave behind all your issues and start over.’ He takes two big mouthfuls of food. ‘Has Captain Barlow told you what kind of ship this is yet?’

Rob shakes his head. ‘All I know is that we’re headed to Sedna and that we’ll arrive in about a moon-phase or two. Or was it three? I can’t remember. I’m guessin’ we’re goin’ to explore Sedna’s atmosphere and stuff? Actually, are you a scientist? You look like a scientist. You’re dressed differently than everyone else.’

‘Oh, you mean this?’ Mark looks down at what he’s wearing. Instead of wearing a uniform, he’s wearing a thick woolly jumper and several layers of T-shirts underneath. There’s a big stain on his right sleeve. ‘This is just what I wear when I pay a visit to the mechanical animals in case there’s an oil leak and I get oil all over me. They don’t like uniforms, you know. Mechanical animals, I mean. I think it upsets them.’

‘Sorry, mechanical animals?’ Rob doesn’t understand.

‘You know, the ones we use during the space circus?’ Mark is rewarded with a blank stare from Rob. ‘Oh, my – the Captain really didn’t tell you anything, did he? Come, I’ll show you what I mean.’

Rob watches Mark get up from his bed. ‘What, now?’

‘Yes, now. Come!’

Mark stalks out of the room. In spite of his short legs, he’s surprisingly quick. Rob can barely keep up with him.

‘Wait for me!’

Rob follows Mark into a whirlwind of corridors and stairwells. Every single corridor looks the same. Quickly, Rob loses his bearings. He runs through the ship at breakneck speed, stopping only for a second when he sees Captain Barlow emerging from someone else’s cabin. They exchange looks, and Rob’s body spills over with warmth. He can hear his new best mate calling for him from the other side of the corridor.

‘I’m – I’m coming!’ Rob shouts back, but not without casting one more lingering look at the captain of the ship. The Captain has got an expression in his eyes that Rob can’t read, but it makes his body feel like planet Venus all the same.

After what feels like lightyears, Mark finally stops in front of a large set of double doors. Rob bends over to catch his breath. He wheezes loudly. They’re in a corridor on Deck 02. ‘Fuckin’ hell, Mark. You could have told me we were goin’ to run a marathon!’

‘You’ll get used to it,’ says Mark. ‘This is a big ship, you know. Sometimes you’ll have to walk long distances and try not to get lost.’

‘Couldn’t we just transport ourselves here?’

‘The use of the transmaton is only allowed in emergencies,’ Mark explains in an official manner. A transmaton is a machine that can transport humans from one part of space to the next, and they will be a very important plot device.

‘What kind of emergencies?’

‘Oh, you know, if we get attacked by space scavengers, that sort of stuff. If something like that ever happens, the ship should be able to transport us back to Earth quite easily. The technology hasn’t been perfected yet, though. Someone once lost an ear. And there are rumours that if you use the machine wrong, you can accidentally end up travelling through space and time. I think the Northern Space museum in Wythenshawe has an exhibition about it.’

‘Right.’ A painful stitch is blooming in Rob’s right side. He presses his hand on his side to massage away the pain. If he’d known that sneaking on board of a starship would involve this much running around, he would never have bothered. ‘So where have you taken me, then?’

Mark smiles mysteriously. ‘You’ll see.’ He unlocks the double doors by pressing a key card against a small digital lock on the wall. The doors slide open.

Rob follows Mark inside.

He can’t help but feel a bit let-down.

‘Mark, were you _supposed_ to take me to an empty room? Cos you’ve taken me to an empty room. I mean, I suppose it’s all right, if you like concrete walls.’ Rob tests the floor underneath his feet. The room they’re in is very grey and empty, like stepping into a brand new property. ‘Are you havin’ me on, mate? Is the floor about to open and will I be violently ejected into space anyway?’

‘Of course not. That’d be awful. You’ll probably want to take a few steps backwards, though, just in case.’ Mark watches Rob taking a few steps back. He addresses the on-board computer with adorable politeness. ‘Sorry? Computer?’

**‘Yes, Mark Owen?’**

‘Could you play Simulation “Greatest Days” for us, please?’

**‘Certainly.’**

The lights in the room go out, and suddenly Rob understands what kind of room this is. It’s not just any room; it’s the Graph Vault, a room where crewmen can engage with different virtual reality simulations. Rob has lurked many threads about Graph Vaults on his favourite online forum, but nothing could ever have prepared him for the real thing.

All of a sudden, the concrete ceiling shoots up into the sky. Rob has to hold on to his new best mate for dear life when the walls suddenly extend like mechanical arms, changing shape as they go. They zigzag outwards and form tiers of platforms, one after another.

Red seats start falling from the sky in their hundreds, perhaps thousands. Rob jumps out of the way to avoid a seat landing on his head, only to have three seats falling through his body like ghosts moving through a wall. The seats slot into place on the raised platforms, taking on the shape of a sort of concert hall. Holographic people appear out of nowhere.

Above Rob, the concrete ceiling has disappeared. It’s no longer flat; it’s pointed. A red and white point like the inside of a circus tent.

_They’re inside of a circus tent_.

Rob’s jaw drops. Mark takes his hand. ‘Let’s take a seat, shall we?’

They haven’t moved physically, but all of a sudden Rob is sat in the audience. There are people all around him. Even though the seat beneath him _feels_ solid, he can still move his hand through the holographic armrests, reminding him that this is not real. It’s just a holographic simulation. Regardless, Rob moves to the edge of his seat as a not-real circus show begins.

It’s a full-on spectacle. Acrobats spin through the air. A massive elephant appears. Made completely out of steel, it’s a mechanical animal that moves like the real thing. A trapeze artist makes breath-taking jumps and summersaults in the air. A clown pretends to swallow an asteroid. A man juggles knives in the air. Three women ride into the tent on unicycles. A man made of steel lifts up a space rocket. A young girl performs a routine using aerial silks. Drones fly in formation through the audience.

Every performance is accompanied by music: modern pop music from Earth, but also songs Rob has never heard before. The knife juggler throws his knives into the air at the beat of a song from the 21st century, while a magician sings an aria from Mars as she saws the rocket from before in half.

Unlike the circuses Rob knows from Earth, this show seems to be as much about the music as the performances itself. It’s breath-taking, but it’s also a bit confusing. Why is Mark showing him this?

Then the tent artfully collapses in on itself, revealing the night sky of an alien planet, and everything finally makes sense. ‘You’re taking the circus to Sedna,’ Rob gasps.

‘Not just Sedna,’ Mark explains over the din of the crowd. A fire breather has just walked into the centre ring breathing fire from his nostrils. ‘We take our show all over the cosmos. Sedna is just our first stop on our journey. It’s the nearest planet on our tour. We’ll be visiting four or five planets in total and then head back again before the end of this orbital rotation.’

‘Where do the shows take place? In the Graph Vault?’ Rob sounds like his brain is working hard to process everything he is seeing.

‘They take place wherever the inhabitants of the planets will have us. Last time, we did a show outside a spaceport.’ Mark looks up at the exposed night sky. A holographic blue planet is looming over them in the sky. ‘What you see now is what one of our shows might look like in real life.’

Rob thinks he recognises one of the acrobats from when he wandered around the ship last night. He thinks she’s an engineer. ‘Do all the people on the ship take part in the show?’

‘Some do. Some don’t. There are some performers who also work on the bridge or in engineering, but there are also performers who like to stick to the more creative side like being acrobats or making costumes. I’m not really that good at engineering or piloting a ship, so I tend to just focus on taking care of the mechanical animals. Sometimes I help Captain Barlow come up with new ideas for the show. The fire-breather was my idea,’ he adds, proud as punch.

‘So that’s your job, then? You actually get paid for this?’

Mark nods. ‘Everyone at this ship has a job or two. If you wanna stay, you’ll maybe have to consider looking for one too.’

‘Okay, so to summarize,’ Rob says, breathless, his heart racing hard, his mind struggling to keep up, ‘this is a space circus, and we travel all over the cosmos, and there are people on board of this ship who are both engineers and pilots and performers at the same time, and _you_ take care of mechanical animals, and Sedna is our first stop on the tour. Have I missed anything?’

Mark returns his grin. ‘You haven’t missed anything. Amazing, isn’t it?’

Rob nods hard. The rest of Mark’s words are drowned out by the cheers of the holographic crowd. A man has appeared in the centre ring. Rob’s heart skips a beat. It’s Captain Barlow, except he’s in full ringleader costume, with a top hat perched on his head.

‘I think I prefer him in his pyjamas,’ Rob mumbles. His new best mate, who is slightly hard of hearing, thankfully does not hear, and they watch the rest of the show in awe.

At the end of the show, Rob is smiling broadly. He’s buzzing with adrenaline. ‘You’re a lucky guy, Mark.’

‘Am I? I think you’re pretty lucky yourself, Rob.’ Mark smiles, a faraway look in his eyes. ‘You wanted to go to the moon, and you ended up travelling all the way across the galaxy. I think that’s pretty amazing, you know.’

In that moment, Rob has never agreed more. ‘Is there anything about this ship that isn’t amazing?’ he asks.

Mark thinks about this seriously for a while. He scrunches up his nose. ‘I suppose fancying people in here isn’t so easy.’

Rob feels a pang in his chest hearing Mark say that. It’s a very specific thing to point out. ‘Why do you say that?’

‘This is a really big ship. The biggest of its kind. Sometimes you don’t see certain people for several moon cycles. That makes trying to get to know someone really difficult and kind of impossible, sometimes.’ Mark’s mouth curls into a sad smile, thinking of all the people he has loved. ‘I guess some people on this ship are like the stars we fly past. Sometimes the only thing we can do is look at them and hope they blink back.’

Rob’s heart aches. He can’t help but hope that Mark’s words don’t apply to Captain Barlow, who looked so lovely when they last met, with his _Star Wars_ boxers and all. It’s an intrusive little hope that Rob will never admit is real, but he can feel it flickering inside of him all the same. Maybe he likes the Captain more than he will ever dare admit.


	3. Chapter 3

# 10\. The canteen.

_I float through space and time_

_In and out I glide_

_Singing ‘I’m alright, I’m alright, I’m just fine’_

_And I've got nowhere to hide_

_But I’ll find my way tonight_

***

In space, time is rather cruel to people. It always makes you wonder what day it is and how many hours have passed since you last had a decent meal.

Because of this, Rob has no idea what day it is. It could be Monday or Thursday for all he knows. All he knows is that he has entered the second moon-phase of his adventure on board of S.S. Progress, a massive A-type starship.

Currently, the ship is on its way to the planet Sedna, where they will moor for a couple of days and perform a series of circus shows. You see, SS Progress is actually a travelling space circus, with acrobatic performances set to a soundtrack of modern Earth pop music.

One night, Mark takes Rob by the hand to the canteen on Deck 04. The last time Rob visited, all the people there were staring at Rob as though he was a criminal. He supposes he _is_ a criminal, what with him being a stowaway and all, but still. He didn’t feel very welcome. Mark is his only friend on the ship.

‘Do we _have_ to eat at the canteen, Mark?’ Rob and Mark have just joined the long queue for the buffet in the canteen. He has been whining all the way here. He’d much rather eat on his bed.

‘We can’t eat tea in our cabin all the time, Rob,’ Mark says. He hands Rob an empty tray. ‘It’s really difficult to get rid of food smells in space, you know. Besides, you might make some mates!’

Rob looks at the occupied tables. Everyone is staring at him. ‘I don’t think anyone on this ship wants to be mates with me, Mark. I’m the “stowaway”, remember?’ He makes inverted commas in the air with his fingers.

‘ _I_ became mates with you, didn’t I?’

‘Yeah, but you’re _nice_.’ They move up three spaces in the queue. The smell of curry fills Rob’s nostrils. ‘You’re nice to everyone.’

They move up two more spaces. Finally, they reach the buffet. On a black marble counter, Rob can see half a dozen trays filled with a variety of foods, from ordinary Earth tikka masala to Cardassian fish juice. Heat is coming off of them.

Rob’s mouth waters looking at a red bowl filled with what looks like rice. He points at it. ‘What’s that, Mark?’

‘It’s Martian curry. It’s delicious.’

‘I’ll have some of _that_ , thank _you_.’ Rob digs a big metal spoon into the Martian curry and plonks it down on his tray. He’s just about to grab a second spoonful when he realises something. ‘Are we supposed to pay for this, by the way? Cos if we are then I’ll just take a smaller portion . . .’

‘The canteen is free for all crewmembers.’ Mark opts for a vegetarian dish from Io, the moon.

‘Is everything on the ship free?’

‘Not everything is. There’s this small sort of shop on Deck 01 where you can buy clothes and books and magazines and stuff like that. I’ll take you tomorrow.’

Five minutes later, Mark and Rob settle down at a two-person table in the canteen with their food. From here, they have a panoramic view of the universe in all its black velvet glory. It looks beautiful.

Rob ought to enjoy his meal, but it’s difficult to enjoy your food when so many people are staring at you. He’s pretty sure the two crewmen at the table next to them talking about him. A tall mechanic points at him unashamedly while a woman turns up her nose at him.

‘Told you I wouldn’t be making any mates,’ Rob mumbles.

‘Don’t say that,’ Mark whispers. ‘They just don’t know you yet.’

At the same time, an engineer whom Rob recognises from the circus simulation in the Graph Vault walks past them snarling. He says an alien swear word that Rob doesn’t understand, and the other crewmen in the canteen burst out laughing.

Mark shrinks into his seat, his face as pale as a moon. He’s not fluent in alien languages, but he knows quite a few swear words.

Rob grabs his fork tight. He clenches his teeth as he watches the engineer with the foul mouth walk away with a smug look on his face. ‘I’m tellin’ you now, Mark, if these people don’t stop starin’ at me now, I’m goin’ to start a fight with someone. I don’t care who with. I’m sick of people treatin’ me like shit.’

‘Just give it time,’ Mark whispers. He tries to smile, but he doesn’t quite manage it. He hates it when people on this ship get bullied.

They eat in silence until something makes Mark look up from his plate. He kicks Rob’s ankle with his right foot. Rob goes _ow_. ‘Look, it’s the Captain!’

Rob turns around. Captain Barlow has entered the canteen along with a mechanic with curly brown hair. Mark tells him the mechanic is called Howard.

Mark and Rob both stare at the newcomers as they pick up two trays and join the queue for the buffet. By the looks of it, Captain Barlow is talking about something geeky that Howard doesn’t give a shit about. 

Meanwhile, Rob can’t stop looking at the Captain. He is wearing his Captain’s jacket again; black and trim, it makes him look very imposing. His blond quiff is perfectly styled. His eyebrows move up and down in sync with his words. Even his hands – big hands, like a pianist’s – have something magnetic about them.

‘He’s so handsome, isn’t he?’ Mark gushes. He’s staring at Howard with his face inside the palms of his hands, the mean crewmen from before already forgotten. Even though Howard sometimes says very strange things about Martian medicine and Earth science, he’s still quite handsome. Infuriating really.

‘He’s all right,’ Rob says. ‘Do you think his jacket is a size too small? I think his jacket is a size too small.’

‘A jacket? Which jacket?’ Mark stares hard at Howard. He is very much wearing _not_ a jacket. A thought seems to strike him. ‘Wait, were you talking about the captain just now?’

Rob stuffs his mouth with rice. ‘Mope.’

Mark makes a punctuated ‘hum’ with his mouth. He’s not convinced. ‘Are you sure? You do seem to stare at the Captain quite a lot, you know.’

‘Only because he’s always staring at _me_ ,’ Rob says in between mouthfuls. ‘I mean, _sure,_ I suppose he _is_ kind of handsome, if you like _Star Wars_ boxers.’

Mark raises his eyebrows. A gloop of curry falls off his spoon. ‘ _Star Wars_ boxers, Rob?’

Rob blushes. ‘When I went to the Captain’s quarters to ask him if I could change cabins, he answered the door in his boxers. I thought that’s what people on starships _do!’_

‘It’s not.’ Mark shakes his head in a bemused manner. ‘It’s really, really not.’

‘Drat.’

‘Did you like it, though? I mean, was it nice, seeing the Captain like that?’

Rob plays with the food on his plate, lost deep in thought. ‘It was all right.’ And he says no more.

Secretly, Rob thought it was more than all right. He has had many a daydream about the Captain punishing him for being a stowaway in the filthiest way possible.

Mark and Rob continue to stare. Mark tries to get Howard’s attention by waving at him like a fool, but it’s useless. Howard does not seem to notice.

‘Are relationships on board of starships allowed?’ Rob asks Mark apropos of nothing. It’s not really something he’s ever read about on his favourite spacespotter forum. It’s certainly not something he’s ever seen his favourite forum member, @A_Goner, writing about.

‘It’s not actively encouraged, but I suppose it’s not forbidden either,’ Mark says, turning back to face Rob. ‘There are a lot of people on the ship who still do it, you know. In secret. Even if relationships _were_ forbidden, they’d still find a way. You can’t stop people from falling in love, can you?’

‘I hope _I_ never do.’

‘Do you?’ Mark looks sceptical. ‘There are a lot of people on the ship who like _Star Wars_ boxers, if that’s what you’re into. You’re quite handsome, Rob – people might like you!’

Rob snorts loudly. ‘As _if._ Everyone on this ship hates me, remember? They all want to throw me into space! I mean, apart from you, but you’re my new best mate, so that doesn’t count. No offence. And I don’t want to snog _you_. Again, no offence.’

‘None taken.’ Mark glances at the queue one more time. Howard and the Captain have vanished into thin air. With no more handsome crewmen to stare at, Mark asks Rob if he’d like to have a look at the place where he works later, after tea.

‘Do you mean with the mechanical animals and stuff?’ Rob thinks about it. A couple of star-days ago, Mark showed him a holographic circus simulation featuring a very tall mechanical elephant. ‘As in, the elephant?’

Mark nods. ‘I have to check her magnesite-iron oil levels and make sure her trilithium chips are still working. It’ll only take a minute. In the meantime, you can maybe think about if you wanna get a job here yourself.’

‘I have no idea what any of that means, Mark, but yeah, cool, let’s have a look at a mechanical animal.’

***

Rob and Mark have finished their food. They’re about to walk out of the canteen when suddenly someone sticks out their leg and Rob trips over it. He lands face-first on the metal floor, hard. The entire canteen bursts out laughing.

Mark turns pale. He’s too shocked to move, to act.

Rob quickly scrambles to his feet. He knows this can’t have been an accident. He starts looking for the owner of the leg. He’s spurred on by adrenaline and anger.

Everyone in the canteen has stopped to laugh at him. In the background, he can hear crewmen gossiping about him. Taunting him.

‘Who made me trip just now? Was it _you?_ ’ Rob catches the eye of the engineer who said something nasty about him earlier. He’s sat at a round table next to his fellow crewmen, his long insect legs sticking out from underneath. ‘It _was_ you!’

The engineer smiles grimly. He curses something in a language Rob doesn’t speak.

Mark gasps.

Rob clenches his fists. He has to stand his corner, or else he’ll be treated like an outsider for the rest of his stay. ‘ _What_ did you just say?’

The engineer leans over his table. He repeats the alien words he just said, making them sound somehow more menacing than before. ‘I said you’re human scum.’

Rob’s about to swing his fist in the engineer’s direction when –

‘STOP IT. NOW.’ Everyone in the canteen stops as though frozen. The Captain of the ship has appeared. He’s holding a tray with an extra-large bowl of Martian curry balanced on top of it. He’s got a look in his eyes that could melt steel from Pluto. The gathered crowd of crewmen parts to let him pass.

Rob shrinks when he thinks the Captain is about to address him and eject him into space, but then –

‘Engineer, what the _hell_ do you think you’re doing?’ The Captain talks to the engineer with the insect legs instead.

The engineer gestures vaguely at Rob. He’s got a permanent scowl on his face. ‘Isn’t it obvious? I’m telling the stowaway that he doesn’t belong here.’

The Captain’s eyes flicker in Rob’s direction. Rob looks down at the floor. Shame floods his body.

Then the Captain says something to the engineer that Rob couldn’t have predicted. ‘Engineer, you’re being absolutely ridiculous you are. You’ve been on this ship for more Earth orbital rotations than most. You were already a part of the Northern Space Alliance when we were still exploring the Kepler system. I expect you to behave as much.’ The Captain’s forehead has filled with the lines of a frown. ‘That means not picking any fights with people who’ve only just arrived. Is that understood?’

The engineer rolls his eyes. ‘Understood. _Captain_.’

‘Good. Now go and finish your tea.’ The Captain addresses the crowd in the canteen. His tray wobbles inside his hand. ‘That means everyone. _Now_.’

The crowd disperses, leaving only Rob (still staring at the floor), Mark (his mouth still half-open in mid-gasp) and the Captain. Gary.

Rob looks up briefly. He rubs his nose. His heart is hammering inside his throat. ‘Thank you, Captain.’

The Captain’s cheeks fill with the redness of a blush. He hesitates, then says, ‘Stay out of trouble next time, will you?’

‘Of course, Captain. Thank you, Captain.’

For some reason the Captain has gone almost as red as the curry on his plate. He has lost some of that imposing “I’m the Captain and therefore I’m better than you” aura. ‘Good. Very – very good. Ahem. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna watch _Star Trek Voyager_ in me private quarters. Don’t bother coming round to ask me to save your arse again.’

The Captain walks away with his tray inside his hands, leaving Rob feeling both humiliated and just a little guilty that he doesn’t know what _Star Trek Voyager_ is.

Mark takes his hand. His face is as white as a sheet. ‘Let’s go and meet the elephant, all right?’  
  


# 11\. Where Mark works.

Mark takes Rob to a room he affectionately calls “the garden” for some reason. It’s in the aubergine-coloured corridor Rob visited a couple of nights ago.

Upon entering the room, which Mark unlocks with his key card, Rob’s jaw drops. The garden isn’t so much of a garden as a miniature jungle. Everywhere Rob looks, he sees trees; trees so tall that he can’t even make out the ceiling – even though they’re definitely still on the starship.

Here, the air is thick with the smell of lush greenery and damp earth. The sound of a dozen songbirds fills the air. The temperature is hot. It really _is_ exactly like being in a jungle, except Rob’s brain know this isn’t a jungle really.

He tests the feet on the grass floor. When he presses down his foot hard enough, he thinks he can see the grass digitally shifting into grey concrete. ‘Is this real or holographic, Mark?’

‘Holographic. We’re inside Graph Vault. S.S. Progress has three of them. Elly will be waiting for us.’

‘Elly?’

‘Our elephant. As I said, I need to check her magnesite-iron oil levels and make sure her trilithium chips are still working. If I don’t do this every moon-phase, she could start winding down like an old-fashioned grandfather clock.’

‘Sounds like a job for a mechanic.’

‘What I do doesn’t really have anything to do with Elly’s mechanics. It’s more like when you have to feed your dog – or when you have to clean a cat’s litter tray.’

‘So you’re her keeper,’ Rob says.

‘Exactly! She should be just beyond those trees over there.’ Mark nods his head at a denser part of the jungle. He looks visibly more relaxed than he did in the canteen. ‘Elly is real, by the way. As in, she’s not holographic. Everything else here is. Still – I’d be careful not to bump into any branches.’

They make for the centre of the jungle at a steady pace.

‘Is there a _reason_ why Elly doesn’t live in a nice open desert?’ Rob asks Mark. ‘I mean, isn’t that where elephants used to hang out before the climate disaster of 2041 made them go extinct? You know, deserts and stuff?’ (Rob got a B- in Earth History at secondary school.)

‘Elly prefers jungles,’ Mark explains. ‘She can be very demanding, you know. She won’t perform for us unless we let her hang out in the Graph Vault on star-days off. But it’s a nice job. Taking care of her, I mean. Like you said – I’m her keeper.’

Soon the trees open in front of them and Rob spots an expanse of water, shimmering a silvery green in the fake sunlight. Even though the lake is just a holograph, Rob still gasps. Next to the lake, he spots Elly the elephant, the most impressive thing he’s ever seen. ‘Mark, has anyone ever told you how lucky you are? You get to travel through space! With elephants!’

Mark chuckles. He approaches the mechanical animal slowly and gets to work checking her magnesite-iron oil levels, which is just a fancy word for cleaning her metal hide.

When he’s done taking care of Elly the elephant, Mark joins Rob on a not-real tree trunk on the not-real jungle floor. ‘I think I’ve mentioned a few times that everyone on this ship has a job they get paid for. I get paid for taking care of Elly, obviously, and some people work on the bridge as well as performing in the circus entourage. If you want people to start liking you, maybe you should get a job too.’

Rob groans. ‘I don’t want to get a job. I didn’t sneak on board of a starship so I could get a _job!_ ’ Judging by Mark’s face, his new best mate doesn’t agree. ‘You think I’m being silly.’

‘Having a job is good. It keeps you busy. I like _my_ job. It makes travelling through space a lot less lonely.’

‘How did you even end up here? I mean, not _here_ here,’ Rob clarifies, gesturing at the holographic jungle with its not-real trees and not-real sky, ‘but on board of SS Progress. You’ve never told me.’

‘I never had any formal training with the Northern Space Alliance, if that’s what you mean.’ Mark flicks away a holographic fly with the back of his hand. Graph Vaults are known for being realistic. ‘I was a footballer on Earth originally, but then I had this awful groin injury when I was tackled by a player from Pluto and I had to stop playing professionally.’

Rob winces. People from Pluto are known to have bodies made of steel. Literally.

‘So then I tried a couple of other jobs,’ Mark went on, ‘like working at a bank and a clothes shop and, you know, modelling and stuff like that, but I didn’t really like any of them. I couldn’t see myself working at a bank for the rest of my life. Then I saw this ad in a digital newspaper asking for singers and dancers and I thought, “Maybe I should try that.” I can’t really sing, you know, but I’m an all right dancer. So I applied and it turned out they were looking for performers for this brand new entertainment project in space.’

‘S.S. Progress,’ Rob says.

Mark nods. ‘I worked in the circus troupe for a couple of Earth orbital rotations. You know, just performing and dancing and being sawn in half by our magician. I began to sort of realise that I really enjoyed coming up with new ideas for the shows, more so than the dancing job. I used to sort of come up with new routines in the back of this paper journal during my star-days off. I talked to the Captain about it, and he agreed to take me on as a kind of creative director. I quit the job in the dance troupe after that. Basically, I help the Captain come up with new concepts for the shows every time we do a brand new tour.’

‘I didn’t know this. Why didn’t I know this? I thought _this_ was your job!’ Rob points at Elly the elephant.

‘I did tell you, didn’t I? I told you the other day that I help Captain Barlow come up with ideas every now and then.’

‘You didn’t tell me it came with a proper _job description_!’ Rob is staring at Mark wide-eyed. ‘What does it even say you are on your CV? Honestly, I feel like a failure compared to you, Mark. _Two_ jobs!’

‘I can’t do the creative director job full-time, so Elly is kind of my side-job because no-one else will do it.’ He looks at Elly affectionately. ‘Other people don’t like taking care of Elly that much because she can be a bit of a diva, but I think she likes me. _I_ like her, anyway.’

‘I like her too.’ Rob finds that he means it.

‘I’ve been thinking about what _you_ could do, by the way,’ Mark says. ‘You know, as a job. I’ve asked around a bit, and I started to wonder if maybe you’d suit a job at the laundromat on Deck 05. It pays all right – about 600 crypto-coins per hour.’

Rob laughs out loud. ‘The _laundromat?_ You’ve got to be joking.’

‘Not joking. I’ve already asked the owner of the laundromat if they had any positions left, and they told me that they’ll let us do a sort of work placement one moon-phase from now. We’ll be colleagues! Well, fellow interns. But still!’ Mark’s mouth curls into a big smile. ‘It’ll be so good, Rob. I honestly can’t wait.’

Rob can’t say he thinks the same. He’d rather be thrown into space. Unfortunately, Mark insists.   
  


# 12\. The laundromat.

One moon-phase later, Rob and Mark arrive at the ship’s laundromat on Deck 05. The ship has over 150 members of crew and therefore there are quite a lot of dirty pieces of laundry that need washing.

Unfortunately, washing one’s clothes in the 24th century is only marginally quicker than it is for _you_ , our 21st-century reader. Even though it is now possible for humans to live on Mars, washing your dirty underwear still involves a lot of patience and staring at a washing machine as its contents tumble round and round.

Four people work at the laundromat in total, Rob and Mark making six. Their jobs include sorting out clothes, turning on the washing machines, maintaining the washing machines themselves and ironing several hundreds of uniforms.

The man in charge of the operation, a Martian named Steve, gives Mark and Rob a basket full of clothes each. He stares at them through all his five eyes. (Martians have five eyes.) ‘I’ve worked at laundromats for over one hundred Earth orbital rotations. I’ve never had a complaint. Don’t let today be the first time, Interns.’

With that warning in mind, Rob and Mark get to work.

Well – we _say_ “get to work”, but there’s really not that much effort involved. All they need to do is move the clothes from a biodegradable laundry basket into a washing machine, put in the right amount of Callisto washing liquid, close the door and press a bunch of buttons. It’s not the most challenging job Rob’s ever had, but at least he’ll get paid for it if he gets hired.

More laundry baskets arrive with clothes that need washing, including a basket filled with four-sleeved shirts for individuals from Thethys. Mark is asked to iron every single one of them.

Meanwhile, owner Steve hands Rob a big basket that has ordinary white dress shirts in it.

‘These still need washing,’ Steve says. Rob isn’t sure which eye he’s supposed to look at. ‘They are the Captain’s. Treat them accordingly.’

Rob looks down at the basket in his arms. They’re quite boring-looking clothes really. Only the small set of embroidered stars on the collars makes them stand out: one star for each ship Captain Barlow has ever captained. Rob knows this, because he’s read about it a thread created by his favourite forum member, @A_Goner.

Knowing what’s at stake, Rob dutifully does as he’s told. He’s about to put the Captain’s shirts into an empty washing machine when he looks down at the floor and sees a neglected basket filled with engineering uniforms.

_Red_ engineering uniforms.

Rob grins. He’s read enough comic books to know what will happen when you slip a red uniform into a pile of white dress shirts.

He hesitates. Rob loves pranks almost as much as he loves space. At school, before he realised he suffered from anxiety, he built quite a reputation for being a prankster. A _joker_. It’s how he got people to pay attention to him. Other people got everyone’s attention by being good at sports or getting lots of good grades, but not Rob. Rob was the student who got sent to the head teacher’s office for unplugging all the holographic blackboards at school.

If people on board of this ship won’t take him seriously or even look at him, he might as well be deliberately difficult. Sure, he likes the Captain quite a lot, but that doesn’t mean he can’t tease the shit out of him.

When he knows for sure that no-one is looking at him, Rob quickly snatches a red uniform from the other basket and hides it in deep inside the pile of the Captain’s shirts. He shoves the entire contents of the laundry basket into the empty washing machine and closes the door.

He presses START. His heart starts racing. He looks over his shoulder. No-one has noticed. Even Steve, with his five eyes, didn’t see him snatching the red uniform from the other basket.

Rob grins at his own reflection in the round window of the washing machine as the Captain’s shirts start turning a light pink. Callisto washing liquid works quickly.

Meanwhile, Mark has started ironing a pile of clean uniforms behind him. Rob rolls his eyes. Mark is such a good guy, compared to him. Rob just wants to have fun and play pranks and fight people. It’d be boring if he couldn’t put up a fight.

After all, space wasn’t conquered by good guys. It was conquered by people like Rob who didn’t follow the rules.

He might as well adjust to a life in space accordingly.

***

The next morning marks day two of the boys’ work placement at the laundromat. Rob’s about to turn on a washing machine filled with black engineering uniforms when Captain Barlow stalks into the laundromat carrying a pink piece of clothing and everyone stops what they were doing at once.

The Captain holds the garment in the air and addresses everyone. He looks angry. Several lines have appeared on his big forehead. ‘Which one of you made all me white dress shirts turn pink?’

Rob has to cover up his snort with a cough. Clearly, the basket of clothes that he washed yesterday has managed to make its way back to the Captain quickly. He averts his gaze to the washing machine in front of him, not daring to look anyone in the eye in case he bursts out laughing.

‘ _It wasn’t me,_ ’ a blue-faced crewman says in an alien language. He gestures vaguely at the ironing board in front of him.

‘It wasn’t me either,’ Steve, the man in charge, says.

Captain Barlow doesn’t look impressed. His forehead becomes more and more frowny. Rob’s certain the Captain is about to explode, like a star in an ancient galaxy.

Then Mark Owen has to go and ruin it all. He raises his right hand uncertainly. There’s a basket filled with dirty socks underneath his other arm. ‘I think might have been me, Captain. I did worry if maybe I used the wrong washing powder when I was here last night. I should have told you sooner. I’m sorry.’

Rob slaps Mark with the back of his hand. ‘What are you doing?’ he hisses.

‘I’m being truthful, ain’t I?’

Rob rolls his eyes. Of _course_ Mark would confess to a crime he never committed. He’s only known Mark for one or two moon-phases, but he already knows Mark has never done anything wrong, ever. He probably feels bad for the stars in the night sky for being in a constant state of explosion.

Rob takes a deep breath, then takes a single step forward. Steve rolls all his five eyes. He can feel all the other employees staring at him.

‘It was me, Captain Barlow. It was a prank. I played a prank on you. I thought you might like a change of wardrobe, but clearly not.’

Mark gasps.

Captain Barlow looks like he has swallowed a big wasp. He grips the pink garment inside his right hand tightly and turns on Rob at once, nose in the air. ‘I should have _known_ it was you.’

Rob just shrugs.

The Captain pinches his eyes, then takes a deep breath as if to compose himself. ‘A talk in private, please, Mr Williams?’

Rob mouths “sorry” at Mark, then follows Captain Barlow into a small storage room in the back of the laundromat. He’s fully expecting the Captain to flick a hidden switch on the wall and eject him into space via a trapdoor. He’d probably deserve it.

‘Before you throw me into space, Captain, I think I can explain why I threw a red uniform into your pile of dress shirts, if you’ll let me.’

‘Don’t bother. Whatever happened to you staying out of trouble like I asked?’ The Captain gives Rob a stern look, making Rob feel like he’s just shrunk. He looks down, visibly embarrassed. ‘I have no more clothes left thanks to you. It’s almost like you _want_ to see me in me underpants, Rob.’

Rob heart almost bursts out of his chest. ‘I – I would never . . .’

‘I’m only joking.’ The Captain looks at the dress shirt in his hand. His cheeks have turned a similar pink shade. ‘D’you know what, I think it looks all right actually, this shade of pink. People have been telling me I should stop wearing all black, anyway. There are alien cultures where the more colour you wear, the more respected you are. Did you know? Bloody fascinating, that.

‘Mind you,’ the Captain adds, putting on his usual “I’m the Captain of this ship and therefore I’m very important” voice, ‘I’m still gonna ask you to earn your money elsewhere. I don’t think you’re cut out for the laundromat, I’m afraid.’

Rob lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. The Captain . . . _isn’t_ angry with him? ‘So you’re not going to flick a hidden switch and eject me into space? Again?’

‘I’m not. You’ll wanna find your place on board of this ship sooner rather than later, though, Rob.’ The Captain seems to consider Rob quietly, his head cocked to one side. ‘We arrive at the first stop on our tour in less than two moon-phases. I want you to have found a job by then. Keep your head down in the meantime, if you can.’

Rob crosses his arms over his chest defensively. ‘If people kept their head down all the time, we would never have travelled to space.’

Captain Barlow lets out a small chuckle. He doesn’t quite know how to respond to that. ‘How are you getting on in general, by the way? You settling in all right?’

‘Apart from everyone on board of this ship hating me and me ruining your shirts purely by accident and not on purpose at all?’

The Captain smiles. Rob melts a little inside. ‘Apart from that.’

‘It’s been all right. Mark is nice. I like Mark. I sleep a little better too. I mean, not having the quasarlifts next to my cabin anymore helps a _bunch_. Have you ever had them checked out, Captain? I don’t think they’re supposed to be that loud. Although – I suppose I wouldn’t know.’ Rob rubs his nose.

‘You seem to know your way around a ship all right. You get lost less often than Mark.’

Rob shrugs. ‘I’m a frequent member of a forum dedicated to space travel. We talk about, like, ship schematics and stuff. You probably wouldn’t know it. Actually, do captains have hobbies?’ Rob has a tendency of jumping from one subject to the next like a spacehopper. ‘The forum has always wondered.’

‘I’ve a few hobbies and interests to keep meself occupied, yeah. Some of them involving other people on board of this ship.’ Rob can feel himself burning up underneath the Captain’s curious gaze. He remembers with an unpleasant jolt of envy that he saw the Captain walking out of someone else’s cabin just a couple of star-days ago. ‘Maybe you should join me sometime, Rob.’

Rob laughs nervously. The Captain has a way of looking at you that makes you feel like you’ve swallowed the planet Venus. ‘M-maybe I should just follow your advice and find a job first. I’ll eventually need some money, won’t I? Mark tells me we have a little shop that sells clothes and books and that. He’s obsessed with it. I could buy some new clothes!’ Rob looks down at the hand-me-down jumper he was given when he first got here. It’s covered in holes. ‘Yeah, I definitely need to buy new clothes.’

‘Let me know when you do.’

As though on cue, the voice of the on-board computer crackles into life. **‘Captain Barlow. Your assistance is required on the bridge. There have been reports of unidentified vessels two lightyears from here.’**

‘I’ll be right there. Thank you, Computer.’ The Captain smiles at Rob. ‘Duty calls, I suppose, eh? Have a good rest of your day, Rob.’

With that, the Captain walks out of the storage room with his pink dress shirt clutched in his right hand.

Rob is still staring at the spot where the Captain was just stood when Mark pops his read around the opening of the storage room.

‘You’re still here, then,’ Mark says.

Rob nods uncertainty. ‘I don’t understand why the Captain hasn’t thrown me out of this ship yet, Mark. He was nowhere as angry as I thought he’d be. I turned all his shirts pink!’

Mark shrugs. ‘He came to your rescue at the canteen the other day too, didn’t he? Maybe he likes you.’

_Maybe_ , Rob thinks. Why does that thought make his head feel so light? And why does he wish so badly that it were true?

***

After they finish their shift at the laundromat (it will be their last; the owner of the laundromat has firmly told them never to return again), Mark and Rob take the scenic route back to their cabin. They scroll through the corridors leisurely, stopping every now and then to peek out of a porthole and see a pink or blue planet rushing past. They can hear all the little noises of the starship cutting through space, an engine wheezing, and the sound of footsteps on the deck above.

Rob still marvels at everything he sees on board of the ship. It’s just so exciting! He can’t wait to explore Sedna, the planet. Will it be like planet Earth, full of water and wildlife? Or will it be more like Mars, with its pale rocky surface? Will he have to wear a spacesuit? He can’t wait to find out.

Even though many people on the ship hate him, he continues to be grateful to be here, travelling amongst the stars with his only mate in the universe, Mark. Mark, who does not care that he’s a stowaway and that he’s not supposed to be here. Mark, who smiles at everyone so sweetly.

‘You know what I’ve been thinking, Rob?’ Mark says.

Rob makes a sound to indicate that he is listening.

‘I think that maybe you should try out for the circus.’

Rob stops in his tracks. In the background, he can hear the soft groaning of the ship’s engines. ‘You’re joking, aren’t you? This is a joke.’

Mark shakes his head. ‘I’m not joking. I just thought, if you like pranking people so much, why not sort of do it for a living? Well, not the pranking bit, maybe, but you do have this kind of aura about you like being in the spotlight would suit you. I think you’d make a great entertainer, you know.’

‘And you base this on what, exactly? One prank?’ Rob crosses his arms.

‘Yes. Well, no.’ Mark scrunches up his nose. ‘I _may_ also have heard you singing an old-fashioned Earth song in the shower a couple of star-days ago.’

Rob turns red. ‘You told me the booth was made of soundproof Martian glass!’

‘Think about it, at least,’ Mark presses. ‘You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to. You could also help me out with Elly, if you want. But I really do think the circus suit you.’

Rob experiences a flutter of pride hearing Mark say that. It’s been several moon-cycles since someone last complimented him. Is Mark right, and would he indeed be suitable for the ship’s circus performances?

And if so, how is he ever going to convince Captain Barlow to let him take part?

# 13\. Statistics.

Gary returns to his cabin late that night. There had been sightings of unidentified flying objects not far from where they were, and it needed checking out. It turned out to be nothing serious, but he had to give it his attention all the same.

Usually, Gary likes to spend his nights away from the Bridge curled up in bed with a glass of wine and an old-fashioned Earth television show streaming in the background. Sometimes he’ll even stay up all night writing new songs for upcoming circus shows, what with the circus performances incorporating Earth pop music. Gary loves his job, and therefore he loves spending quite a lot of time on it.

Tonight, though, he’s too tired to do anything. He gets dressed into his pyjamas (boxers and a shirt; the very same that Rob accidentally saw), crawls into his bed, turns off the lights and hopes sleep comes to him quickly.

It does not. He keeps thinking about Rob, who looked so handsome tonight, and whose tattoos stood out even from afar. Did Rob bleed when the needle punctured his skin and the swirling blue and green colours of the planet on his arm started to appear? Gary keeps wondering.

He also keeps thinking about their conversation in the laundromat, and the outrageous sentence that had jumped out of his mouth then. _‘I have no more clothes left thanks to you. It’s almost like you_ want _to see me in me underpants.’_ Rob had turned so red that Gary thought he’d swallowed the sun.

Was it an inappropriate comment coming from the Captain of a ship? Sure. Absolutely. Gary is never this usually this informal with his crew unless he’s particularly close to them. Captains need to be serious and detached always, prioritising efficiency over feelings. Flirting with crewmen isn’t ever permitted.

Then again, Rob isn’t a member of crew, is he? Rob is just a stowaway, and all the usual rules don’t apply to him.

At least, that’s what he _thought_. He’s actually beginning to wonder if his behaviour towards Rob will have long-lasting effects on their entire journey. After all, the rules set up by the Northern Space Alliance are there for a reason. They were made so that starships will have smooth and safe journeys through space always. Has he made a mistake by not kicking Rob out?

‘Computer?’

**‘Yes, Captain?’**

Gary sits up in bed. He thinks about the question he wants to ask. ‘The crew members, what do they think of the stowaway? Give me numbers.’

(The on-board computer is very good at calculating statistics and memorising numbers. One night, when Gary was feeling particularly geeky, he asked the computer to list all the chart stats about his favourite Elton John album.)

**‘According to my calculations, 71% of crew have negative feelings towards Robert Williams, the stowaway. A further 85% are of the opinion that you’re being too soft on him.’**

‘Too soft?’

**‘Take the incident at the laundromat, for example. It is estimated that 98% of all captains associated with the Northern Space Alliance would have thrown a member of crew into the brig for that kind of behaviour.’** (The brig is a starship's holding cell, or prison.) **‘You seem to be the sole exception.’**

Gary chews the inside of his cheek. ‘Do you think this will have consequences on the rest of the journey? Statistically speaking.’

**‘There’s a 70% chance that Robert Williams will play a prank on someone again before we arrive at Sedna two moon-phases from now. There’s a further 91% chance that your crew will begin to distrust you if you keep allowing Robert Williams to get away with it.’** The on-board computer leaves a calculated silence. **‘I am aware that your dopamine levels rise considerably every time the two of you meet, but mutinies have happened for less, Captain. You must know that by now.’**

Gary feels guilt chipping away at his heart. He knows the computer has a point, of course. Mutinies _have_ happened for less, and if crewmen become suspicious that he’s being too soft on Rob, they might not take him seriously anymore.

On the other hand, he doesn’t want to be tough on Rob either. He quite likes the stowaway really. The glimmer in Rob’s eyes reminds Gary of when he joined the Northern Space Academy and everyone in his year was still intrigued about space; you know, that naïve excitement that only first-year students have.

Then you join a couple of training missions to the moon and back, and travelling to space becomes more of a chore. It becomes as ordinary as riding a bus.

Rob doesn’t have all that. He still stares wide-eyed out of all the portholes. His jaw still drops when he visits a part of the ship he hasn’t been to yet. His cheeks will still flush scarlet when he learns something new about space.

Gary knows, because he’s been watching. Indiscreetly.

_Mutinies have happened for less._

‘Computer?’

**‘Yes, Captain?’** Gary thinks he can detect a subtle sigh at the end of that question.

‘What do you think I should do?’

**‘About Robert Williams, Captain?’**

‘I know it’s too late to send him back now, but I don’t want to put the rest of the crew in danger either. Not to mention the fact that if the Northern Space Alliance ever find out we’re harbouring an illegal stowaway, we’ll all be out of a job.’ Gary runs his hands through his hair. ‘Northern Space will have a bloody field day.’

**‘Then tell Robert Williams that. Remind him he’s a liability.’**

‘Wouldn’t that upset him?’

**‘I’m a computer. I cannot be the judge of what upsets people. I can only scan humans for what is happening to them physically and make my conclusions based on that.’**

Gary shifts uncomfortably. ‘What would your scans say about _me?_ ’

**‘My scans would say that your body responds to seeing Robert Williams the same way it would respond to a good song, or watching a vintage Elton John concert. Your vital signs have been markedly similar. However,’** the computer goes on, **‘you are not the only person on this ship. Given the choice between one-hundred-and-fifty crewmen losing their jobs or “upsetting” just one person, wouldn’t the former be the most logical option? Starships aren’t piloted by emotions, Captain.’**

Gary sighs. The computer has a point. Of course she does. _Starships aren’t piloted by emotions._

Rob _is_ a liability. He’s a stowaway whom Gary stupidly – selfishly – allowed to stay on board. He doesn’t have any rights.

If Gary wants to have any influence on board of this ship, he’ll have to show everyone that keeping Rob on board was a mistake. He’s an error of judgment. A meteor, on a crash course to Earth.

Gary doesn’t have any choice. Rob may rouse in him emotions markedly similar to “watching a vintage Elton John concert”, but when you’re a Captain, emotions don’t mean anything. From now on, he’ll have to treat Rob as what he is: an error of judgment, and nothing else.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst! Drama! Watching the stars together! More drama!

# 14\. A meeting on the viewing deck.

_You stretched for the stars and you know how it feels_

_To reach too high_

_Too far_

_Too soon_

_You saw the whole of the moon_

***

‘Look at him. He’s still wearing the clothes he was wearing one moon-phase ago.’

‘I bet he doesn’t even know where we’re going.’

‘I heard he got lost the other day.’

‘He’s absolutely useless, isn’t he?’

‘I wish I still worked on that ship that went to Tethys a couple of Earth orbital rotations ago. My previous captain wouldn’t have kept a _stowaway_ on board.’

Rob can feel his face turning red. He’s been forced to listen to members of crew gossiping about him in the canteen all night. He’s clutching his fork so hard that his knuckles have turned white, and he’s barely eaten.

‘I _hate_ them, Mark.’ Rob tries not to look at the source of the comments: four crewmen sat at a table opposite theirs. ‘I wish I could throw a fucking egg at their faces.’

‘I know. I’m so sorry, Rob.’ Mark sighs. They’ve been subject to people talking about them like this for the better part of a moon-phase. Everyone still distrusts Rob for being a stowaway. ‘I wish I knew how to make it stop. Maybe if you got a _job_. . .’

‘I know.’ Rob pushes away his plate. Like Mark, he’s lost his appetite. ‘Nobody wants to work with me, though, do they? Especially not after I fucked up the job in the laundromat.’

‘The Captain might want to work with you. In the circus troupe,’ Mark points out.

Rob shakes his head. It’s been nearly three moon-phases since he snuck on board of S.S. Progress, a travelling space circus. The only productive thing he’s done during that time is following Mark Owen around like a puppy. Oh, and ruining Captain Barlow’s shirts.

He has also gotten into fights with four different crewmen in just as many star-days. The only person Rob likes is Mark. He supposes he kind of likes the Captain, too, but not in a way that he feels comfortable talking about.

What else has Rob done? Nothing much really. He’s just been staring at his own reflection in the porthole inside his cabin and feeling rather useless, and wondering if Mark is right about him being a good fit for the circus troupe.

At first, Rob was very much against the idea. He can’t become a _performer!_ He’s too socially anxious. He’d probably melt or implode or turn into goo the moment someone put a spotlight on him.

On the other hand, Rob _doe_ s really like singing and being in the centre of attention despite him having a lot of anxiety. He’d enjoy performing a lot more than he would working at the ship’s laundromat or helping Mark take care of Elly the mechanical elephant. Besides, the circus simulation he watched in the Graph Vault a couple of moon-phases ago looked genuinely fun. He might even enjoy the job.

The problem is, if Rob wants to become a part of the circus then he’ll first need permission from Captain Barlow. Rob has had very few interactions with the Captain apart from when the Captain interviewed him on his first day on the ship and when Rob accidentally saw the Captain in his underpants, so he has no idea how to go about asking him.

‘I heard the stowaway wasn’t even supposed to be on board of this ship, you know.’ One of the crewmen at the other side of the canteen laughs out loud. Rob clutches his fork tighter. ‘He snuck on board of the wrong ship, can you believe it?’

‘ _I’ve_ heard he’s never even been in space before,’ another voice says. Rob closes his eyes. ‘I bet he doesn’t even know where Sedna is.’

A third voice groans. It belongs to a woman, an engineer. ‘Some people just don’t belong in space, do they? They should just stay on the ground and let the professionals like us do all the work.’

‘Oh – stop it.’ Mark has gotten up from his chair. He addresses the four engineers with as much bravery as he can manage. A pink flush is spreading across his neck. It doesn’t help that there’s a smudge of food on his right cheek. ‘Can’t you see that what you’re saying is awful?’

‘It’s true, though.’ The female engineer fixes Rob with a hard stare. Rob has grown considerably paler for the last few minutes. He wishes he could disappear into the bowl of soup in front of him. ‘Some people don’t belong in space. Fact. People can’t just sneak on board of a ship and think they can get away with it while _most_ of us have spent six Earth orbital rotations training for it.

‘Then again,’ the engineer adds, ‘it’s not like _you_ did any training, did you, Owen? You just got here because you fluttered your pretty eyelashes at everyone.’

That comment hits Mark like he’s just got slapped. He doesn’t know what to say. He looks at his table for support, but the chair that was previously occupied by Rob is now empty. Rob has gone up in smoke.

‘Looks like you’re on your own, Owen,’ the female engineer says. She almost spits her next words. ‘Guess that’s just what happens when you befriend _stowaways_. Better get used to it.’

***

In another part of the ship, Rob is walking so fast that he quickly loses track of where he’s been and where he’s going.

He didn’t want to leave Mark on his own just now, but he _had_ to. He was feeling like he was about to have an anxiety attack. He was feeling down, his body was pulsating stress and fear, he was getting irritable, his tummy was hurting like hell and he was no longer able to concentrate. At one point, all the worlds those bullies were saying to him blended into one and he could no longer make sense of them.

In other words, he was having an anxiety attack.

Again.

Rob never responds to his anxiety attacks very well. He reckons that if he’d stayed only a second longer, he would have thrown his tray of food at the engineer’s head like a Frisbee. He would have been thrown out of the ship for sure, ruining his chances of ever getting a job in the circus troupe. Running away from the confrontation was his only option. 

He’s entered a corridor he’s never been. It’s empty. He flops himself down on the metal floor and gets out his phone.

First, he texts Mark an apology, then logs in on his favourite spacespotter forum. It’s where he learned all his knowledge about space. It’s his to-go place when he’s feeling sad.  
  


**HOW TO APPROACH A STARSHIP CAPTAIN ?**

Discussion in **General space topics** started by **ROB** , Stardate **24.024028**

AS YOU KNOW I HAVE BEEN STUCK ON S.S. PROGRESS FOR THE PAST THREE MOON-PHASES OR SO … IT’S BEEN QUITE GOOD SO FAR … WELL,, APART FROM MY NOT GETTING ALONG WITH ANYONE … I’VE JUST HAD TO RUN OUT OF THE CANTEEN BECAUSE PEOPLE WERE SAYING BAD THINGS ABOUT ME AND I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT …

THAT’S NOT WHY I’M MAKING THIS THREAD THOUGH … I’M MAKING THIS THREAD BECAUSE I’VE BEEN TOLD THAT I SHOULD GET A JOB IF I WANT TO SURVIVE ON THIS SHIP AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT … I’M QUITE AN ANXIOUS PERSON SO I HAVEN’T HAD MANY JOBS …

THE JOB I WOULD LIKE INVOLVES MY BECOMING A PERFORMER IN THE SHIP’S CIRCUS TROUPE … YOU KNOW,, SINGING AND DANCING AND STUFF LIKE THAT … BUT I’LL NEED THE CAPTAIN’S PERMISSION FIRST AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO HIM …

AS SOME OF YOU MAY KNOW I PLAYED A PRANK ON THE CAPTAIN DURING MY SECOND MOON-PHASE ON BOARD … IT WAS QUITE A GOOD PRANK IF I DO SO MYSELF … AND THE CAPTAIN HIMSELF DIDN’T SEEM TO MIND THAT MUCH … BUT EVERYONE ELSE ON BOARD SEEMS TO HATE ME … THE ENGINEERS ESPECIALLY … THEY KEEP SAYING BAD THINGS ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK … AND I’M SCARED THAT THEIR COMMENTS AND MY PREVIOUS BEHAVIOUR WILL AFFECT THE WAY THE CAPTAIN LOOKS AT ME …

I JUST WANT HIM TO LIKE ME … I DON’T CARE WHAT EVERYONE ELSE THINKS BUT I WOULD STILL LIKE FOR THE CAPTAIN TO AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE MY EXISTENCE … AND I SUPPOSE HE DOES … HE’S ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE ON BOARD OF THIS SHIP WHO DOES NOT LOOK AT ME LIKE I’M A NUISANCE … SOMETIMES HE LOOKS AT ME IN A CERTAIN WAY AND I FEEL LIKE I’M BURNING UP INSIDE LIKE A STAR … BUT I AM STILL AFRAID THAT HE WILL NOT ALLOW ME TO GET THE JOB I WANT …

IN OTHER WORDS,, I COULD USE SOME ADVICE … PERHAPS SOME TIPS ABOUT HOW TO TALK TO THE CAPTAIN AND CONVINCE HIM THAT THE CIRCUS JOB WOULD SUIT ME …

**  
**Rob leaves it at that. Two minutes later, several replies have been posted in his thread. One in particular stands out.  
  


**@A_Goner:** _From what you’ve told me, you’ve already had plenty of positive interactions with the Captain, @ROB. I know your pranking him isn’t necessarily a good thing, but the fact that he did not reprimand you says a lot about his character. I believe that if you approach him as you have done previously – staying true to yourself –, he will allow you to take part in the circus spectacular regardless of your “previous behaviour”. If he truly disliked you, he would not have allowed you to stay on board in the first place. In other words, if you don’t try, you’ll never know. Keep us posted x_

_  
_Rob lets out a deep breath as he reads @A_Goner’s reply. He really likes @A_Goner. He doesn’t know the guy personally, but they interact on the forum quite a lot. The older forum member – who will soon begin a job at a museum dedicated to Northern Space technology –, always seems to know the right thing to write.

_If you don’t try, you’ll never know_.

Rob has made up his mind. He _will_ ask Captain Barlow if he can join the circus troupe, and he _will_ succeed.

He just needs to find the Captain’s quarters first. Rob was so busy trying to get away from the canteen that he’s lost his bearings. He’s ended up on a completely different deck by accident. It’s one he’s never been to.

Rob cranes himself up from the floor and dusts off his trousers. He spots a metal signpost not far from where he was just sat. It says “Odyssey Room – 50 metres” and points right, into a corridor not dissimilar to the one Rob’s already been in.

Curious, Rob heads into the direction the signpost is pointing at. He’s never heard of an Odyssey Room before, so _obviously_ he’s going to explore.

Exploring the ship always helps Rob feel better. One of the advantages of being on board of a massive A-type starship is that there’s always something new to see and that you can walk around for hours without meeting anyone. If he’d snuck on board of that moonliner he was supposed to be on he’d find it a lot more difficult to be alone.

Rob has reached the room the metal signpost indicated. His heart flutters inside of his chest as he enters. By accident, he seems to have found the ship’s most interesting room.

The “Odyssey Room” is the ship’s observation deck, a windowed room that provides a wide 360-degree view of space. All around him, Rob can see the vast expanse of space, and a constant coming and going of stars, one after another after another.

It makes Rob feel both small and more connected to the rest of the universe. Suffering from anxiety has meant that Rob could often only engage with space from his bedroom window or on his favourite online forum. Being on the observation deck – the “Odyssey Room” – has put him firmly in the place he’s always dreamed of visiting.

‘Beautiful, isn’t it?’

Rob spins round on his feet. Captain Barlow has entered the room.

‘Captain. Hey.’ Rob feels all of a sudden very self-conscious compared to the Captain, who looks so smart and beautiful in his uniform. He brushes his hand down the front of the jumper he’s been wearing since he got here. ‘Sorry, am I _allowed_ to be here?’

‘It’s the observation deck. You’re allowed to come in whenever you want to. Some people stay here for several moon-phases, just watching the universe rushing past. I know I have.’ The Captain gestures at some leather bench seats on an elevated platform in the middle of the room. They look comfortable. ‘You could even sit down, if you want.’

Rob’s heart flips over. ‘Is that an invitation or an order, Captain?’

‘You say that like you _want_ it to be an order.’ The Captain cocks his head to one side. He holds Rob’s gaze. Rob’s eyes are drawn to the Captain’s mouth as he says his next words. ‘ _Do_ you, Rob?’

Rob brushes away a shiver on his arm. No-one looks at him like the Captain does. Apart from Mark, everyone on SS Progress looks at him like he’s an ancient star that’s about to explode.

Because of this, Rob has no qualms sinking into one of the bench seats, his cheeks flushed. His heart speeds up to match the pace of the stars above when the Captain sits next to him. He tries to look as indifferent as he can. ‘Guess I don’t mind you ordering me around _that_ much.’

‘I’ll take that as a compliment, given how you act around everyone else.’ The Captain clears his throat. ‘D’you know what, I’ve had seven complaints about you today. I think that’s a record, that.’

Suddenly the bench seat feels a lot smaller than Rob thought it was. He has to snap his legs shut to avoid brushing his knee against the Captain’s by accident. He tries to get his words out in the correct order. ‘With all due respect, I don’t think it’s _me_ who’s the problem.’

‘I agree,’ the Captain says. ‘Thing is, the crew of this ship doesn’t deal that well with changes, and you’re quite a big change. Part of that is on me for allowing you to stay in the first place.’

Rob wrinkles his nose. ‘You say that like you regret it.’

The Captain tips his head back against the back of the seat. The constant flashing of stars is reflected on his face as he stares at Rob with a sort of intensity that makes Rob want to look away. ‘There are a lot of things I’ve done in space that I regret, but allowing you to stay isn’t one of them.’

‘Name one thing you regret more,’ Rob challenges.

The Captain snorts. ‘Answering the door in me underpants comes to mind.’

Rob flushes. ‘That wasn’t entirely terrible, so that doesn’t count.’

‘“Not entirely terrible?”’ The Captain holds Rob’s wavering gaze. His face seems less guarded. His shirt is still very, very pink, but it actually looks quite good on him. ‘So you enjoyed it, then.’

‘It’s better than seeing you in your fucking captain’s jacket,’ Rob splutters. ‘Where did you even get your uniform made? Five hundred Earth orbital rotations ago?’

The Captain laughs out loud. ‘I’ll pass on your notes to Northern Space’s resident clothes designer.’

‘I’m serious, though. Everyone on this ship is dressed like a prick.’

‘Is that why you can’t get on with anyone?’

‘You mean no-one can get on with _me_.’

The Captain doesn’t bother correcting him. ‘It doesn’t help that haven’t made an effort adjusting to life on board since you got here, Rob. We’ve all got hobbies – you could spend your time on things you actually like doing instead of running out of the canteen when things get a little difficult.’

Rob blushes. He had hoped the Captain wouldn’t find out what had happened. ‘I did not run out of the canteen. I walked. At a steady pace.’

‘I’m sure you did.’

‘It’s not like _you_ have any hobbies, anyway,’ Rob says apropos of nothing. He tends to change the subject very quickly and suddenly. It’s not rudeness; it’s just the way his brain works. ‘You told me a couple of star-days ago that you have a couple of interests to keep yourself “occupied” and stuff, but I only ever see you walking around the corridors. Like, what does a Captain even _do_? Don’t answer that, by the way – I know what Captains do. I’ve read about it on the _internet._ I just mean you personally.’

‘Are you trying to get to know me, Rob?’

‘I’m just curious.’

The Captain runs his hand through his hair. Rob looks away. ( _Why does the Captain have to be so fucking handsome?_ ) ‘I’ve loads of hobbies, me. Most of them have to do with music.’

‘Do you play?’

‘I’ve been playing the keyboard nearly all me life,’ the Captain says. He senses Rob’s curiosity and hastens to feed it. ‘I begged me parents to buy me this vintage keyboard when I was six or seven, and I spent the next couple of months teaching meself how to play every song I knew.

‘The Earth songs were easy – it was the music from other planets I had difficulty with. The people on Gliese 581c, they make great music, they do. They use melodies most people on Earth can’t even _hear_. It took me years to get even _close_ to replicating their music.

‘And then there’s this planet in the Kepler system – this planet where most people haven’t even _been_ – where sandstorms can sing, apparently.’ Gary looks really enthusiastic about everything he’s saying. Not just enthusiastic: properly _geeky._ ‘Can you believe it? A planet where sandstorms can sing! Isn’t that the best thing you’ve ever heard?

‘It’s why I joined the Academy: I knew I’d never be able to travel to space on me own accord, so the Academy was my way of getting into space anyway. It was never about exploration for me – I just wanted to meet the people who made me favourite music.’

‘That’s . . . easily the geekiest thing I’ve ever heard.’ Rob shakes his head in disbelief. He didn’t realise such a handsome man could have such geeky interests. ‘Most people join the Academy because they want to shoot space scavengers.’

‘Not me.’ The Captain smiles a toothy smile. ‘I wouldn’t count on us encountering any scavengers, anyway. They tend not to go for space circuses.’

‘Was the space circus _your_ idea?’

‘Me and a bunch of roommates came up with it in our fifth year at the Academy. To be fair, we were a bit drunk when the idea came to us, so we didn’t think Northern Space would actually agree with it. It took three more years to get the project off the ground and convince the Alliance that the project had legs. Mark joining a couple of moon-cycles later helped – he’s come up with great ideas for us, he has. I’m surprised you hadn’t heard of our shows before you came here.’

‘Maybe you need better promoters.’

Gary laughs. Rob’s tummy does a summersault. ‘Maybe. Anyway, making music is what I do in my spare time, is what I’m trying to say. I also collect vintage Earth records, but it’s impossible to get a decent collection together when you’re always away from home. And Sedna isn’t exactly known for its vintage Earth bazaars. They have great food markets, mind. Although they’re a bit expensive.’

‘We’ll be arriving in a couple of star-days, won’t we? On Sedna?’ Rob has rather lost track of time.

‘We will. There’s still enough time for you to get a job if you wanna earn some spending money.’

Rob’s heart starts hammering. This is the moment he’s been waiting for. ‘Speaking of a job, Captain, I was wondering if – what with my being a bit of a prankster – I could try out for the circus troupe. Become a performer, I mean. I think I’d be pretty good at it, if I do say so myself. I’d probably be better at it than doing the laundry, anyway.’

The Captain seems to be absorbed in his thoughts for a bit before he looks at Rob again. ‘No, Rob.’

Rob’s face falls. ‘No?’

‘There are Northern Space officers all over the cosmos,’ the Captain explains.. He sounds calm. ‘If they find out we’re harbouring a stowaway without telling them, everyone on this ship will be out of a job.’

‘And this means I can’t join the circus because –?’ Rob doesn’t get it. Why does it feel like everyone on this ship is being deliberately difficult?

‘You joining the circus troupe would only attract attention. You’d be in the spotlight day in, day out. A Northern Space officer might attend one of the shows and see you.’

‘It’s not like I’d have the words “stowaway” written on my fucking forehead, though, would I?’ Rob bristles. Anger seeps into his veins and floods his body. ‘I’d be wearing a _costume_. That’s the whole _point_.’

The Captain silences Rob with a look. Rob recognises none of the warmth he saw in the Captain when they first met. ‘It’s still a no, Rob. I can’t just have an intruder joining this ship and becoming a part of our shows like they’ve worked for Northern Space for years. That’s not how this works. I’m sorry. You’ll have to keep a low profile, and that is final.’

Rob makes a little choking sound like he’s suddenly forgotten how to breathe. He can feel tears pricking his eyes. He _knew_ he shouldn’t have trusted the Captain to be an exception. He _knew_ his kindness was just pretend.

‘You know, for a second I _really_ thought you were different.’ Ron levers himself out of the bench seat, a hurt expression in his eyes. Above him, more stars shoot past but he doesn’t see them. ‘I thought that _maybe_ I’d finally met someone from Northern Space who doesn’t think they’re better than everyone else, but I guess I was wrong.’

The Captain looks rather helpless in the face of Rob’s outburst. ‘Rob, wait,’ he stammers, getting to his feet, but Rob has already left the observation deck.

He wishes the ship would swallow him whole.   
  


# 15\. Arrival.

‘Come, Rob, let’s go outside and explore.’

‘I don’t want to.’

‘But what about the local food markets? Don’t you want to eat Sedna’ local delicacies?’

Rob shakes his head. At least, Mark _thinks_ that’s what Rob is doing. It’s hard to tell, because Rob has been hidden underneath his duvet for the past six hours, just sleeping and weeping and muttering to himself.

They arrived on Sedna early that morning. Mark woke Rob up so they could experience the landing together, but Rob didn’t care one bit. He was still in a foul mood because the Captain had told him he wasn’t allowed to join the circus. Rob just grunted and sighed and blanketed himself inside his duvet as the ship entered the planet’s atmosphere, a sad expression in his eyes. He’d really looked forward to joining the circus troupe.

To fill the silence in their cabin, Mark asked the on-board computer to tell Rob about Sedna. We will give you a summarised version of it.

When the planet was discovered, Sedna had no atmosphere and no oxygen. Then a freak weather event caused the surface composition to change at the speed of light, and as if by magic, humans and other creatures could live on the planet after all. The planet soon became known for its lush forests and great lakes.

Human settlements soon started appearing on the planet’s surface. There was only one problem: everything on the planet grew really quickly. Meaning, every time a human settler tried cutting down a tree, it would grow back immediately – twice the size.

As a result, human settlers had no choice but to find a way of living that wouldn’t involve cutting down any trees. They soon started building tree huts. The trees clearly didn’t mind, because they did not fight back as the humans started building little treehouses in the forest’s canopy, respecting the trees as they did so.

Soon, the human settlers had created a peaceful community surrounded by only leaves and shrubbery. It was _perfect_. Well – almost perfect. The forest floor, where people hardly ever venture, is said to be rife with strange monsters. But Mark doesn’t mention those, what with Rob’s head filled to the brim with monsters of his own.

As the human settlers built their village, one forest clearing was kept empty for space aviation. Modern starships do not need to whizz down a runway like old-fashioned airplanes, so the clearing was big enough to house most large starships.

S.S. Progress moored there a couple of hours ago. Rob and Mark are the only ones still on the ship.

Mark sits on the edge of Rob’s bed. He pokes the duvet-covered shape of his mate’s body. ‘ _Please_ , Rob. I know you’re kind of disappointed because the Captain wouldn’t let you join the circus troupe, but you can’t stay inside your cabin all day.’

Rob does not respond. He pretends to be sleeping by breathing very slowly and deliberately.

‘We could have some food, if you want? There’s some really good food stalls here, you know. There’s this food stall where you can eat fish and chips and the seats are all branches.’

‘I’m not hungry.’ Rob’s voice is muffled by his duvet.

‘ _I_ could pay? I still have some money left from last moon-cycle’s wages. We could have breakfast and then head down to the local market together. The first show isn’t until one moon-phase from now, so there’s still time to explore.’

Rob lets out a groan. Any mention of the circus makes him upset.

‘Or we could, you know, stay here all day.’ Mark scrunches up his nose. ‘It’s not like you’ve had a life-long dream of visiting your first planet, anyway. I suppose it doesn’t matter.’

The human lump underneath the duvet stirs. Rob rises slowly, his hair all messy. His eyes look red. ‘I suppose a quick look wouldn’t hurt.’ He lets out a sigh that rocks his entire body. ‘But if I meet Captain Barlow I’m headin’ straight back, Mark. I don’t want to see that man ever again.’

‘Why?’ Mark’s question is blunt but fair.

‘Because he let me down, Mark. The Captain let me down. I thought he was different! But it turned out he wanted me to disappear all along, just like all the other crewman.’ Rob sniffs. His duvet slips down his right shoulder, and he pulls it back up again.

‘I don’t think that’s true, you know. I think the Captain appreciates you very much.’

Rob scoffs. ‘He told me to keep a low profile! I _hate_ him.’

‘Now you’re just being silly,’ Mark says. ‘I don’t think you hate him at all – I think you just fancy him, and you’re being deliberately angry at him because you think he let you down even though the Captain is just trying to protect you.’

Rob’s lips pinch themselves together. ‘Mark, I . . . I don’t fancy the Captain.’

‘Don’t you? Cos you spend an awful lot of time staring at him and talking about him in your sleep.’

Silence. Rob snuggles into his duvet, a conflicted look in his eyes. ‘I suppose I do fancy him, a little. I mean, he’s not entirely terrible looking. But it’s not like it _matters_ , because he doesn’t like me back. At the end of the day, I’m just a stowaway. I’m an “intruder”. I’m just a liability.’

‘You’re not,’ Mark insists. Why can’t Rob see what he sees?

‘I am, though. Why else do you think the Captain is always staring at me like I’m a star that’s about to explode?’

Mark tells Rob he’s being silly again.

Rob runs his hands down his face. He shakes his head, takes a deep breath, then tries to compose himself. He glances at the porthole, and right on cue an exotic alien bird darts past. It looked beautiful.

Rob sighs heavily. ‘I _suppose_ a quick look at the planet won’t hurt – if only to make me forget the fact that I just told you my deepest secret! Mark, if you tell anyone what I just said . . .’

‘I won’t. I’m _very_ good at keeping secrets.’ Mark has visibly brightened. He hands his mate a map of the planet’s main village. He has circled all the main attractions like the food market and the village square. ‘As I said, I was thinking that maybe we could pay a visit to the food market and have lunch there.’

‘Will Captain Barlow be there?’

‘Probably not.’ Mark shrugs not knowing.

Rob lets out a sigh that rocks his entire body. ‘This better be good, Mark, or I’m headin’ straight back to bed.’  
  


# 16\. The first planet.

Rob is really happy Mark persuaded him to leave the ship in the end. Sedna is easily the prettiest place he’s ever been to, and he immediately feels better.

After a short walk away from the ship, the lads quickly reach the edge of the forest. All around them, there are trees as tall as skyscrapers. They’re covered in rope ladders, walkways and thatched huts that remind Rob of when he was a child and he wished he could live in a treehouse. The huts themselves are connected through wooden catwalks and rope ladders that dangle from the forest floor at dizzying heights. There’s even a communal meeting area where merchants sell their wares at wooden food stalls. Rob feels a thrill just looking at it.

Just in case, Rob checks his foot on the forest floor to make sure he isn’t actually inside a massive holographic simulation. Unlike the floor in the Graph Vault where Elly resides, the ground of the planet Sedna feels comfortingly real. Every now and then, he catches a whiff of wet grass. A harmless pink insect is trying to creep up his jumper. In between the thick canopy, he can see three moons. Three _moons_. He feels like he’s the luckiest person in the world. Well, apart from the fact that he’s not allowed to join the circus troupe, anyway.

The village is built twenty metres off the ground, so Rob and Mark have to walk several wooden ramps to get there. Rob starts sweating after just five minutes.

‘Don’t worry,’ Mark reassures him. ‘It’ll be worth it.’

Mark is right. The village is beautiful. The village is shielded from the sun by the forest canopy, basking the village in a cosy sort of darkness, like when you’re inside a blanket fort. A breeze flows through the village, and every now and then a lost raindrop slips down a leaf and drops down the back of Rob’s jumper.

Rob doesn’t know where to look. There’s so much to take in.

A breeze carries the delicious smell of food. It’s a smell not familiar to Rob. He inhales sharply. ‘What. Is. That.’

Mark sniffs. ‘I think that’s Sedna’ famous tree fruit. They serve it with moon salt and asteroid shavings.’

‘You’re joking. You’re not joking!’ Rob has visibly brightened. ‘I want _six_.’

They follow their noses to a small market area. The forest is denser here, so the entire area is even darker than the rest of the village. Here and there, Rob spots tree trunks that have been carved to fit luminous mushrooms inside them. The cool air is filled with the smell of food.

They join a large queue in front of a stall that sells tree fruit, the planet’s local delicacy. The queue consists mostly of local villagers, but here and there, Rob thinks he can spot Visitors: people from a different planet. Some of them are wearing official-looking uniforms he’s never seen before.

The Captain’s words ring through his ears. _A Northern Space officer might attend one of the shows and see you. You’ll have to keep a low profile, and that is final._ Just in case, Rob pulls his hoodie over his head.   
  


# 17\. Wash your mouth, son.

The tree-top village is so large that Rob quickly gets separated from Mark. He gets lost. Somehow, he has managed to follow a wooden ramp down to the forest floor. There are no thatched huts or food stalls here. There is only the edge of the forest – littered with over two dozen crewmen from the ship – and a circus tent, as tall as its surrounding trees.

It’s the first time Rob has ever seen a circus tent (or big top) up close. It’s set up in a forest clearing, and it’s surrounded by people carrying crates and boxes with props in them. They’re people who ordinarily work on the ship: Chief Analysts, Pilots, Bridge Admin Assistants, Engineers, even the Chefs from the canteen. They’ve all been asked to pitch the tent. 

Metal poles keeping the tent in place have been decorated with red and white flags that flutter in the forest breeze. A red carpet is being laid out in front of the big top entrance by three crewmen, drawing Rob’s eye inside.

He approaches the big top slowly. The inside of the tent is still empty and bare, but Rob knows from the simulation in the Graph Vault that the big top will soon be filled with hundreds of red velvet seats. People from all over the village – no, the entire planet – will come here watch the show.

Rob feels a painful longing looking at the tent. He really wanted to become a part of the circus troupe. It would have been so perfect: he’d have been able to perform every single night, basking in the awe of an adorning audience.

An audience who wouldn’t know he’s a stowaway.

He still feels a painful stab in his chest whenever he thinks about that word. _Stowaway. Intruder. Liability._ He keeps repeating the words over and over in his head, hearing it over the incessant flux of his own demons.

Looking at the tent only makes Rob feel worse. He’s about to head back to the village and look for his mate when a spine-tingling cry makes him start. There’s the sound of something hitting the floor, then silence.

He turns on the spot. His blood turns cold. Several metres away from the big top, he can see a young lad several years Rob’s junior, sprawled out on the floor at an odd angle.

A woman –a Chief Analyst on the bridge – is clutching the lad’s right foot. Rob reels when he notices that the lad’s foot has been pierced with a piece of wood. A wooden crate lies in pieces on the ground next to them, its heavy contents spilling out of it. A strain of blood is blooming through the unconscious lad’s sneakers. The crate must have fallen on his foot and splintered into a dozen pieces.

Rob watches the display as if in a daze. The woman on the forest floor looks pale. ‘Get help, quickly!’ one crewman shouts at his colleagues.

There’s a sudden coming and going of panic-stricken people: engineers, officers, pilots. People who are used to working on the bridge of the ship, but who have no idea what to do in a medical emergency.

The Chief Analyst clutching the unconscious lad’s foot spots Rob in the crowd and addresses him. Rob flinches. ‘You. Stowaway.’

Rob takes a step back. He wouldn’t put it past the crew to blame him for something he didn’t do.

Instead, the Chief Analyst asks Rob if he can stand in for Kai, the lad who’s lost consciousness. 

Rob points at himself. ‘Who? Me?’

‘Yes, you. You see any other stowaways around here?’ The woman points at a pile of crates next to the red carpet. ‘Get those crates inside the big top while we wait for the medic to arrive.’

It’s not a request, but an order. A butterfly of pride spreads its wings inside Rob’s tummy. He’s been given a job! Sure, it’s only temporary, and the circumstances aren’t exactly great, but still! A job!

He gets straight to work. Fuelled by a burst of excitement, Rob manages to carry four large crates inside the big top in the time it takes the medical officer to arrive.

As the injured lad is carried back to the ship on a stretcher (he has by now regained consciousness, and will probably live to tell the tale), Rob gets more jobs to do. “Carry this, do that.” Rob doesn’t mind. It means he finally gets to make himself useful, which in turn means he can finally prove all the crewmen wrong and ignore the pesky little voices inside his head.

He isn’t “just” a stowaway – he’s just Rob, and he’s trying to help.

With one crewman short, Rob helps out pitching the tent well into the afternoon. He feels really, really good about it. He might never get a job in the circus itself, but maybe he could help out with the setting up of the tent on a permanent basis.

‘Rob. What do you think you’re doing?’

A familiar voice pops through Rob’s thoughts like a bubble being pricked. He pretends not to have heard it. He stubbornly puts his head down – his heart hammering – and continues putting down red velvet chairs in the big top.

Big mistake.

‘Robert. Williams.’ The Captain’s voice booms through the tent. Other crewmen stop to listen. Rob feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. ‘Explain what you’re doing. Now. That is an _order_.

Rob looks up reluctantly. His heart sinks. The Captain looks angry.

Always the prankster, Rob tries to brush it off with a joke. An offhand remark. That always worked when he was still on Earth. ‘You look upset, Captain. Did the market run out of barbequed tree fruit with a sprinkle of moon salt?’

The Captain doesn’t laugh. Rob had hoped for a chuckle, at least. ‘Do you think ignoring my orders is funny, Rob? I asked you to keep a low profile.’ The Captain gestures at their surroundings. _Starships aren’t piloted by emotions._ ‘How is this keeping a low profile?’

Rob clenches his jaw. Even when the Captain caught him sneaking on board of the ship, there was still a certain warmth to his voice; a sort of quiet understanding, like when you did something bad at school and your teacher allowed you to get away with it, only just.

Not to mention their meeting on the observation deck, when the Captain held his gaze for so long and with such intensity that Rob had to look away for fear of burning up like a star; or when the Captain answered the door in his underpants, and Rob felt like he would burst.

The Captain made him feel so _seen,_ more than any man or woman ever had, and now all of that is gone. Is this how space will always be, forever? A promising place that is full of wonder and intrigue, only for it to be filled with asteroids that can kill you with a single blow?

Rob feels desperately let down by it.

‘I _am_ keeping a low profile,’ Rob bristles. ‘I’m inside, see?’ He gestures wildly at the inside of the tent.

‘Someone still could have seen you, Rob. Explore the planet by all means, but I don’t want you helping out our crew out in the open, where a Northern Space officer could see you and report us all. If you want to be a part of the circus, you can watch the show from the stands. In disguise.’

‘How the fuck is that fair!?’ Rob snaps.

‘You’re a stowaway,’ the Captain snaps back. The slightest tone of resentment colours his voice. ‘You don’t get to decide what’s fair or not. Is. That. Clear.’

Rob’s face grows as hot as the surface of Venus. He has to resist the urge to sneer. He wants desperately to say no; _It’s not clear, Captain, you’re a twat, Captain,_ but he can’t, of course. As much as the Captain has let him down, he knows better than to disobey.

More than that, he doesn’t want to be disobedient because a part of him still wants the Captain to like him. In all the ways possible. Rob would be lying if he said he hadn’t fantasised about the Captain “punishing” him for not following orders in his private quarters; or that he hasn’t wondered what it would be like to spend a night with him.

But he can’t say all that, of course. He simply says ‘Yes, Captain,’ as politely as he can, and walks out of the tent with his head held high.

Rob doesn’t allow his anger to show until he reaches his cabin, where he hides under his duvet, vowing to never look the Captain in the eye ever again, his heart utterly broken.

He’s lightyears away from home, and he misses it terribly.   
  


# 18\. Run away (to the circus)

A couple of days later, Rob is sandwiched between two strangers in the big top. He feels hot. A light is shining inside his eyes. There are noises everywhere. People laughing. Are they laughing at _him?_

He feels uncomfortable. Out of place. There’s a hood over his head, and someone loaned him a pair of glasses. It’s meant to be a disguise, but it feels like a clown costume.

Captain Barlow told Rob that he’d be allowed to watch the first circus show on Sedna only if he went in disguise. The Captain is convinced that a very official Northern Space officer will attend the show and spot Rob in the audience and arrest him for illegally sneaking on board of a starship, so the disguise was necessary. _Apparently._

Still, at least it’s better than being stuck inside your cabin.

It’s better than not being allowed to help anyone pitch up the tent because you’re a liability.

It’s better than being told to keep your head down.

He still feels shit, though. He doesn’t recognise a single face in the audience. Everyone he knows from the ship is down below, in the big top’s dark backstage area.

It’s another reminder that he’s not really a part of the crew. He’s just a stowaway, nothing else. All he can do is watch the show and constantly be reminded of the fact that he has no place in space.

Funny, isn’t it? He’d have thought that the Milky Way would have enough space for everyone. Clearly not.

The lights go out, marking the beginning of the show. The crowd erupts into cheers. Rob should feel happy, but he doesn’t. He lets the show wash over him in rocky waves. His brain hardly takes it in.

From what he can tell, the show is more or less the same as the simulation Rob watched in the Graph Vault a couple of moon-phases ago. Acrobats spin through the air. Elly the elephant shows up mid-show, her metal hide glistening in the spotlight, Mark sat on top of him in a garish glitter suit _._ A trapeze artist makes breath-taking jumps from one trapeze to another. A woman summersaults into the air with two hoops balanced in her arms. A man juggles knives in the air. A woman made of steel lifts up old space rocket. Drones fly in formation through the audience. Young children from the village – volunteers – cycle into the tent on unicycles. A soundtrack of Earth music ties the whole thing together.

In other words, it’s the same show – but this one is happening for real. A wall of warmth hits Rob’s skin when a fire-breather spits fire. A balloon flies past his nose, then another. He feels a sudden fever of excitement when Elly the elephant douses the audience in a sprinkle of water from her metal trunk, Mark smiling gleefully on top of her. Rob has to duck when a small drone artfully dips and rolls through the crowd.

All of this is real. Not a hologram.

As a clown tries to balance on top of a large ball that has the same colours and swirls as the planet Sedna, Rob can actually feel his mood lifting. It’s a really good show, much better than the one he watched in the Graph Vault. It smells of fire and smoke and dry ice. He finds himself humming quietly to the pop music that plays in the background while a magician tries to saw a woman on a car-sized asteroid in half. As much as he hates to say it, he’s really enjoying himself.

That is, he was until Captain Barlow showed up.

He’s the ringleader. An entertainer. An _artist_. He ties the whole show together through song. He plays the piano like he was born to do it. Here, Rob sees not a Captain who is daring or brave or tough, but a Captain who has an enviable ear for music. The song he plays is so gorgeous that you’d almost be forgiven for not noticing that a man is walking on a tightrope above your head.

Then the Captain looks up from the piano and meets Rob’s gaze, and Rob feels cold all over again. He pulls his hoodie further down his forehead and sinks deeper into his seat. He hates the Captain still. Rob would so have liked to be down below, where all the crewmen are, singing a song or even just dressing up as a clown. He thinks he would have been really good at it.

Northern Space will never allow it, though. He’s meant to keep his head down. _Keep a low profile. Stay out of trouble._ So he keeps his head down for the rest of the show.

***

During a fifteen-minute interval of the show, Rob decides to get some fresh air. Today’s circus show is a matinee performance just for young families, so he has to blink against the bright light of the sun.

The forest clearing where the big top resides has filled with people. They’re all smiling and talking positively about the show. No _wonder_ the Captain walks around with his chin held high all the time, Rob thinks bitterly. He practically had the entire audience eating out of his hand just now.

Looking at the crowd, Rob doesn’t really understand the Captain’s concerns. There are no _officers_ here. It’s just children and mothers and fathers and uncles and aunties. He’s not likely to be arrested by a _child_ , is he? It’s almost as if the Captain won’t allow him to join the circus just to spite him.

Just the thought alone angers him. Rob directs his anger on a tree branch on the forest floor. He kicks it away from him as hard as he can. It lands in front of a pair of shiny black shoes.

‘The show was that bad, eh?’

Blood rushes to Rob’s cheeks. He looks up. A lot of words come to mind. He manages to blurt out the only polite sentence he can manage. ‘Surprised to see you here. Captain.’

Rob could have left it at that, but he feels like being deliberately stubborn. ‘I thought you’d be backstage instead of mingling with the members of the crowd like me.’ He pronounces the word “crowd” as though it leaves a particularly bad aftertaste in his mouth.

‘I just wanted to see how you were doing.’ Captain Barlow doesn’t seem to have caught Rob’s bitter tone. He’s dressed in a simple dress shirt, not circus-like at all. He looks like he’s trying to make amends after his outburst in the big top a couple of star-days ago, but Rob isn’t buying it. ‘I tried spotting you in the crowd, but I wasn’t sure where you were.’

‘Guess my disguise worked, then, Captain.’ Rob clenches his jaw. Even though he can see that the Captain is trying to be kind, he can still feel anger bubbling up inside of him. ‘That’s what you wanted, isn’t it? You wanted me to stay small, like a _rat_.’

The Captain looks aghast at this outburst, but Rob doesn’t care. The anger erupts out of his pores, like hot lava bleeding from the volcanoes on Mars. ‘That’s what you all think of me, right, Captain? You all think I’m a _pest_. You’d all rather have me falling into a black hole.’

‘Rob, that’s not true,’ the Captain says. He laughs uncertainly. ‘I just want what’s right for the crew of this ship, is all.’

‘Except I’m not a member of the crew, am I, so you don’t care _how_ I feel,’ Rob snaps. He turns red at his own outburst. In the background, a tannoy announces that the show will resume in five minutes’ time. Members of the audience rush to join a line at a stand selling popcorn. Three clowns appear, helping the families back inside the tent in a safe manner.

Rob ought to feel a rush of adrenaline, urgency, but he feels anything but. He wants to disappear and never come back.

‘You know what, Captain, I’m not even going to bother watching the rest of the show now.’ Rob sniffs. He can feel tears pricking the back of his eyes. He’s tired of the Captain constantly reminding him how awful he is. ‘I’ll just hide in my cabin and keep a low profile, shall I?’

The Captain opens his mouth to protest.

Rob holds up his hand to silence him. ‘How many times have you reminded me I’m a “liability” now? Twice? Three times?’ He starts counting on his fingers. ‘First, on the viewing deck, right; then – second time –, a couple of star-days ago, when I was just trying to fucking _help out_ , and now this. What the _fuck_. You don’t have to keep rubbing it in.’

‘I’m not!’ the Captain protests, sounding almost like a child, but Rob has heard more than enough.

‘You’re such a _twat_ , Captain. Honestly, fuck you. Are crewmen allowed to say that? Oh, wait.’ Rob pastes a fake smile on his face. ‘I’m not a part of the crew, am I? _Am I_ , Captain?’

The Captain swallows hard. For a fleeting second, his face softens into something almost kind-looking. _Warm_. Then he draws himself up even taller than usual _,_ and he looks just like all the smug Captains Rob has ever read about on the internet. ‘No, you’re not.’

‘I thought as much.’ Rob swallows. He holds the Captain’s gaze, wishing for all the world that he wouldn’t look at him with so much coldness. The Captain will never accept him, not really. ‘I guess this is the moment when I’m supposed to walk away in tears, right?’

The Captain sets his jaw. ‘I think I’ll spare you the effort.’

Shoving his hands inside his pockets, the Captain turns and walks away.

It’s not until Gary re-enters the big top that he realises that he is shaking. He enters a small storage room, alone, to calm himself down. In the background, he can hear the tannoy announcing the start of the show. Thankfully he doesn’t play a part in the show again until the very end.

Having entered a room filled with props, Gary takes a seat on a small exercise ball. It bounces. He takes deep breaths in and out like he was taught at the academy.

He doesn’t understand what is happening. He just wanted to see how Rob was doing. He wanted to ask him what he thought of the show and what his favourite parts were.

So why does he feel like he’s just fucked up the most basic human interaction? Why is his heart beating at light-speed pace, and why does he keep picturing Rob in his mind?

He doesn’t get it. He’s not sure if he _wants_ to get it. He has no idea what is wrong or right anymore. He thought he was doing the right thing, following Northern Space regulation like the on-board computer told him and reminding Rob of his standing on the ship, but it didn’t feel good in the slightest.

Truth be told, he just wants Rob to like him, like _he_ likes Rob.

How in the universe is he ever going to do that, when he keeps treating his crush like crap just because an old rulebook told him to?  
  


# 19\. The final straw.

Rob hates SS Progress, with all its decks and corridors and quiet little corners that he keeps getting lost in. He hates the ship’s crew. He hates Sedna and its three moons that seem to follow him everywhere. He despises his past self for hitchhiking to Trafford Spaceport and not bothering to check where he was going.

He also really, really hates Captain Barlow. Deep down, all Rob ever wanted was for the Captain to like him. Not just tolerate him, but _like_ him, like people in love do. He wanted from the Captain something more than just friendship, and on more than two occasions, he actually felt like the Captain wanted the same. Like in the laundrette, when the Captain teased him about his shirts, or when they met on the observation deck and they stared at the stars together. He really thought that the Captain liked him back, and that they’d one day be sauntering on the plains of Kepler-452 together.

Rob guesses he was wrong about that.

What else does he hate? Oh – the circus, of course. He hates every part of it: the clowns, the trapeze acts, the hoopers, the knife jugglers, the singers, the tightrope walkers, the pop music that plays in the background, the drone pilots, even Elly the elephant.

A show has taken place in the same fucking forest clearing for the past couple of days, and after every show, the crew will return to the ship gloating about how “good” and “wonderful” and “special” it was.

Rob, of course, wouldn’t know. He wishes he could steal a shuttlecraft and fly back to his home planet on his own.

One night, Rob gets so depressed that he cannot sleep. The ship, which is still moored on the surface of Sedna, has ceased operations for the day. At the other side of the cabin, Mark is sleeping peacefully with a large teddy bear held inside his arms. The curtainless porthole next to Rob’s bed shows Sedna’s forests silhouetted against the light of the planet’s three moons. A red light keeps blinking on and off on the ceiling; the on-board computer. Every now and then, Rob hears the blood-curdling scream of an alien creature, hidden in the undergrowth of the forest outside the ship.

The cry sounds like how Rob feels. Alone. Panicked. Scared.

He tries to close his eyes and rest. He still cannot sleep. He sits up straight and hugs his knees to his chest. He listens out for Mark’s familiar soft snores, hesitates, then whispers, ‘Computer?’

The small pin-sized light on the ceiling turns green. **‘Yes, Robert Williams?’**

‘You’re really good at calculations, aren’t you? Maths and estimations and stuff.’

**‘That is correct.’**

Rob starts when Mark mutters something in his sleep. He stares hard at the dark bundle of blankets on Mark’s bed and waits for the familiar sound of Mark’s snores. ‘If I disappeared, how many people on this ship would care?’

**‘I cannot say, Robert Williams. I am programmed to make estimates based on facts, not feelings.’**

Rob rewords his question. ‘Okay, then tell me this.’ He speaks his words slowly and deliberately. ‘In the past moon-cycle, how many people on board have complained about me?’

**‘In the past moon-cycle, starting my calculations on Stardate 24.023008, ninety-seven crewmen have complained about you, Robert Williams. Would you like to hear some excerpts? I have them all stored in my voice database.’**

‘No, thanks.’

Rob hides his face inside his arms. The thought that so many crewmen complained about him brings tears to his eyes. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that everyone on the ship hates him, but it still stings. It hurts like you wouldn’t _believe_.

‘What about the Captain? Does _he_ care?’

**‘I am not permitted to give that information.’**

Rob looks up. ‘What does _that_ mean?’

**‘I am not permitted to give that information. I am not allowed to give information based on the Captain’s actions.’**

Rob scoffs. ‘Cheers, mate.’

**‘My response has made your heart rate go up,’** the on-board computer points out matter-of-factly. **‘It seems like every time the Captain is mentioned, your body reacts . . . strangely.’**

‘You don’t have to remind me,’ Rob sighs. Any reminder that he fancies the Captain hits him like a blow from an asteroid.

The on-board computer may not be able to make estimates based on feelings, but to Rob, his original question has already been answered. _In the past moon-phase, ninety-seven crewmen have complained about you._ If he disappeared, no one would give a shit.

He might as well walk away from the ship while he still can. 

He grabs his bags and disappears into the dark, alien night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gary finds out that Rob has gone missing.

# 20\. Making an effort.

_Moonlight_

_The smell of the ocean_

_And the frozen earth_

_All unknown to me_

_A quiet night wraps itself around me_

_I have the power of light right here_

_***_

It’s customary that the captain of a starship conducts a formal chat, called an “intake”, with all the people on board of the ship before they become a part of the crew. During the intake, the crewmen will be asked about their reasons for being in space.

Even Rob had to have an intake, with Captain Barlow of course. After the intake, Rob was told to go in quarantine in his old cabin whilst he waited to be given the all-clear from the medical team. Every intake gets recorded by the on-board computer.

One day, overcome with curiosity, Gary listens to the recording of his intake with Rob again. He doesn’t know precisely what he wants to hear. He just knows that he wants to hear Rob’s voice inside his ear.

The recording starts with a crackling sound before Gary’s voice comes to life. _‘Why do you want to go to space, Mr Williams?’_

_‘Because it’s there.’_

_‘That’s not a reason.’_

_‘Isn’t it? Why do you think people started explorin’ space in the first place?’_

_‘All right, then what do you want to get out of this trip?’_

_‘Are you asking me what my goals are or something?’ There’s a mocking lilt at the end of that question._

_‘Sure.’_

The silence on tape lasts about a minute, maybe a little less. _‘When I was young, I suffered from anxiety,’_ Rob explains. ‘ _It was very, very bad. There were days I couldn’t even get out of my house and stuff. But the night sky was always there, and it gave me a lot of comfort, just watchin’ the stars from my bedroom window and pretendin’ I could one day be up there. You know what I mean? I spent all my free time talkin’ about space on this amazing online forum that I discovered when I was about thirteen. I was too afraid to leave the house, but I could still pretend I was amongst the planets and all that.’ A sniff. ‘I guess I’m hopin’ that travelling to space will make me feel like I’ve finally gotten over all that stuff.’_

_‘Has it, so far?’_

The next answer is curt. _‘No.’_

_‘Why not?’_

The conversation falls into silence again for a couple of seconds. _‘When I saw the Earth from the porthole in the cargo bay earlier, I had a bit of a wobble suddenly. I felt very, very scared and very, very alone. I had hoped that all that crap from Earth wouldn’t follow me here.’_ Quiet. A nervous sigh. _‘I guess I was wrong.’_

_‘Everyone feels scared and alone when they first travel to space_ ,’ the on-tape Gary explains. _‘It’s part of the deal. Most people don’t ever get rid of it, they don’t. If you’re not scared, you’re doing something wrong, is what I think. Just give it t—’_

Gary presses PAUSE on his holographic touch screen. He sighs and runs his hands across his suddenly warm face.

Listening to the recording now, Gary feels quite guilty about the way he’s been treating Rob. From what Gary can tell from the recording, Rob was just a scared lad who was hoping space would be his escape.

And now it’s not. Rob has entered a world that is firmly against him. Everyone on S.S. Progress hates him. He gets bullied everywhere he goes.

Gary himself has constantly reminded Rob that he’s just a “stowaway”. A liability. An intruder. This seems to go against the very core of the space circus, which was founded just to spread joy throughout the universe.

Truth be told, Gary _really_ likes Rob. He shouldn’t, but he does. He likes Rob more than he can say. Every time they share a look in the canteen or the ship’s cold corridors, Gary feels a hot flush rushing up his chest. He _dreads_ each moment he’s forced to reprimand Rob for not keeping his head down or not sticking to the rules.

Even the on-board computer has pointed out that his dopamine levels go up every time they meet.

He’s still a captain, though. He’s still in charge of this ship. The livelihoods of one-hundred-and-fifty members of crew depend on him making the right decisions. Should he let his actions be led by his emotions, and not the Norther Space rules that were hammered into him at the Academy?

He’s torn. As much as he respects the rulebook, he doesn’t want Rob to end up resenting space because of him. He’d much prefer to offer Rob his apologies and hand him a spot in the circus troupe after all.

Gary looks at the digital clock in his ready room. It is 7:59 a.m. Yesterday marked the last circus performance on Sedna, a gorgeous green world with trees everywhere. Today, the big top will be dismantled. In two days’ time, the ship will head to another planet in the galaxy. If Gary wants to go to Rob’s cabin and apologise for being a dick, now is the right time.

But what is he going to wear?

Gary looks down at what he’s wearing. He’s wearing his uniform, of course, with the two stars on his shoulders; one for each ship he’s ever been the captain of. He looks good. Stern. Professional. Perhaps _too_ professional.

He opens his wardrobe. It’s filled with black uniforms and boring dress shirts. They’re not at all the type of clothes you should wear when you’re trying to say sorry to someone who doesn’t like authority.

Not to mention the fact that Gary would quite like to impress Rob. Why, he has no idea. Captains generally do not need to bother to impress people; they’re already imposing enough by themselves. That’s what the stars on his shoulders are for.

Still, it wouldn’t hurt to wear something nice.

After some rummaging through old clothes drawers, Gary finally manages to put together an outfit he vaguely likes: a black T-shirt and black trousers. It’s not the most imaginative outfit in the world, but it shows off his arms, which is good, and it also shows off his chest, which is even better. Just in case the outfit is too informal, he adds an enamel pin of the Northern Space Alliance logo on his chest. Just in case.

Gary reaches the door of cabin 103.B five minutes later, where Mark and Rob live together. He feels strangely nervous. He hasn’t rehearsed his words. He’s hoping the apology will come to him naturally.

He raises his fist and knocks on the door.  
  


# 21\. Mark and Gary.

That morning, a couple of hours earlier, Mark wakes to an empty cabin. Rob isn’t there.

Mark doesn’t find this particularly suspicious. Lots of people on the ship don’t return to their cabins at night for various reasons, and Mark quickly assumes Rob had simply hooked up with someone. He’s glad. His best mate deserves to have a good night after having his heart broken by the captain, his crush.

Then Mark notices the note on Rob’s bedside table. Mark folds it out and finds it is not so much a note, but a letter. A very long letter. It had been scribbled quickly, and it is full of spelling mistakes.

In the letter, Rob writes that he’s decided to leave the ship because feels like a “burden” and a “danger to others”. It goes on like this for quite a few paragraphs, with the words becoming sadder and sadder. There’s a smudge on the paper that Mark thinks looks like a tear stain. Mark’s heart aches reading it.

Rob had concluded his letter with one request: _Don’t come looking for me._ He’d signed the letter not with his name, but with a single, curt _PLEASE,_ in shaky capital letters.

Mark is just about to turn over the letter when there’s a single knock on the door. Hope flutters inside his chest. Perhaps this was all a big prank?

He jumps up from Rob’s bed, the letter still inside his hand, and flings the door open, his heart hammering in anticipation.

His face falls. ‘Captain Barlow.’

‘I’m looking for Rob,’ the Captain says, straight to the point as always. He is dressed nicely.

‘Rob has gone missing,’ Mark blurts out.

A shadow of worry crosses the Captain’s face before he quickly composes himself and steps into the cabin. He tries to speak sharply, but his strict, demanding tone is belied by the look in his eyes. _Fear_. ‘Tell me everything.’

‘Rob didn’t come home after the show last night,’ Mark explains breathlessly. ‘I thought, you know, maybe he met someone and he went back to their cabin and stayed the night,’ (here, the Captain looks away blushing) ‘but then I found a note he’d left on his bedside table. It says in the note that he was planning to walk away from the ship because –he _felt like a burden_.’ Mark says this with a sad finality, like someone admitting that a dying planet has reached its final moments.

The Captain reads the note Mark gave him. He stares at it, pale as a moon.

‘Gary—’ It’s generally seen as bad form to call the Captain by his first name, but Gary lets it slip. They are mates, after all. ‘We leave Sedna in less than two star-days. If we don’t find him . . .’

‘We will.’ Gary’s answer is curt. He folds up Rob’s note and places it carefully on Rob’s bedside table, where Mark found it. He sits down on Rob’s bed and sighs, the tiredness in his body obvious on his face. He shakes his head as if to clear it. ‘Computer, confirm Robert Williams’ last-known location.’ He doesn’t sound as imposing as he usually does. 

The on-board computer takes a long time to answer. **‘Unknown, Captain.’**

‘What do you mean?’

**‘Robert Williams’ last-known location is unknown, Captain.’**

Gary’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead. ‘Can’t you just scan the planet and find him?’

**‘Negative, Captain. My systems allow me to scan only for official S.S. Progress crewmen. Robert Williams is not a crewman, and therefore I am not able to look for him.’**

‘What about his smartphone?’ Mark pipes in. ‘Can’t you track Rob that way?’

**‘It would appear Robert Williams has left his smartphone inside his cabin.’**

Warmth crawls up Gary’s neck. Guilt makes his tummy constrict. If Gary hadn’t been so hell-bent on following the rules to the letter, Rob would still be here.

To Gary, this is obvious. Rob left because of _him_. If only he had been honest about his feelings for him!

‘Gary?’ Mark is speaking quietly. His eyes are glistening with worry. ‘What do we do now?’

Gary bites the inside of his cheek. He turns to the porthole next to Rob’s bed. The sky outside has turned dark and uninviting. ‘I’m assuming Rob has entered the woods. If we can’t use the computer to look for him, then we’ll have no choice but to do it ourselves.’

Mark’s eyes dart at the forest outside the ship. ‘What, out _there_?’

‘Yes. Out there. The two of us.’

They sit there in silence for nearly a minute, each with their own thoughts.

They’ve both heard the rumours about the deadly understories of Sedna, where the villagers never dare venture. Rumours about live branches that can drag a human into the ground. Trees that can snap your bones in two. Leaves that can kill. There’s a reason why the people on this planet live so high up the ground.

_Don’t come looking for me._

‘We have no choice,’ Gary goes on. He’s not sure if he’s saying it to convince Mark, or himself. He wasn’t exactly known at the Academy for being courageous. ‘Rob doesn’t know the terrain as well as we do. If we hurry—’

‘We might still catch up with him. I know.’ Mark nods bravely. The thought of looking for Rob worries and scares him, but he can’t stand the thought of Rob being alone in an alien forest. ‘When do we leave?’

‘We leave as soon as I’ve nicked two sleeping bags from the emergency supplies room,’ Gary says. His forehead deepens into a frown. ‘I’ve a feeling we won’t be back from our search before morning. This’ll be interesting, this . . .’

**‘Captain, this is highly irregular,’** the on-board computer interrupts. **‘You are the Captain of this ship. You are supposed to stay at the ship at all times – not risk your life for a stowaway on an ill-prepared _expedition_. If you want to look for Robert Williams, I will put together a search crew. ’**

Gary huffs. ‘What good would that do? Everyone on this ship hates Rob. They wouldn’t look for him even if I ordered them to. It’ll have to be us. It’ll have to be _me_.’ He looks down. His heart is racing. ‘I’m the one who got Rob in this mess, so I’ll have to be the one to get him out of it.’

The on-board computer seems to consider this. It does not speak for a while. **‘Your vital signs are off, Captain. Your heart rate has gone up. Should I call the emergency medical team and ask them to put you through a series of medical checks? Your body seems to be displaying irregular activity quite a lot lately.’**

‘Negative, Computer.’ Gary glances at Mark, who smiles gently, a knowing look in his eyes. ‘This one cannot be fixed by a doctor, I’m afraid.’

**‘I don’t understand.’**

‘I’m scared, Computer. Not just scared – I’m bloody terrified. You know better than most that I’ve always dreaded going out into the field. I hate expeditions. You’ve got all my reports from the Academy in your database. I’m not brave. I’m just someone who became Captain because he wanted to learn about the music from Gliese 581c. The idea of going looking for Rob out there absolutely terrifies me.’

**‘Then why are you going to do it?’**

‘Because I feel guilty. Because –’ He considers it. He thinks back to when he first met Rob, in the cargo bay on Deck 04, when he spotted the tattoo of a swirling blue and green planet on Rob’s arm. ‘I’m going to do it because I care about Rob. I know I don’t look it, but I do _care_.’

Mark squeezes Gary’s shoulder, knowing. ‘You fancy him, don’t you?’

‘D-don’t be ridiculous,’ Gary warbles. The lie doesn’t come out that convincingly. ‘I just want him to be safe. I don’t want him to disappear into the forest not knowing – not knowing that people on the ship care about him. That _I care_.’

Mark deliberately says nothing. He knows better than that.

***

Mark wouldn’t have agreed to going on a dangerous “expedition” if he didn’t care deeply about Rob. Rob is his mate, and he will do everything to get him back again.

There’s another reason, though: Captain Barlow. Gary. Mark would trust Gary with his life. Gary may not be known for being brave of having the best grades for his physical exams at the academy, but he has something else. He has dignity. He has warmth.

Mark first realise how good Gary was seven Earth orbital rotations ago, on the ship’s first-ever tour. He was a dancer in the circus troupe back then, and during his breaks, Mark would hide in the backstage area of the big top and get out a journal and write down ideas for the circus shows without anyone knowing.

Mark was working on one of his ideas in his journal when all of a sudden Captain Barlow stumbled into Mark’s hiding place in the big top. Mark’s first instinct was to shove his journal behind his back.

He barely knew the Captain. He was always there, manning the bridge and giving people orders, but Mark had never really the time to talk to him properly. At the time, the circus was still fairly minimalistic. The most exciting performance involved a performance of a juggler who used small pieces of moonrocks instead of clubs.

‘Mr Owen.’ The Captain looked as startled as Mark felt. He looked a bit lost, to be honest. Perhaps he had meant to have a moment to himself too. ‘What are you doing here sat in the dark?’

Mark didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to undermine the Captain’s orders by telling him that he thinks their circus shows are a bit boring. He knew how hard the Captain had worked to put the show together.

The Captain crossed his arms when he didn’t get an answer out of Mark. ‘You haven’t been listening to me collection of cassettes, have you?’

‘Your – sorry, your _what_?’ Mark had never heard of the word “cassette”.

The Captain’s cheeks flushed red. ‘Cassettes. They’re old 20th-century devices that play music. I have about twenty of them stacked away in me ready room, but three of them have gone missing. I don’t suppose you’ve seen them?’

Mark shook his head. ‘I haven’t, Captain. I’m sorry. I like _music_ , though. Actually . . . speaking of music . . .’

A lot of the ideas that Mark had been writing about in his journal involved music, like a fire-breather act set to an old Earth song that had to do with fire, or an acrobatic performance with a slow ballad playing in the background. If the Captain enjoyed 20th-century pop music, as he did, perhaps he might appreciate his ideas after all.

‘Captain, I’ve – I’ve been thinking about our circus shows.’ Mark hesitated, then pulled out his. ‘Permission to speak freely?’

This made the Captain’s eyes lit up with curiosity. He sat himself down on a red and white stool. ‘Go _on_.’

‘I’ve been thinking about our performances. They’re – well, they’re good, you know, and I’m sure the audiences are enjoying them, but – well, I’ve been looking through our old Earth archives and I came across old footage of 20th-century circuses, you know, when there were so many of them, and – and I think our shows may be a bit . . . well, boring.’ Mark pronounced the word very quietly. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be disobedient. I just think – I just think we could be better. A lot better.’

The Captain said nothing for a while.

‘I assume those are your notes,’ the Captain said at last, gesturing at the journal in Mark’s hands. ‘Can I see them?’

Mark blinked. ‘Are you sure?’

‘Very sure.’

Mark handed the Captain his journal. The Captain flicked through it. Mark felt certain that the Captain hated what he’d written and that he was about to be relegated from the dance troupe. Or worse, thrown into space.

Instead, the Captain said this: ‘Mark. These ideas are absolutely _brilliant_ they are. Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been developing ideas for the show?’

Mark flushed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard a compliment like that. It felt like stepping into the sunlight on an alien planet, warm and comfy. ‘You – like them, Captain?’

‘ _Love_ them. I mean, the trapeze act you’ve come up with? With the 20st-century pop music playing in the background, and the use of drones throughout the show? Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.’ It was clear that Gary had swallowed his vocabulary, for he kept muttering the word “brilliant” under his breath several times. ‘I didn’t even know you _liked_ 20st-century pop music.’

Mark and Gary exchanged a nerdy look in the dark big top, and from that moment on they were mates. Mark was made “creative director” of that following Earth orbital rotation’s circus tour, and the circus soon became one of the best shows the galaxy had ever seen.

Spending time with Gary back then, talking about the circus, made Mark certain that he could trust Gary with his life. Other captains are tough and cool and stubborn, but Gary is simply Gary, with his love for keyboards and his record collection.

Mark wouldn’t want to do the expedition with anyone else.   
  


# 22\. That one movie with Sandra Bullock.

In the present day, Gary’s still reeling from Rob’s goodbye letter when he walks into the emergency supplies cupboard to get the necessary supplies. He looks for two spare sleeping bags as if in a daze, not paying attention to what he’s doing, and forgetting to pack an extra sleeping bag as a result.

_This should never have happened_ , he thinks bitterly. He should have protected Rob, been there for him. Instead, Rob has entered an alien forest because of him. The treetop villages of Sedna are lovely and safe, but its forests? The opposite. They are dangerous, and unpredictable – and the one person who’s suiting up to save Rob from it just so happens to be the un-bravest person to ever become Captain.

All of Gary’s classmates at the Academy passed their exams with flying colours, but not Gary. He passed by the skin of his teeth. Stellar Cartography and Extra-terrestrial Music & Media were the only subjects he got higher than a B for, and the latter wasn’t even a proper Academy course. All his other courses were very physical, and very emotionally demanding.

In his final year at the Academy, Gary’s entire future depended on a single exam, which comprised of a holographic training mission in space. He was put in charge of a small spacecraft, and he knew that at one point something terrible would happen to the vessel and he’d have to save everyone’s lives while his Academy instructors marked his performance with of a score out of 100. Thankfully his crewmen were all holographic, so if he did mess up no-one would actually die.

Gary stepped inside the holographic spacecraft while his instructors watched on, and his last-ever examination at the Academy began.

For the first twenty-nine minutes, nothing interesting happened. Gary ordered his fake crewmen to fly through a meteor storm no problem. He even managed to enjoy a scenic route past Saturn, which Gary had aced an exam about.

Then one of the engines caught fire. Smoke filled the bridge. Entire control panels were in danger of exploding. The ship started on a nosedive towards Saturn’s atmosphere.

Even though Gary knew the fire wasn’t real, he knew he had to act quickly, or else everyone on the ship would die and he would fail.

Instead, he froze. He didn’t know what to do. He was scared shitless. As a result, everyone on the holographic ship died a terrible fake death. He’d failed his most important exam at the Academy. Even his grades for Extra-terrestrial Music & Media wouldn’t save him now.

Gary was allowed one resit by his professors. If he failed this exam too, his dreams of travelling through space and setting up a space circus with his peers would be over. He’d never be able to learn more about the music from Gliese 581c.

Over the next two weeks, Gary studied hard for every single simulation possible. He practised evading space scavengers’ laser beams in his bedroom. He practised flying an escape pod through the Earth’s atmosphere. He watched every Sci-Fi movie he could think of.

In the end, Gary’s holographic resit tethered him to the outer hull of a spherical spacecraft, soaring through space at 7.66 kilometres per second. The Graph Vault had dressed him in an old-fashioned Earth spacesuit.

It quickly became clear to him that he had to complete a spacewalk, or “extravehicular activity” (EVAs). There were entire Academy courses dedicated to it, which involved countless practice sessions in giant pools to replicate the floating sensation. Many students at the Academy wanted to do EVAs for a living.

Gary couldn’t think of anything he wanted to do _less_. He can’t even climb a fucking ladder without getting dizzy, and now he had to conduct a fucking spacewalk. Orbiting around the Earth. Dressed in the heaviest spacesuit he had ever worn.

He tried not to look at his home planet as his instructors told him what he was supposed to do. He was instructed to fix a small part of the spacecraft – a spherical vessel – and “prepare for the worst”. That was reassuring.

He couldn’t _do_ this! It was too scary. What if his safety tether snapped and he ended up floating through space forever? He felt pretty sure he had watched a vintage movie about that once, with a very pretty actress called Sandra Bullock.

He told himself to stay calm. He started singing a song about the moon by a Scottish-Irish folk rock band. One of the things that set Gary apart from his fellow classmates was that he had a tremendous singing voice, and that he had an ear for music like no-one else.

As he sang, Gary’s gaze landed on the part of the hull of the ship that he was supposed to fix. There was a missing panel, exposing the inner workings of the ship, with wires sticking out of it. It reminded Gary vaguely of a broken synthesiser he once bought off the internet. He spent an entire moon-cycle fixing it. The synthesiser was several hundreds of years old, but it still made tremendous music.

The fact that the broken panel reminded him of one of his old synthesisers was reassuring. He spacewalked slowly towards the missing panel. He told himself that nothing would happen. He knew that he was tethered safely to the vehicle. If he did become untethered and float away, his massive backpack would help him fly back to the vessel. No problem.

He could feel his safety tether tensing as he crouched down to inspect the damage. He was right: it did resemble his synthesiser. He got to work as quickly as he could, holding tightly to the metal railing on the hull of the ship with his free hand in case his tether snapped after all.

He was finally beginning to feel comfortable when a piece of debris shot past and punctured a hole into the vessel.

Gary was knocked backwards. His tether tensed.

More pieces of debris hit the vessel. It was starting to veer out of control.

He started singing a calming song inside his head and scrambled for safety. He didn’t know how, but he’d somehow managed to make it back to the vessel, or what was left of it.

There were pieces of debris all over the floor of the bridge. A crewman was clutching a big wound on her chest. Several objects were flying about. The vessel itself was careering. Spiralling out of control.

And Gary’s holographic pilot was dead.

Gary took over the controls. He isn’t the best pilot, but it’s impressive what you can do when you ask the on-board computer to play an empowering Coldplay song for you.

In total, the simulation took over two hours. Gary managed to land the vessel on an emergency shuttle pad on some faraway moon, and all of a sudden he was back in a grey, empty Graph Vault at the Academy. His instructors reminded him he needed 80 out of 100 points to pass for his exam.

He’d scored 81. He’d passed – just.

To this day, he still doesn’t know how he did it. Simulations like this have terrified him. Ever since he graduated from the Academy, he’s dreaded the day when he’d have to do it for real. The adrenaline. The fear. The not knowing whether you’re going to make it or not.

Today, that day has come. He’s still afraid, and he’s pretty sure he won’t make it.  
  


# 23\. Reinforcements.

The only person Gary tells about his so-called “expedition” is Jess, his co-captain. When asked about his whereabouts by other members of crew, the on-board computer will automatically reply that Captain Barlow is “looking for rare medicinal herbs in the woods”. It’s a shit excuse, but hopefully, it’ll keep people from finding out what he’s really doing.

Gary and Mark are on the verge of leaving the ship when Howard the mechanic shows up carrying two toolboxes. Who is Howard, you ask? Howard is an enigma. Howard, a mechanic as well as a dancer in the circus troupe, is everything that is wrong and right with space. He is friends with both Gary and Mark, whom he has known for ages. He often sees conspiracies where there are none, and he has the dirtiest, darkest humour of anyone you will ever meet.

Howard is also very shy. He doesn’t look it but he is! He is terribly shy, only ever talking when he has to. He’s still a very good crewman, though. He can navigate the stars and uncharted planets like no other, and he is a great listener.

Mark would probably fancy him if Howard wasn’t so bloody stubborn. Howard has made stubbornness into an art. He will never do what you tell him to, oh no! Not in the least when Northern Space is involved. Howard very much does not like being a sheep. He will do his job yes, but only if he doesn’t feel like there’s a bigger conspiracy going on. But the three of them are friends, and in this story that is all that matters, for now.

And, besides, Gary’s rescue party needs a third member, and Jason Orange hasn’t shown up yet.

Or _has_ he? Maybe he has. The point is, the story needed a new character to show up at this point, and we’re stuck with Howard.

A shadow passes over Howard the mechanic’s face when he sees the large rucksack on Mark’s back. It’s almost as large as Mark himself, and twice as heavy. ‘Mark, what are you doing?’

‘Rob has gone missing,’ Mark whispers. He and Howard are on quite good terms. Sometimes they play pool after work. ‘We’re going to look for him together. Me and the Captain. If we leave now, we may still be able to catch up with him.’

‘And you think that’s a good idea?’ The mechanic looks sceptical. 

‘Well – yes?’ Mark crosses his arms, flustered but hurt. ‘Rob is my best mate. I care about him. And I’m pretty sure Gary does too, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. We can’t just leave him behind.’

‘I know.’ Howard stops talking when two pilots walk past. He waits until the two of them have left the ship. ‘I just didn’t think you’d be stupid enough to go _on your own_. Two people don’t make a rescue party. Why isn’t Gaz taking reinforcements?’

Mark knows that Gary and Howard were friends at the Academy and that they even lived together for a couple of months, so hearing Howard use the Captain’s pet name doesn’t take Mark by surprise.

What does surprise him, is Howard’s fierce response.

‘Gary didn’t want the rest of the crew find out what we were doing,’ Mark explains. ‘They _hate_ Rob, you know. They don’t care about him. But we do. There’s no-one else we could’ve asked.’

‘You could’ve asked _me_ ,’ Howard responds. As well as being a very good mechanic, he is also quite good at navigation. He is incredibly brave. ‘I mean, no offence, but one animal handler and a scared Captain don’t make a rescue party.’

Mark blushes at how true this comment is. He thinks back to the time when he and Gary went to an antiques shop on Mars, and Gary very nearly had a heart attack when he thought the statue of a horse was a genuine horse, which he’s terrified of. ‘Now that you mention it . . . we _could_ use your help, to be honest. But don’t tell Gary I said that.’

Just like that, Rob’s rescue party had gained a third member.

# 24\. Into the woods.

‘Mark, I told you our search mission had to be kept secret!’

‘I know. I’m sorry. It’s just – Howard looked at me and then I looked at _him_ , and it kind of just . . . fell out of my mouth and I couldn’t take it back again.’ Mark daren’t look the captain in the eye. They’re stood outside the ship with their heavy rucksacks on their bags, engaged in a bit of an argument about the size of their search party. ‘Also, he insisted. So. He can help!’

Gary doesn’t really like the idea of other people knowing about their rescue party, but he also knows that Howard is a bloody good navigator, so he bites his tongue.

‘Anyway, how are we feeling about this search party, then?’ Mark asks.

Gary blows out a raspberry. ‘Nervous. Scared.’ He tries to adjust the straps of the rucksack on his back. ‘I feel like we’re headed to an unexplored planet, we’ve packed so much.’

‘I can’t believe we’re doing all this just for one guy,’ Mark says, drawing out his words deliberately so that he can see their effect on Gary’s face. ‘I mean, I like Rob as a friend, obviously, but it’s a lot of effort, isn’t it? It’s a good thing you haven’t told anyone else what we’re doing, or else people might think you fancy him.’

Mark thinks he can see Gary flushing at that. _Payback._

‘Are you saying I have feelings for Rob, Mark?’ Gary tries to sound noncommittal, but his tone is belied by the stammer in his words and the flush creeping up his neck.

‘I’m just saying. This is a lot of effort for just one guy.’ Mark gestures at their heavy backpacks.

Gary shrugs. ‘Mankind went through a lot of effort just to get to the moon. I would be a shit captain if I always backed away from a challenge.’

In spite of himself, Gary shivers. Mark knows as well as he does that Gary gets shit scared in the field, and that he always, inevitably, backs away from a challenge not involving music. The fact that he even suggested doing the search expedition in the first place tells Mark that Gary cares more about Rob than he’s letting on.

‘I still think you’ve made a mistake, by the way, inviting Howard along,’ Gary goes on. ‘What if we get attacked by some massive tiger, and you’re too busy staring at him?’

‘Tigers don’t live on this planet,’ Mark snaps. ‘They’re all extinct, anyway. And I’m not going to _stare._ ’

Speaking of the devil, Howard finally arrives with a large backpack of his own. His backpack is twice the size of Mark’s, and he’s even packed his toolbox. Gary flashes him an annoyed but grateful look. ‘What was you two talking about just now?’

‘Animals,’ Mark lies. He flushes when he notices that Howard isn’t even wearing a coat. ‘Aren’t you going to be freezing in that? The nights on here get really cold, you know.’

‘I’ve been through worse.’ Howard shrugs. ‘I spoke to a villager just now who saw Rob leaving into a northerly direction. I reckon we should start there.’

Gary begrudgingly has to admit that he hadn’t even thought of asking the villagers if they’d seen someone who matched Rob’s description. He agrees to let Howard leads the way, who seems to know where he’s going.

‘For the record,’ Howard adds, ‘our phones probably won’t work once we get deeper into the woods, so make sure you stay close.’

Gary and Mark deliberately follow Howard two paces behind.

‘I still think bringing Howard along is a bad idea,’ Gary whispers.

Right on cue, Howard looks over his shoulder and smiles at them. Mark walk straight into a tree.

‘Point proven.’

***

‘I’ll be ‘onest, I thought the forest would be a bit –’

‘Scarier?’ Gary nods at Howard. He’s got an alert look in his eyes, stopping every now and then to check out suspicious-looking trees that so far have all turned out to be harmless. ‘Me too.’

Mark, who usually likes to fill silences by talking, is quiet. He hasn’t eaten all day, and he’s tired.

Thus far, their journey into the thick Sedna forest has been relatively easy. _Too_ easy. There’s a pleasant breeze. The smell of wet grass and pine trees fills the air. Above his head, Gary can still see all of Sedna’ three moons, their grey surfaces visible through the forest canopy. Every now and then, they come across an asteroid the size of a car that must have fallen from the sky many hundreds of Earth orbital rotations ago.

The only sound is that of alien creatures that look similar to the birds of paradise on Earth, but aren’t birds really. They have all learned to sing the most beautiful melodies; melodies so great that Gary wishes he could stop to record them and use them in their circus shows.

There don’t seem to be any dangers apart from the tree roots that Mark keeps tripping over. It feels for all the universe like they’re just going on a relaxing stroll together.

Gary knows better, though. One of the first things he learned at the Academy was that all alien planets are potential traps. As relaxing as this walk is, they need to stay vigilant.

‘Stay close,’ Gary orders his companions, as they enter a part of the forest where the vegetation is denser, and where it’s easier to lose your way. It’s dark here. ‘I can’t guarantee that if we get separated we’ll be able to find each other again.’

‘We won’t,’ Howard says cheerfully.

‘I just hope we find Rob first,’ Gary sighs. ‘I bet he’ll be bloody impressed when he finds out I’ve – er, we’ve come to get him.’ He adjusts his wording at the last minute.

Howard still narrows his eyes ‘Why does that sound like you want to _impress_ him?’

‘I don’t,’ Gary stammers. ‘Never.’

‘Sounds like you want to impress him to _me_ ,’ Howard points out. The realization that the Captain of S.S. Progress potentially has a crush on someone makes him want to laugh and cringe at the same time. ‘Don’t tell me you actually – seriously – _like_ him.’

‘Of course I don’t,’ Gary snaps, fiercer than he’d intended. He kicks hard at a twig, which skitters off into the darkness. ‘I’m just doing me duty as captain is all. Saving people is what captains _do_. Honestly, if we were still on the ship I’d throw you into the brig for suggesting such – such _nonsense!_ ’

Predictably, Gary has gone very red in the face. His heart has started racing, and he has stopped surveying the surrounding area for danger.

Inside, Gary knows that Howard probably has a point. He cares deeply about Rob, and he has no idea what to do about it. How could he ever admit to anyone that he grows hot inside just thinking about the tattoos on Rob’s arms, and that letting Rob leave the ship feels to him like the biggest mistake of his career? There are probably rules about this in the rulebook set up by Northern Space. Rules like “Captains aren’t allowed to have romantic relationships” and “Captains should stay single at all times.”

They’re crap rules, but still. The rules are there for a reason.

They’re about to cut through some dense vegetation when a noise startles them, like someone snapping a large branch in half. They share a nervous look. Howard quickly concludes that it must have been no more than a twig falling down a tree and continue their walk.

The forest grows even denser, and at one point, the sky disappears above them altogether. They have entered a world where everything is dark, and where danger might lurk around every corner. Lizard-like monsters skitter up the trees. Two pairs of yellow eyes watch them from the shadows. Mark, who once owned a lizard, stops to star at one of them, only for Gary to order him to get a move on.

‘I must admit, Rob _is_ kind of ‘andsome,’ Howard says while they cut through thick vegetation, Gary walking two paces in front of everyone else. ‘I can see why you like ‘im, Gaz.’

‘He’s very nice as well, isn’t he?’ Mark adds, catching Howard’s drift. He has to push away an incoming branch. ‘Funny, too. He doesn’t snore, either, so he’d make a pretty good boyfriend if you don’t like people who snore.’

‘Good body, too,’ adds Howard.

Mark nods. ‘I saw him getting dressed once. Very nice.’

‘Oh, will you two stop it!’ Gary abruptly stops in his tracks, making Mark and Howard bump into him. They have entered a small clearing marked by a dead tree, where the three moons can be seen once more. ‘Fine. You’re right. _Maybe_ I have a crush on Rob. _Maybe_ I have entered this forest just so I can impress him and ask him to forgive me for being a twat. _Maybe_ I really wish Rob would tell me the name of his favourite space forum so I could talk to him on there. The thing is, I don’t _know_. I’ve not fancied someone for ages I haven’t. I haven’t a clue what to do, and I’m pretty sure Northern Space would fire me for fancying a bloody stowaway.’

Gary looks at his two travel companions. They both have very shocked expressions in their wide eyes.

‘You don’t have to look so shocked,’ Gary says. ‘It’s just a _crush_.’

Mark and Howard don’t speak. They both point their fingers at something behind Gary’s back, too speechless to say anything.

Gary uncertainly turns around. His heart drops into his stomach.

He’s staring right into the gaping mouth of a half-tree, half-man. A _green man_. Above the mouth, there are two bulging eyes that have been carved out in a humongous wooden face. They appear lifeless until they blink simultaneously and Gary starts.

He stumbles backwards into the hard forest ground. He lands on his wrist. Pain shoots through Gary’s arm and wrist as the humongous wooden face rises and the rest of him appears. Willowy branches for arms. Tree-trunk legs. A body made of wood; leaves and moss sticking out everywhere. Sharp twigs instead of fingers. Evil, hungry eyes. This is not a man, but a moss-covered giant.

‘A green man,’ Gary whispers. His companions help him back on his feet. They look terrified. ‘I’ve learned about them at the academy.’

‘Me too,’ says Howard. He sounds scared.

Mark finds that he shaking. He reaches out for Howard’s hand in the darkness and breathes a sigh of relief when he feels Howard’s hand squeezing his own. He can’t stop looking at the _green man_ in front of him, who is so tall that the top of his branch-covered head almost reaches the canopy of the forest. Asteroid pieces are stuck in its skull and chest, and it makes for the most horrible sight.

‘Are – are they friendly, these green men?’ Mark asks, even though he thinks he knows the answer already.

Gary shakes his head. Right on cue, the wooden giant takes a jittery step forward, his wooden arms reaching out. His body makes the most terrible creaking sound, like when a lightning bolt splits a tree in half, or when a rocket crashes to the ground.

‘Green men are the result of the freak weather event that caused the planet to terraform,’ Gary explains shakily. ‘They’re indestructible due to the asteroids in their bodies. They – they feed on humans. One human can sustain them for a single moon-cycle. They’re the reason why all the villages are built fifteen metres off the ground.’

Mark shivers. He squeezes Howard’s hand as tightly as he can. His large rucksack is nearly caught by a low-hanging branch. ‘Did your professors tell you what to do when you bump into one?’

‘Yeah,’ Gary says. His voice catches inside his throat. ‘ _Run_.’

Gary doesn’t need to tell them twice. Mark has quickly recovered from his shock and is already at the edge of the forest clearing, where he almost trips over two loose branches. Gary follows close behind, with Howard at his side.

The colossal _green man_ must have been hungry, or angry, or both, because a second later two massive branch-like arms whip past Gary’s ear, hitting the trees in front of them. The trees split in half and land on the forest floor with a tremendous _crack_.

The boys keep running. They race around a corner, but the green man keeps following, his massive legs allowing him to traverse several metres at a time.

They run through the maze of trees, left and right, left and right, far too quickly for Gary to get his bearings. He gets lost quickly.

They start running down a makeshift path down a section of the forest where the trees are as tall as skyscrapers. The three moons have disappeared from the night sky.

The daylight has disappeared without Gary realising it. A bird-like creature skirts out of the way when he trips over a loose root and he falls.

Gary lands on the forest floor. He feels dirt and leaves underneath his hands. More pain soars through his right knee. He is aching all over.

He struggles to get up, and when he raises his head he can no longer see his travel companions. He looks this way and that, but the only other living thing he finds is that colossal _creature_ looming over him in the dark.

The half-man, half-tree reaches out, and the universe fades to black.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the fluffiest, flirtiest chapter yet.

# 25\. Reunion.

_Can you hear the distant calling?_

_Far away, but we'll be with you soon_

_Rocketing to outer space in orbit_

_Take us to the pop stars_

_On the moon_

***

In a living room in the north of England, Earth, a young man logs in on his favourite online forum about spacespotting. He hasn’t visited the forum for a couple of days; he started a brand new job at the Northern Space museum in his home town, and it has taken up all of his time. The first thing he does is check in on his favourite forum member, @ROB. He’s still wearing his blue and white museum uniform.

Today, the young man was in charge of the museum’s most special exhibition: an exhibition dedicated purely to transmatons. Transmatons are large machines that can teleport a human from one end of the universe to the other by changing their atoms. There are rumours that transmatons are also capable of transporting people through time, no-one has ever been able to prove it.

The young man knows that @ROB snuck on board of an A-type starship several weeks ago, and he’s been following the lad’s updates ever since. Curious, he clicks on a thread @ROB created several days ago and tries to catch up on all the messages he’s missed since starting his new job.

In the thread, which @ROB named “HOW TO APPROACH A STARSHIP CAPTAIN ?”, several forum members have started an off-topic discussion about who is the hottest Earth astronaut. It’s nothing to do with @ROB’s original inquiry at all, which asked forum members to give him advice about how to approach one Captain Barlow, the captain of the ship he got stuck on. The conversation in the thread has actually become quite vulgar.

Ordinarily, the young man in the blue and white uniform would report the posts to a forum moderator. Like @ROB, he takes his online forums very seriously, and would like for these forums to be as organised and civil as possible, thank you very much. @ROB who would never veer off topic in a thread about black holes – even though he is wont to jump from one topic to the next in real life.

The young man makes a point to report the off-topic posts to a moderator. In doing so, he clicks on @ROB’s profile by accident. This is when he finds out @ROB was last seen on the forum seven days ago.

It must be some sort of technical error. @ROB is never away from the forum for more than a day. Has something happened to him? And if so, does it have anything to do with the handsome captain @ROB kept gushing about in his forum posts?

***

On Sedna, the green planet on the other side of the universe, the forest is so dense that the sky is hardly visible. Here, great footprints cover the ground; marks left there by the creature Mark, Howard and Gary only just managed to escape.

Several hours have passed since. Gary got separated from his mates. He is alone. Scared. He may have managed to escape from the _green man_ (he managed to scare the creature away with a flash from his torch and then bolted), but that doesn’t mean he’s suddenly brave like his fellow captains, who do not get afraid when they are asked to jump out of burning starships. He has not suddenly been cured of his fear of the dark; or his fear of heights; or his fear of doing extravehicular activities in the Earth’s orbit, like that one movie starring Sandra Bullock.

If anything, he’s only grown more aware of his own mortality. He’s never had any reason to fear for his own life travelling on board of S.S. Progress before, but he does now.

Every sound scares him. He’s lost all sense of time. He’s somehow managed to set up camp near a lake – a single campfire and a sleeping bag – but other than that he has nothing. Every time he closes his eyes, his mind will replay the moment a terrifying half-tree, half-man almost killed him.

Yes, Gary can navigate the stars like no other. Yes, he aced his Stellar Cartography exam. Yes, he loves the mechanical aspects of starships, allowing him to fix broken parts easily and effectively. Yes, he has an entire collection of 21th-century space memorabilia.

But he’s a bloody shit Captain, and everything about this green, alien forest is terrifying to him. He wishes he had Mark and Howard with him, but he hasn’t got a clue where they are.

He doesn’t even know if they’re still alive.

Whenever Gary’s mind isn’t occupied worrying about how he’s going to survive in this forest alone, he thinks of Rob. Rob is the first thing Gary thinks of when stoking the fire in his solitary campsite, and the only thing that crosses his mind when he dips his toes in the water in the lake next to his campfire and finds it disappointingly cold.

Rob is everywhere he goes, and yet he is nowhere. Gary has four times ventured away from his campsite, alone, but he has not found his stowaway anywhere, not even near the lake, where the forest is at its most serene, and where Gary might even write a song if his mind wasn’t otherwise occupied.

There’s a very real chance that Rob has perished, Gary realises. Most humans who have ventured into the forests of Sedna alone did not return to tell the tale. It’s why the human settlers decided to live up in the trees, and why the planet has only one settlement. Despite its beauty, Sedna is quite a dangerous planet.

It won’t stop Gary from trying, though. Howard and Mark he isn’t that worried about (Howard is a bit of an expert when it comes to alien planets), but he’s terrified about Rob, who has never been to another before.

Spurred on by this fear, Gary decides to go looking for Rob for the fifth time. He ventures deeper into the woods this time. He is still terrified of everything. Even his own shadow would scare him, but the sun has gone down, and the three moons are covered in clouds, so there are no shadows to speak of.

Here, there is no light. No suns, no moon. There is nothing to guide him through the forest at all apart from –

_There!_

Gary stops in his tracks. He squints his eyes in concentration. He’s pretty sure he just saw a faint sort of . . . well, Gary supposes it’s a sort of glow. He’s not sure what it is; it keeps disappearing and then re-appearing again between the barks of the trees, like a large firefly.

Then he realises it’s a torch. And it’s close. Metres away.

His previous experience with the _green man_ tells him that he probably ought not to announce his presence in case the torch turns out to be a man-eating luminous mushroom, but Gary is beyond caring. If he is indeed about to be eaten by a man-eating luminous mushroom, then so be it. He’s so tired that he no longer cares.

‘Rob? Is that you?’ The name ripples from Gary’s lips, half a cry, half a prayer. He feels a glimmer of hope when the _glow_ stops and a bright is shone into his eyes.

‘ _Captain?_ ’ A relieved smile plays on Gary’s lips when he hears that word. The torch is lowered, and it becomes clear that its owner is Rob. His stowaway. He looks like he has travelled through the forest on his knees. He rubs his eyes with a tattooed hand that is full of cuts and bruises. His clothes are dirty. ‘You came for me.’

‘Yeah.’ Gary feels breathless. He’s so glad that he found Rob that he could kiss the ground. ‘I did. We all did. Me, Howard, Mark – we all went looking for you. Are – are you _okay_?’ Gary asks, looking at Rob’s bruised arms and hands in particular.

‘Yeah.’

‘Are – are you badly injured? Did anything try to attack you? Have you eaten?’ Gary knows he’s sounding like Mark, but he can’t help it. ‘Have you slept at all? Do you need me to carry anything for you?’ Rob has managed to keep his rucksack on.

‘I’m not injured, no, and I haven’t slept and I’ve barely eaten, but other than that I’m all right really.’ Rob looks down. If he’s happy to be reunited with his own crush, then he’s not letting it show. ‘I miss my bed, though.’

‘Oh. _Good_.’ Gary swallows. He feels bowled over by a mix of nervousness and relief, like when his final exam at the Academy was over and he was told he’d passed it – just. ‘Rob, it’s really good to see you.’

Rob sniffles. He takes a deep breath as if he is about to make some grand confession that he formulated while sauntering through the woods, and that he could not have blurted out to a tree. Gary supposes that would have been nice, for Rob to fling his arms around him and give him a heroes’ welcome.

Instead, Rob speaks seven words with so much sharpness that Gary would swear it could cut through a comet, if not his own heart. ‘No offence, but you’re still a prick.’

Regardless, Rob smiles at Gary. Even being stuck in a forest for nearly an entire moon-phase couldn’t stop him from loving the Captain.  
  


# 26\. Saying sorry.

Scientists have long speculated that there’s no sound in space. They’re right, to a point, but the same could be said about the forest on Sedna, the quietest place in the universe. It ought to be filled with conversation and laughter, but, instead, the only sound is that of a twig snapping in half as Gary steps on it during his walk back to his campsite. He’s got Rob following closely behind, but they haven’t said a single word to each other.

What are they even supposed to say to each other, anyway? What they’re feeling is too complicated to put into words.

After a long walk through some dense vegetation, they finally reach Gary’s campsite, which Gary estimates is about half a star-day away from where SS Progress has moored.

Rob lets out a low whistle between his lips when he sees the campsite. The site itself is rather sparse – there is only a small campfire and, worryingly, a single sleeping bag – but what it lacks in basic human utilities, it makes up for in scenery.

Gary’s makeshift campsite is near a lake. Filled with shimmering green water, the lake stretches out as far as the eye can see. He can scarcely make out the other side of the lake, where the body of water meets a wall of trees as tall as skyscrapers.

The water in the lake is so still that it looks almost like a mirror. It reflects perfectly the clear sky above, with its tree moons; two large and one small. The only sound is that of buzzing mayflies, and the soft scratching of grass as Rob approaches the lake to look at it with tired eyes.

‘How did you find this?’ It’s the first sentence Rob has spoken since the Captain found him half an hour ago. It’s also one of the first things Rob has said to anyone, period, since he ran away from the ship. In alien forests there are few reasons to use your voice apart from screaming, and Rob’s first few words in days come out rather strangled-sounding.

Gary pretends not to notice. Truth be told, he’s relieved they’re on speaking terms at all. His words too come out a little strange, with a nervous tilt at the end of each sentence. ‘I stumbled upon it by accident really. I’m not even sure it’s on any maps I’ve ever seen of the area. I think we’re the first ones here.’

(It's a very cliché thing to claim, that you’re the first human to have ever set foot somewhere, and it’s often not true. Plenty of alien species have been where Gary and Rob are currently stood, except it’s beyond the small brains of human explorers to ever consider that they are not The First, and that they never will be. Even the Earth’s moon, where Neil Armstrong so symbolically left his footprint, had been explored by inhabitants of the Kepler system long before humans.)

‘Is it safe?’ asks Rob.

‘The lake?’ Gary nods. ‘I dipped me feet into it earlier. It’s a bit cold, but I wasn’t attacked by any piranhas if that’s what you’re thinking. It’s not scary or anything; just cold.’

When Gary finally manages to move Rob away from the lake, he escorts Rob to their “campsite”: the single sleeping bag and the campfire. There are several logs placed around the campfire. Some empty food tins show evidence of the presence of food, so it’s not entirely awful, as far as campsites go. The logs are small, but they’re not uncomfortable for sitting on.

They sit on adjacent logs, sinking into another awkward silence at the same time.

Rob self-consciously traces his fingers along the mottled bark of his log seat while Gary stares at the night sky, praying for inspiration to strike. He’s been praying for this moment for ages (he’s lost track of how long he’s been here), but now that he’s actually found Rob, alive, he has no idea what to actually say to him.

The only words Gary can come up with are tired variations of how happy and relieved he is. Which is all true, but it wouldn’t really do his true feelings justice, nor Rob’s, who is battling with many confusing feelings himself. Feelings that cannot be summed up with merely a thank-you, or a grateful nod.

‘Thank you, by the way.’

Gary looks away from the star he was staring at, a ball of gas just as bright as the Northern Star in the night sky on Earth. ‘“Thank you?” What for?’

‘For coming to get me. I thought I’d just do this whole “walking away from the ship” thing and live out the rest of my life living in a tree hut I’d made myself, or maybe I’d hitch a ride back to Earth or something, but it’s been very, very difficult.’ Rob runs his hand through his hair. His fingers come away with a handful of leaves. His skin is dirty. ‘I really miss my bed and my cabin and the canteen, to be honest. So thank you. I’m glad I don’t have to live out the rest of my life living in a tree hut after all. I probably wouldn’t have known how to build one anyway. So, yeah, I’m glad you came to get me.’

‘I don’t deserve your thanks,’ Gary points out. ‘If anything, I should be the one apologising for making you feel like you had to leave in the first place.’

The silence that follows hangs above them like a cloud. Rob is the first to speak. ‘You read my letter, then.’

Gary nods.

‘What did you think?’

‘It made me think that I should have taken care of you, and made more of an effort to make you feel like you were a part of the crew,’ Gary says. ‘Instead, I kept reminding you that you were a “liability”, and that you had no place in the circus. That was wrong of me.’

‘I was just asking what you thought of my penmanship, but I suppose that works too. Thanks for confirming that you were a prick to me, at least.’

‘I know. I’m sorry.’

Rob shrugs noncommittally. Even though a part of him is relieved that the Captain apologised to him, there’s still a bitterness to his tone. ‘I suppose you were just doing what all captains would do, right? You were just following regulation and stuff.’

‘No, I wasn’t. I was just being a selfish twat. Regulation had nothing to do with it.’ There’s more Gary wants to say, but he can’t quite find the words.

‘Then why do it? Why keep me out of the circus troupe? Why tell me to keep my head down when I was just trying to help?’

Gary wishes he knew. ‘I guess I was just scared.’

‘Scared of what?’

_Of getting closer to you than I should,_ Gary thinks, his green eyes boring into Rob as though he is trying to communicate something.

‘I guess I was just scared of Northern Space punishing me for not following their rules from the start. They have officers everywhere, Northern Space do. Not all stowaways have been as lucky as you have, and plenty of them have been ejected into space never to return again. Still – I’m sorry. I should never have allowed you to feel like walking away was your only option.’

‘Yet here we are,’ whispers Rob.

‘Here we are.’ Gary casts his gaze at the ground, a mix of soil and dried leaves. Inside, he feels equally dried out. ‘I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for the way I treated you, Rob, and I know that I can’t ever erase all the things I said to you, but I hope that at least we’ll be able to be friends. And if, from now on, you never want to see me ever again, I won’t stop you either. Just because I’m the ship’s captain doesn’t mean you have to put up with me.’

Rob looks up quizzically. ‘Why would I never want to see you again?’

Gary makes a gesture as if to say, _Isn’t it obvious?_ ‘Because I’m a prick? Because I treated you so badly that I made you walk away from the ship? I could go on.’

‘I mean, sure. I _suppose_ all of that is true,’ Rob says. He is glad for the dark and the faint flickering light of the campfire, for it means Gary won’t be able to see the flush rising up his neck. Even though he ran away from the ship and told everyone not to come looking for him, he still fancies the Captain very much.

Spending almost an entire moon-phase stuck in these woods, alone, has only made him pine for the warmth of Gary’s uniform more.

‘You did treat me very, very badly, to be honest, Captain, and I’m still a little bitter that you didn’t make me join the circus troupe and stuff because, you know, I’m an ace performer, and you’d seriously be missing out. It’s true that all of that makes you a _bit_ of a prick. But you’re also a very handsome prick, so – I don’t know. Silver linings and all that.’

Gary's heart starts pounding hard. Warmth invades his cheeks. Did Rob just . . . admit that he likes him?

Their eyes lock, and for a second Gary is sure he is seeing a special _something_ in Rob’s expression – something that the universe has written a million love songs about. ‘What are you saying?’

‘I’m saying that I forgive you, and that I’m not going to spend the remainder of my time on S.S. Progress ignoring you because. You’re not that terrible to look at, so it’d be a shame if I did, wouldn’t it? I might still make fun of you for being a fucking shit captain, though.’

Gary snorts. It’s a harsh remark, but it also rings quite true. Truth be told, Gary has always felt like a bad captain. Even saving Rob from certain death won’t ever make him feel the opposite.

‘Sorry, should I not have said that?’ Rob jests. He has a mischievous glint in his eye. ‘Are crewmen not allowed to insult their Captains?’

Gary shrugs. ‘I don’t blame you for saying it. I feel like a shit captain most of the time, to be honest. I felt shit scared just following you here.’

‘Seriously?’ Rob looks genuinely surprised. He thought the Captain actually looked quite heroic when he came and found him, although he would never admit as much.

‘I’ll let you in on a secret, Rob: most things terrify me. I was a shit student when I was still at the Academy, and I’m even more shit now. I barely passed all of me practical exams. I was great at Stellar Cartography, I was, but all the other subjects I was shit at. It took me two times to pass me final exam. So when someone says I’m a shit captain, I tend not to disagree with them. I’m great with music, and I’ve learned how to play most hymns from the Kepler system by ear, and I know my way around the galaxy all right, but stuff like this?’ Gary gestures at his makeshift campsite. ‘Terrible. I’d rather lose me entire record collection than ever go out into the field ever again. Just give me my ship and ELO playing in the background, and I’m a happy Captain, me.’

‘If stuff like this scares you, then why did you follow me?’ Rob asks.

Gary holds Rob’s gaze longer than strictly necessary, then looks down. He shakes his head to clear it. ‘I guess I didn’t want to lose you.’

‘Right. “No man left behind”, right?’ Rob’s sure he read about that saying on his favourite forum. His favourite forum member, @A_Goner, is probably wondering where he’s disappeared to by now. ‘Isn’t that in the Northern Space rulebook that you guys like followin’ so much? That you should never leave someone behind and stuff?’

‘I wasn’t really following the rulebook when I decided to go looking for you,’ Gary whispers. A spark shoots off the campfire at the same time, and in that moment, Rob's sure he’s just been set ablaze too. ‘If Northern Space ever find out I’d left my post to personally go looking for a stowaway, I’ll probably lose me job, and S.S. Progress with it.’

‘But you still did it.’

‘I still did it.’ Gary sounds quite tired as he looks at the two empty logs next to them; two symbolic seats that he placed here in the hopes he would soon get reunited with his mates. ‘I just hope it hasn’t cost us our friends. Mark and Howard, they volunteered to come with me, but we got separated. I haven’t seen them since.’

‘Can’t you just phone them up with your smartphone?’

‘I’ve tried, but there’s shit reception out here.’

‘I thought there was a 5G network all over the cosmos.’

‘Not on Sedna, apparently.’ Gary holds up his hands in a shrug. ‘Still, at least I managed to find _you_.’

Rob’s mouth curls at the corners. ‘Not a bad day’s work . . . for a shit captain.’

In spite of the absence of their friends, Gary smiles too.   
  


# 27\. The lake.

With the sun having disappeared from the sky, and Gary being too afraid to head back to the ship till dawn, there’s little for Gary and Rob to do but sit around the campfire, and rest.

Rob quickly decides this simply won’t do. They have this entire forest to themselves! A forest on the other side of the galaxy, no less. They might as well make the most of it. They can’t go looking for their mates anyway; it’s simply too dangerous, and they’d probably get lost.

‘What’s the most exciting thing you’ve ever done on an alien planet?’ Rob asks apropos of nothing.

Gary looks up, taken aback. He had been busy watching a twig curling up and then burning to a crisp in the campfire. ‘Dunno. Depends on what you mean by “exciting”.’

‘You know, something that makes your heart beat faster. Something like that.’

Gary thinks about this. Being chased by the humongous half-man, half-tree made his heart race very hard indeed, but he wouldn’t call it exciting. More like terrifying. Other than that, the only heart-racing moments he can recall each involved Rob, which are things he cannot talk about. ‘I suppose visiting a record fair on 55 Cancri-F two Earth orbital rotations ago was pretty exciting.’

Rob snorts. A creature with see-through wings darts away from a branch. ‘You’re the captain of a starship, and the most exciting thing you’ve ever done is attending a _record fair on 55 Cancri-F?_ ’

‘It was a really good record fair,’ Gary protests. He can feel warmth pulsing in his cheeks. ‘I’m telling you, it was the best.’

‘I bet.’ Rob says it almost challengingly. Like a dare.

It makes Gary puff up his chest. ‘If you really want to know, I once went on a fourteen-day trek to Albor Tholus for charity.’

‘The Mars volcano.’

‘That’s the one.’

Rob lets out a punctuated hum with his lips. He almost sounds impressed. ‘Guess you have some bravery in you after all, Captain.’

Gary’s skin prickles. He wishes Rob would stop calling him that. It makes him feel so – so warm! ‘Why the question?’

‘No reason,’ Rob says. ‘Tell you what, though, I bet takin’ a dive into that lake is far more exciting than all of your geeky record fairs.’

Gary blinks at Rob not understanding. He glances at the lake, an emerald green mirror of still water. The three moons of Sedna are reflected on its surface. Luminous mushrooms mark the edges of the lake, revealing that it is shaped like an oval. It looks harmless enough, but when Gary dipped his feet into it earlier it was quite cold, and uninviting.

‘Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about takin’ a dive, Captain,’ Rob teases.

‘Not really!’ Gary responds. Too quickly, too shrill. Too scared.

Rob must have detected the fear in his voice, because his lips curl at the corners. In the light of the fire, his expression is almost impish, plotting.

Dread settles into Gary’s stomach. ‘You’re not seriously considering going _swimming_.’

‘Why not? This _is_ my first visit to another planet, Captain. Might as well make the most of it.’ Rob rises from the log seat and peels off his hoodie, revealing nothing but tattoos and pale skin underneath. His cocky smile broadens when he sees Gary’s gaze absently dropping to the inked swallows on his stomach, his mouth a big gaping O. ‘You wanna join me, Captain?’

Gary shakes his head several times. His throat feels tight. He knows he ought not to look, but it’s hard to look away when Rob’s entire body is covered in tattoos.

Frankly, Gary fails to see the point of going for a swim when he’s already drowning in a sea of filthy thoughts about Rob.

‘You’re not scared, are you?’ Rob taunts.

‘W-water doesn’t scare me.’

‘I wasn’t talking about the water.’

Gary’s bravery leaves him when Rob starts unzipping his trousers in front of him as if in a dare. He lets them fall down to his ankles and steps out of them unceremoniously.

Now Gary understands why Rob decided to sneak on board of a starship, and why _he_ still gets scared when he so much has to steer S.S. Progress through an asteroid belt. Compared to him, Rob is absolutely fearless. Gary supposes he’s got a point to prove, after his anxiety forced him to spend so much of his youth indoors.

‘One last chance, Captain.’ Like Gary, Rob too has fantasised about this moment for many moon-phases. This means he is no longer nervous. He knows exactly what he wants. He’s been stuck in this shithole for so long that he will no longer pretend that he does not fancy the Captain desperately. ‘Will you join me or not?’

_I might as well_ , Gary thinks.

Heart pulsing, Gary gets up and turns his back on Rob as he starts taking his clothes off. His hands are shaking, so it takes him ages to get it done. By the time his fumbly fingers have finally managed to zip down his trousers and peel them off his thighs, the sound of a _splash_ fills the air. He turns to see Rob’s head bobbing in the water, the rest of him submerged.

Gary has to flick away a couple of very bad guilty thoughts when he spots Rob’s boxers in a heap of clothes on the ground. What the fuck are they doing?

‘Captain, stop stallin’ and get in here!’

‘I-I’m coming,’ Gary warbles. He quickly pushes down his boxers when Rob isn’t looking. He felt bad enough about Rob seeing him in his underwear a couple of moon-cycles ago.

To his surprise, the water isn’t as cold as he remembers it being. It’s quite nice really, like the cool pools on Mars. A smile appears on his face; Gary has to admit he’s enjoying himself. It doesn’t quite live up to the excitement of a record fair on 55 Cancri-F, but still – it’s nice.

Gary ducks under the water and swims a short distance before surfacing and feeling cleaner than he has done for days. He swims as far from the campfire as he dares, then stops short when he notices with a pang in his chest that he can’t see Rob anywhere.

‘Rob? Rob, mate?’ His voice comes out as a croak. ‘Where are you?’

Panic starts filling Gary’s lungs. He looks this way and that, but Rob is nowhere to be seen. Not in the lake itself, not on the edge of the lake, next to the campfire.

‘Rob?’ Gary is really beginning to panic now. While the three moons, the campfire and the luminous mushrooms on the edge of the lake provide more than enough light for the human eye, Gary still finds it hard to get his bearings.

He has swum much farther away from the campsite than he intended.

He notices with a pang that the bottom of the lake is covered in branches, big and small. All it takes is your foot getting caught behind one of those branches, and you’re dead. Drowned.

His brain floods with news articles about Northern Space cadets who went for a dive on 55 Cancri-F and never submerged ever again.

A school of fish swims alongside Gary’s body as he ducks underneath the water to find his mate. He submerges three times, without any luck.

The only proof that Rob ever even existed is the heap of clothes on the ground.

‘ _ROB? ROB, WHERE ARE YOU?_ ’

Guilt and dread roll towards him on a ripple in the water, making it hard to think clearly.

_This is what happened during my final examination at the Academy_ , he thinks. _I froze then too, and I failed. I failed everyone._

A large ripple breaks through the surface of lake then. Gary screams out in fright, thinking it is a large eel, or a massive man-eating fish, or worse, but then –

_Splash!_

A large shape emerges from the water from behind him, making Gary let out the most shrill shriek. He holds up his arms to protect his face from the predator, but nothing comes.

Laughter fills the air. Gary turns, and he can see two impish eyes looking back at him in the moonlight.

_Rob._

He hadn’t disappeared at all – he was only pretending! It was another one of those annoying pranks of his.

‘You utter _prick_ , Rob – I thought you had _drowned!_ ’ Gary’s first instinct is to splash a handful of water into Rob’s face.

This only makes Rob laugh more. His wet hair is sticking to his forehead in thick, unflattering clumps, but it can’t spoil the utterly victorious grin on his face. ‘You should have seen the look on your face just now. You’d almost think you _care_ about me, Captain. _Do_ you?’

‘I – I don’t,’ Gary splutters. ‘I – I mean, I do, I was just – I was just – I was just doing what a Captain would do.’

‘Oh, yeah?’ The current in the lake has forced their bodies closer. Much closer than Gary would like. If he reached out with his hand, he would surely feel Rob’s naked body underneath his fingertips; and be able to touch every body part that is otherwise submerged. ‘I know you kept saying that I’m just a liability and stuff like that, but deep down, I think you _care_. I think you’d be scared shitless if something happened bad to me.’

Gary swallows, hard. What the fuck is happening? Has the planet tipped upside-down?

Rob tilts his head. A drop of water has run down his temple and stopped on his bottom lip, forcing Gary to stare, shamelessly, when Rob licks the drop away with the tip of his tongue.

Rob has spent so many hours stuck in these woods, alone, that he can no longer be arsed to be shy or anxious or afraid. He’d rather just get straight to the point. ‘Just admit it, Captain. You _like me_.’

The Captain meets Rob’s challenging gaze. Every part of him is telling him that this is _wrong_. He didn’t even realise Rob liked him like that until moments ago – although he did have his suspicions when Rob saw him in his underpants and he could feel Rob’s gaze lingering on his black _Star Wars_ boxers.

If the Northern Space Alliance ever found out that he went skinny-dipping with a _stowaway_ while two of his crewmen were lost in the woods – potentially even injured, or worse –, he would lose his stripes before he could even make a case for himself.

Worst case scenario, SS Progress would get decommissioned, stopping the space circus from ever flying again.

_Then again,_ Gary thinks, as he puts his hands on Rob’s cheek and tilts his head slowly, _the first space explorers didn’t give a shit about what was right or wrong either._

Kissing Rob is entirely different from what he imagined it would be. Less impulsive and aggressive and out of control. It feels Warm. Soft, like the sand dunes on planet Mars, which can shift and change so easily.

Rob’s lips are chapped, but his mouth is warm, and when Rob parts his lips to allow for better kissing, Gary does the same.

The kiss itself is tantalizingly short. It’s not much more than a peck really. A careful first step on an alien planet, but nothing more. Anything else would be too fast, too quick, not right.

Regardless, the kiss has painted a cocky but surprised smile on Rob’s face. ‘Guess I was right, Captain. You _do_ like me.’

‘Don’t flatter yourself,’ Gary splutters, although he is smiling ear too. ‘I can still decide to eject you into space if you’re being too difficult.’

‘I’ll take that as a challenge.’ Rob’s eyes glitter in the moonlight. ‘Then again, I don’t always mind it when you’re hard on me.’

Gary snorts in an unflattering manner, making Rob grin. What is happening to them is utterly ridiculous, and yet it feels right, like when the planets in the Milky Way align in a straight line in the sky.

‘So the feeling is mutual, then, Rob? You like me back? I was sure you hated me, to be honest!’

‘I do. I did.’ Rob’s face transforms into something more solemn, thoughtful. Being in the water helps him calm down his thoughts. ‘When you told me on the observation deck that I didn’t have a place in the circus, I hated you more than I’d hated anyone, ever. But deep down, my heart would still race whenever I saw you, and I’d constantly be fightin’ for your approval. Fight for a sign that you _cared._ I guess the real reason I got so angry and left the ship is because a part of me just wanted you to like me.’

‘I think we’ve established that I do.’ Gary reaches out for Rob’s hand underneath the surface of the water. Thankfully, he finds a pair of fingers easily – and not a different part of Rob’s body that he’s not sure he’s ready to think about just yet. ‘I’m sorry that I showed it so poorly, I really am.’

‘I don’t mind. I mean, I do. I actually really, really do. I’m still kind of bitter about it.’ Rob’s mouth curls into the biggest grin of the night. ‘But I think we’ll be all right.’

‘Yeah.’ Gary smiles too. ‘I think we’ll be all right too.’

Together, they swim back to shore.   
  


# 28\. One sleeping bag, two men.

The men return to the campsite and get dressed. Even though tonight has been the best ever (apart from, you know, getting lost in the woods), Rob is still feeling quite tired. Gary – now dressed in his uniform once more – orders him to try and get some rest while he watches out for potential dangers.

‘Won’t _you_ sleep?’ Rob asks.

‘Someone needs to stand guard,’ Gary explains. His eyes dart at the single sleeping bag on the ground. It’s quite large, but he’s not sure if he’s ready to share a sleeping bag with Rob, whose kiss was so lovely. ‘I’ll wake you when it’s morning.’

Rob unrolls the sleeping bag in front of the campfire and crawls into it. He feels reasonably confident that he won’t be attacked by a wild bear in the middle of the night – if this planet _has_ bears, that is. He’s not sure what kind of creatures roam here. ‘Will we go back to the ship in the morning, or will we go lookin’ for Mark and Howard first?’

‘First rule of space, Rob: we leave no man behind.’

‘So we’re goin’ lookin’ for them, then.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Can’t we just call them up?’ Rob asks, forgetting the first time he asked.

‘I’ve tried, believe me.’ Gary takes his smartphone – a high-tech 24th-century model – from his trouser pocket. ‘The problem is, the signal is shit out here, with all the trees and the moons blocking the satellites. I know Howard’s got a device that could hone in on _my_ signal, but I’m not sure if it works. For the time being, we’ll have no look to look for them ourselves.’

‘Sounds dangerous.’

‘Yeah. Yeah, it is.’ Gary swallows. He has felt quite safe since he discovered this forest clearing next to the lake and found it deserted, but he also knows how dangerous the forest can be. ‘You’ll wanna stay close to me tomorrow, Rob.’

Rob shrugs as he snuggles down into his sleeping bag. ‘I have no problem with that.’

‘Good. Good.’ Gary sounds distracted. He hesitates. There’s something that’s been bothering him since they went skinny-dipping in the lake. ‘Can I just ask you something, Rob?’

‘Sure.’

‘During your intake interview you told me you suffered from – what’s the word – anxiety, I think you called it. You told me that you wanted to travel to space in the hopes that you’d finally get over it.’ Gary pauses. ‘How – how are you faring with that?’

‘I haven’t suffered from anxiety for a couple of moon-phases, if that’s what you’re askin’. My anxiety was always more about my bein’ too afraid to leave my house, anyway, and, well – when you’re stuck on a starship, there’s not much leavin’ to be done. But I do still get a little scared sometimes.’ Rob rubs his nose. ‘There’s this guy on the internet I sometimes talk to about it. I think he recently landed a job at that new Northern Space museum in Wythenshawe.’

‘I see.’ Gary purses his lips. ‘If you ever get a spell of anxiety, you’ll tell me, won’t you? You can tell me. Maybe I can help.’

‘Will _you_ tell me when you’re feeling afraid?’

‘Sure.’ Gary’s eyes glint in the firelight. He looks at the sky. It is pitch black. ‘Try to get some sleep, if you can. We have a long day ahead of us.’

‘Good night, then, Captain.’

‘Night, Rob.’

Rob zips up his sleeping bag and tries to get comfortable. The Captain didn’t bring any pillows, so Rob shoves his hoodie underneath his head, and hopes it will be just as comfortable. He closes his eyes.

He quickly finds that sleep does not come easily in an alien forest. He tries to count spaceships inside his head like one might count sheep, but every time he reaches ten or eleven, he can hear the Captain’s boots scuffing the ground as though he is walking in circles. It’s rather distracting, like trying to sleep when your roommate is still up.

Rob sits up inside his sleeping bag. Merely five minutes have passed. He finds the Captain stood on the edge of their campsite with a large branch held to his torso like a sword, looking for all the universe like he is afraid of his own shadow. ‘Captain. Will you _relax_.’

‘Can’t.’ Gary wriggles his eyebrows importantly. ‘I need to keep guard.’

Rob gestures at their surroundings: the still lake where they had their first – and, thus far, _only_ – kiss, and the harmless forest clearing. ‘There’s nothing to guard us _against_.’

‘You don’t know that.’

‘I do. There’s no reason walkin’ around in circles lookin’ like an idiot when you could just go to bed in the knowledge that anything potentially murderous would probably have killed us when were snoggin’ each other.’ Rob ignores the blush creeping up the Captain’s neck. ‘Unless captains don’t sleep, then by all means, keep standin’ there with that branch in your hands waitin’ for a danger that won’t come.’

‘Captains do sleep.’ Gary lowers his branch. ‘It’s just – the sleeping bag . . . there’s just one of it, and two of us.’

‘It’s a pretty big bag, though.’ The sleeping bag slips down Rob’s chest as he says this, revealing his bare chest underneath, for he doesn’t have anything else to sleep in. He pulls the front of the bag back up in case Gary found the gesture too suggestive; _too soon_. ‘I’m not asking you to _sleep with me_ , Captain, I’m just telling you to sleep _next to me_. Inside this sleeping bag. Unless you do wanna sleep with me, then hey, I’m not going to complain. But given that we’ve only had our first kiss . . .’

Gary laughs out loud. ‘It’s probably a bit too early for that.’

‘Yeah. Unless you’re, I don’t know, not into sex for one reason and another, then I will stop mentioning us sleeping together at one point completely.’ Rob shrugs. ‘Kissing’s cool too.’

‘I _am_ into sex.’ Gary’s voice is as soft as a whisper.

‘Cool. Cool.’ Rob nods his head as though he is making a mental note of this fact. ‘Good to know. You know, for future moments when we are not about to share a sleeping bag in a dangerous alien forest.’

With that, Rob pats the empty space on the ground next to him, inviting him to join him for innocent sleeping.

Gary has to admit that he is actually feeling quite tired. He crawls into the sleeping bag with the gracefulness of a large dog squeezing itself into a small dog seat. It’s all quite awkward, and it takes Gary ages to settle down once they’ve zipped the sleeping bag back up again. He turns this way and that, not managing to get comfortable at all. The ground is way too hard, and he’s missing his pillow from his private quarters.

Not to mention that Rob right is next to him, who is radiating heat and a mix of scents that all send very bad thoughts to his head and other regions of his body.

‘Christ, I miss me private quarters on me ship,’ Gary complains. It’s not the first time he’s slept in a sleeping bag, but he hates it still. ‘I don't understand why people actively go camping for fun on the rocks on TRAPPIST-1d when you can just sleep in a bed. In a hotel.’

‘Fucking hell, Captain, a _hotel?_ ’ Rob is so close that Gary can feel the words being breathed on his skin. He sounds incredulous. ‘Jesus, are _all_ captains this spoiled? Are the insides of your private quarters on S.S. Progress covered in gold? Do you sleep on a king-sized bed made of diamonds from 55 Cancri-E?’

‘It’s not a king-sized bed. Mind you, it _is_ a waterbed.’ Gary leaves the word in the air to see if Rob will pick it up.

‘A waterbed, Captain?’

‘Yeah.’

‘I bet it’s fucking bouncy.’

Rob gives Gary a meaningful look, hoping he will realise what he is saying. It makes Gary flush and stumble over his words. ‘I wouldn’t know. I sleep like a log on me waterbed, me.’

‘ _Hm._ ’

‘What’s that sound for?’

‘Nothing. I just wonder what it’d be like to sleep on a bouncy waterbed.’

Gary feels a familiar shiver of excitement run through him. He has to squeeze his legs together when he thinks he can feel one of Rob’s feet touching his own.

Feeling hot, he attempts to get a bit more coolness and air by pulling down the zipper of the sleeping bag, but in doing so the zipper only gets caught in the sleeping bag material, shutting him in. He swears out loud. ‘Me bed is more comfy than this, lemme tell you.’

Rob props himself up on one elbow, his hand supporting his head. ‘Maybe you’ll have to let me have a go.’

Gary turns to see Rob looking at him with another one of those challenging stares. He can’t tell if Rob is flirting with him, or if he’s just making fun of him for being a spoiled brat. A lot of Rob’s flirting seems to be swathed in layers of banter and taking-the-piss; making fun of Gary while also pushing his buttons and seeing how far he can go before things escalate. Gary supposes he deserves it, after being so terribly mean to him.

He also knows where to draw his own battle lines, though. As much as Gary would not mind pulling Rob on top of him right now, and finding out if Rob will be as much of a tease once someone fucks him properly, everything other than flirting and banter still feels too soon. Too fast.

‘Let’s see if we can get through the night without kicking each other out of this sleeping bag first,’ Gary warbles. He turns on his side and curls up into the tiniest ball. ‘Good night, Rob.’

‘Good night.’

Gary closes his eyes, glad to have a quiet rest before tomorrow’s expedition. Exhausted from their adventures, he is about to doze off when all of a sudden, in the dead of the night, Rob hazards the question he’s been dying to ask. ‘What do the two stars on your uniform stand for? I mean, I know that two stars mean that you’ve been the captain of two ships, obviously, but if S.S. Progress is the second one, then what was the first ship?

Gary would much rather sleep than answer Rob’s questions, but it’s not a question he minds answering, so he turns his head slightly towards him. ‘The first ship I was ever a captain of was S.S. Worker Bee, a cargo vessel. I only piloted her for a couple of moon-cycles before I landed the circus job. She was a gorgeous ship she was, with a gorgeous transmaton, but she was also very old. She’s in a museum in Wythenshawe now, I believe. Well, the transmaton is, anyway.’

‘I think one of my friends from my favourite forum works there now.’ Rob purses his lips. ‘I wonder how he’s doing.’

‘You’ll be able to talk to your friend on your forum before you know it,’ Gary reassures him. He turns on his left side once more, their conversation obviously over. ‘Good night, Rob.’

‘Night, Gary.’ Rob softly kisses the back of Gary’s head before he, too, turns on his side and closes his eyes.   
  


# 29\. Lost signal.

The sun is shining in Rob’s face. He wakes up with a groan. He’s feeling a little disoriented. Confused, he takes in the blurry silhouette of an emerald lake, trees, a leaf-covered ground and a sleeping bag that has been zipped up to his chest. The daylight is bright, and three moons stare back at him from above. He rubs his eyes but the sleepiness will not leave him.

_Where is he?_

Then it all comes rushing back to him. The letter. Running away from the ship. Gary and what happened in the lake.

_Gary_.

His hands finger the spot next to him where Gary’s sleeping form ought to be, but he finds it empty. His blood runs cold. He shoots a panicked glance at the lake, beautiful but vast. _Surely Gary hasn’t . . ._

Panic fills Rob’s veins as he zips himself free from his sleeping bag and gets to his feet. He gets dressed clumsily, almost putting on his hoodie and trousers the wrong way round. His eyes are still sleepy. He can see only blurry rows and rows of trees, verdant green and tall. Then, as the last traces of sleep leave him, he finally spots the handsome figure of his crush, Captain Barlow, turned away from him in the shade of what looks similar to a California redwood, the tallest tree on planet Earth.

Rob’s tummy fills with dozens of small spaceships at the sight of the Captain. He fondly thinks back to last night, when he and the Captain had kissed and they shared a sleeping bag. He thought kissing the Captain would be a bit more messy and intense, but it was surprisingly gentle, dare he say . . . restrained. Rob wouldn’t have minded if they’d gone even further.

Then again, he’s not sure if he would actually have enjoyed it, what with Mark and Howard not being here. There’s no point getting with Gary Barlow if he can’t tell Mark about it afterwards.

He wouldn’t mind getting some morning snuggles, though.

‘M-o-o-o-r-n-i-n-g, Captain,’ Rob sings melodically at him, but Gary doesn’t hear it. _What is he doing?_

Rob approaches the Captain slowly then stops when he notices that Gary has his smartphone pressed to his right ear, a modern Northern Space model. His phone must have picked up on a signal after all; he’s in the middle of a phone call by the sounds of it – perhaps Mark or Howard, or someone from S.S. Progress? He might as well give Gary some privacy.

Rob’s about to turn back to the campsite when the wind carries Gary’s words on a breeze, and his ears accidentally pick up on Gary’s side of the phone call.

‘Yes. No. I know,’ Gary tells the person at the other end of the line. He’s got his hand covering his mouth, making some of his words sound mumbled and unintelligible. ‘I know it was a — idea, keeping him on board, but you know how — transport — can be. No, of course. Yeah. Of _course_ I’ll get rid of him.’

Rob’s heart skips a beat. “Get rid of him?” Get rid of _who?_

‘I just need — is all,’ Gary goes on. He’s still oblivious to the fact that Rob standing right behind him and listening to his every word. ‘The moment we’re — in orbit, I’ll put Rob on an escape pod back to Earth, I —. Yes. Yes. No, of course. Thank you. S-see — soon.’

A soft _ping_ from Gary’s smartphone indicates the end of the call. While Gary stares at his screen, a little shaken-looking, Rob has to fight the urge to burst out in tears there and then.

It’s like the rug has been pulled from underneath his feet. Less than twelve hours ago, he and Gary had been kissing. They had shared a sleeping bag and slept together; not in the explicit sense, but still. They’d been close, and Rob would have sworn he felt Gary resting his head on his shoulder right before he dozed off and the last thing he saw was stars. He had really looked forward to reuniting with Howard and Mark, then to returning to the ship and exploring his future with Gary further.

That future is gone now. Wiped out, in the time it takes a rocket to propel itself from the Earth.

Rob feels severely let-down by it. Let-down, and angry. What is the Captain even playing at, making him believe that they’re lovers while simultaneously planning to throw him into an escape pod at the next opportunity? Was their kiss even real? Or was it just the Captain’s way to keep him in line? Will Gary one day pretend to seduce him in his private quarters, only to pull a lever and use the ship’s transport beam or transmaton on him?

Being in space fucking sucks.

‘Hello, _Captain_.’ Gary starts and turns. He almost drops his phone in the process. Rob’s voice sounds as cool as the plains of Neptune. ‘I thought your phone couldn’t pick up a signal out here?’

A calculating look crosses Gary’s face. A look belonging to a captain, not a friend. ‘How much of that conversation did you hear?’

‘Enough to know that you’re planning to send me on an escape pod back to Earth,’ Rob bristles. He’s burning with anger at the thought of it. ‘Were you goin’ to tell me before or _after_ you’d snogged me? Were you goin’ to fuck me on the ship and then eject me into space at the first opportunity?’

Gary has gone as pale as a moon. ‘I – I can explain,’ he starts, only for Rob to interrupt.

‘Save it, Captain. I’m _sick_ of you constantly lettin’ me down.’ His voice cracks, and his eyes burn with tears. ‘Why are you so fucking determined to break my heart all the time? Do you hate me so much that you’d pretend to love me just so you can pull me to pieces when I least expect it?’

‘I – I do love you,’ Gary stammers. ‘If only you’d let me explain . . .’

But Rob has already turned away from him. He breaks out into a run. He runs through the woods so aimlessly that he doesn’t notice the cliff until it’s already too late.

Rob’s foot gets stuck in a tree root, and he loses his balance. He throws out his arms to steady himself only to find that the ground never comes.

A scream dies in his throat. He feels himself falling down the cliff with a sickening lurch.


	7. Chapter 7

# 30\. In and out of consciousness.

_I can’t really miss you if I’m with you_

_And when I miss you, it'll change the way I kiss you_

_Baby, you know time apart is beneficial_

_It’s like I'm the universe and you’ll be_

_NASA_

***

‘Do you think he’s okay?’

‘The doctor said ‘e’s just got a few bumps and bruises, nothing serious.’

‘I mean mentally. Gary told me . . .’

‘I know. It’s a mess. And to think they had kissed as well.’

A sigh. ‘It shouldn’t be this difficult, loving someone.’

‘It’s a bit ‘arder when the person you love is Captain Barlow, though. He’s a great captain, Gaz, but he’s useless when it comes to love. It’s almost as if he d—’ Howard’s sentence gets cut short by a groan from Rob’s lips.

Mark puts a steadying hand on Rob’s chest. ‘Try not to get up.’

Rob swallows hard. He feels parched. His vision is blurred. He has to blink several times to make sense of what he is seeing. He can hear the sound of the on-board computer saying something to him. All around him, he can see the white sterile interior of a medical bay: tubes and holographic screens everywhere, keeping track of his every vital sign. He sees a row of beds but all of them are empty. He’s back on SS Progress, but it’s not SS Progress as he would like it to be.

He’s lying on his back on a hospital bed. A machine is monitoring his heartbeat in a steady rhythm of beeps. He’s wearing a sky blue hospital gown that he definitely can’t remember putting on himself. When he lifts up his arms, he finds them covered in cuts and bruises.

Looking to his right, he can see Mark and Howard sitting on a white sterile sofa next to his bed. They both have leaves stuck in their hair, and their clothes are covered in dirt. Mark’s left wrist is covered in a bandage. He swallows again. He has to force the words out of his mouth. ‘What happened?’

Mark and Howard exchange a worried look. ‘You don’t remember?’ asks Mark.

Rob shakes his head. It sends a throbbing sensation through his right temple. He has to shut his eyes when his vision blurs with a black blanket of stars.

**‘You might have a slight concussion,’** the on-board computer points out. Its voice sounds less snarky than Rob remembers it being. **‘Try to take it slow.’**

It’s hard to take things “slow” when your body is still filled with adrenaline from the universe knows what. Rob’s mind’s eye conjures up images of trees, three moons, leaves everywhere, a sleeping bag and—

‘The cliff.’ The word leaves Rob’s mouth like a curse. He looks once more at his arms, bruised and with cuts all over them. He tests his legs. They move as they should. His head is covered in a thick bandage, but otherwise his brain still works just fine. ‘I fell off a cliff. I hit my head.’

‘It wasn’t a cliff, exactly – more like a very steep hill. A hill right next to our campsite.’ Mark sighs deeply as if the memory of what happened to Rob hurts him personally. ‘I thought you were – I thought . . . I thought we’d _lost_ you.’ 

‘We found you only minutes after you’d fallen. You’d hit your head on a small meteorite that had come loose from the ground. You was pretty lucky – thankfully, you’d only lost consciousness.’ Howard explains how he fixed Rob’s head-wound using some very complicated-sounding paraphernalia from his first-aid kit.

‘Gary found us ten minutes later,’ Mark goes on. He rubs his nose with his uninjured hand. ‘He picked you up and carried you all the way back to the ship, which turned out to be only half a star-day away, can you believe it? He looked so heroic, didn’t he, How, carrying Rob into the medical bay?’

Rob bristles and flushes at the thought of Gary carrying him like a child. ‘I bet he did that only so he could personally hand me over to the authorities. Is an officer from Northern Space going to arrest me the moment I walk out of here? Is he going to eject me into space?’

‘Rob . . . maybe you and Gaz should have a good chat.’

‘About what?’ Rob snaps. All of it comes rushing back to him: writing the letter, running away from the ship, getting lost, Gary finding him, the lake, the _kiss_ , sharing a sleeping bag with Gary and flirting with each other, then waking up in the morning and overhearing Gary on the phone, having his heart broken. ‘You didn’t hear the phone call _I_ did. The Captain is going to send me on an escape back to Earth the _moment_ I walk out of here. He doesn’t give a shit about me. He’s not even _here_.’

‘He does care, though,’ Mark insists. He squeezes Rob’s hand. ‘I think Gary cares about you very much.’

Howard nods. ‘Just talk to ‘im, and you’ll see. Ask ‘im to come ‘ere! He’ll tell you what’s _really_ going on.’

Rob crosses his arms. ‘I won’t! I simply won’t. I’m not going to invite the Captain just so he can break my heart all over again.’

**‘Even if Mr Williams did wish to see Captain Barlow,’** the on-board computer points out, **‘visitor hour will end five minutes from now. Mr Williams needs to sleep. If he wants to talk to the captain after all, he can to do it after his mandatory five-hour rest.’**

‘See? Even the computer says I shouldn’t see him,’ Rob huffs.

‘But it’s important,’ Mark insists.

**‘So is Robert Williams’ physical recovery. I am afraid you’ll have to leave.’**

Howard and Mark know better than to disagree with the system. Reluctantly, they agree to leave.

‘Just call me if there’s anything you need, all right?’ Mark says. He looks so worried that it almost breaks Rob’s heart. ‘I’ve put your smartphone on the bedside table if you wanna text me or something.’

‘You’ve got a lot of missed messages, by the way,’ Howard adds, gesturing vaguely at Rob’s bedside table. ‘You might wanna look at those.’

‘Yeah,’ Rob mumbles, his mind a million miles away. ‘Thank you, by the way. You know, for coming to see me and all that. I hope you didn’t have too many adventures without me.’

‘Only a few.’ Mark smiles secretly at Howard. ‘Our next planet is about a seven-moon-phase journey away, so I’ve got all the time in the universe to fill you in.’

The anger in Rob’s heart makes place for a one-second glimmer of curiosity. ‘What do you mean, “Our next planet”? Where are we headed?’

‘We’ll be returning to orbit tomorrow,’ Mark explains. ‘We’re going to visit a planet at the other side of the Kepler system, so quite far away. I’ve heard it’s a planet with very nice oceans, you know, and some beaches too.’

‘The other side of the Kepler system,’ Rob breathes, like it’s an enchantment. ‘Wow.’

**‘ _Gentlemen_.’ **The metallic-sounding voice of the on-board computer cuts through the conversation. **‘This conversation is having a negative effect on Mr Williams’ vital signs. Your friend needs rest. You may visit again in five hours’ time, if Mr Williams so wishes.’**

Mark apologises profusely to the on-board computer even though it is not capable of recognizing the act, then leaves.

Ten seconds later, Rob is alone in the medical bay with just his thoughts and the sound of his own heartbeat. He’s the only person here, and it’s making him remember the events of the last few hours with painful clarity – especially the part when he and Gary kissed in the lake and he felt certain that Gary loved him back. All of that certainty faded the moment he eavesdropped on that phone call and he heard Gary saying _that_ word again.

“Stowaway.” Is that all Gary thinks of him, a stowaway? A stowaway he can pretend to love and fancy right before sending him back to Earth in an escape pod?

Rob feels miserable just thinking about it. Their kiss ought to have been the start of something, but it already feels like the end.

***

The moment Gary brought Rob into the medical bay – and then slipped back into the corridors in case Rob would wake and unleash more anger on him –, it was business as usual. After all, no-one on the ship but Mark, Howard and co-captain Jess knew why Gary had abandoned his post. All the other crewmen simply thought that Captain Barlow had disappeared into the woods to “look for rare medicinal herbs”, a lie that everyone was more than happy to believe.

Thankfully even the rule-abiding on-board computer hadn’t given away Gary’s secret, meaning he could step into the bridge without being asked where he’d been.

To his own surprise, Gary’s return to the bridge actually went really well. He even managed to look pretty imposing when he saw Ensign Mukherjee eating a sandwich above her control panel and he told her off for it. He kept thinking about Rob, though. Would he have woken by now? Was he in pain? Would Northern Space find out about his staying on board? Would Rob still remember their kiss, or had the blow to the head wiped it from his memory?

Gary wishes he could have stayed with Rob. He couldn’t, though. He had a ship to run, and a departure to prepare. Rob probably didn’t want to see him anyway. Their last conversation had been too painful; too harsh. The only thing he could do was hope that Rob would gravitate back to him naturally and not drift away from him untethered, like in that one sci-fi movie Gary had seen a million times.

***

Even though the on-board computer told him he needs rest, Rob cannot rest for the life of him. He can’t close his eyes without his brain replaying his night with Gary all over again.

He needs distraction, fast. He reaches out for his smartphone on the small table next to his bed. His heart does a grateful flutter when he sees that Mark has left him a bowl of grapes and a cute “get well soon card”. He smiles despite himself and flips open his phone.

His screen is full of alerts from his favourite forum. More specifically, alerts that someone on the forum has sent him several DMs: @A_Goner, the member he most talks to.

He logs in on the forum and reads all the DMs @A_Goner has sent him. Most of them are messages asking him how he’s doing and why he hasn’t been on the forum all this time. Quickly, Rob types a reply.  
  


**_Re:_ ** _HEY_

**_From:_ ** _@ROB; **To:** @A_GONER_

_HEY MATE,, SORRY FOR NOT GETTING IN TOUCH WITH YOU SOONER … I WOULD HAVE REPLIED A LOT QUICKER IF THE PAST FEW DAYS HADN’T BEEN SO BAD … I WAS FEELING SO MISERABLE ABOUT MY POSITION ON THE SHIP AND THE CAPTAIN NOT LIKING ME AND NOT BEING ABLE TO PERFORM IN THE CIRCUS TROUPE THAT I DECIDED TO PACK MY BAGS AND WALK AWAY FROM THE SHIP … I’D ENTERED THE WOODS THINKING I WOULD BE SURVIVE ANYTHING IT THREW AT ME …_

_BUT I DIDN’T … IT WAS VERY, VERY HARD … I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER SEE A LIVING PERSON AGAIN WHEN SUDDENLY THE CAPTAIN SHOWED UP AND HE TOLD ME HE’D COME FOR ME … I’D NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO SEE ANYONE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE …_

_WE SPENT THE NIGHT TOGETHER,, ME AND THE CAPTAIN … AT ONE POINT WE WENT SWIMMING IN A LAKE AND WE KISSED … IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST CELESTIAL MOMENTS I CAN EVER REMEMBER HAVING … HE WAS SO GOOD TO ME THAT NIGHT … WE EVEN SHARED A SLEEPING BAG AND FELL ASLEEP UNDER THE SAME SKY … BUT THE NEXT MORNING I OVERHEARD THE CAPTAIN SAYING TO SOMEONE ON THE PHONE THAT HE WAS PLANNING TO SEND ME BACK TO EARTH … SO WE ARGUED AND I RAN AWAY … AGAIN … ONLY TO FALL DOWN A STEEP HILL AND HIT MY HEAD ON A METEOR AND LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS …_

_I WOKE UP IN THE MEDICAL BAY THIS MORNING … I SEEM TO BE ALL RIGHT PHYSICALLY APART FROM A COUPLE OF CUTS AND BRUISES … BUT MY HEART FEELS BROKEN …_

_I JUST WANT THE CAPTAIN TO LOVE ME LIKE I LOVE HIM … SO YEAH,, THAT’S WHAT’S BEEN HAPPENING WHILE I’VE BEEN AWAY …_

_P.S. I KNOW THAT MY TALKING ABOUT MY FEELINGS IS PROBABLY NOT WHAT YOU JOINED THE FORUM FOR … BUT THANKS FOR CHECKING IN ON ME ANYWAY … SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE THE FORUM IS THE ONLY CONSTANT I HAVE …_

_PPS. I HOPE YOU’RE ENJOYING YOUR NEW JOB AT THE WYTHENSHAWE NOTHERN SPACE MUSEUM …_

  
To his surprise, Rob’s online friend replies just five minutes later.

  
**_Re:_ ** _**Re:** HEY_

**_From:_ ** _@A_GONER; **To:** @ROB_

_Dear Rob,_

_I am so relieved to hear that you’re well – if not emotionally then at least physically. I really did worry about you when I found out that you hadn’t been on the forum for a while. I was really missing your contributions to the “Spaceflight Entertainment and Hobbies” sub-forum. Tell me, what was the forest of Sedna like? Is it true that it is full of dangers, and plants that will grow quickly? Have you been able to find out anything about those theories we’ve been talking about, about travelling through time becoming possible if you travel through space quickly enough? I’d love to hear your thoughts at one point._

_As for what you’ve written about your Captain: you’ll probably find that your cuts and bruises will heal much quicker than your broken heart. Northern Space technology can fix a lot of things, but not that. However, that doesn’t mean you should despair, or throw the towel into the ring when things become a bit more complicated. From everything you’ve told me in our previous correspondences, I really do feel like the Captain loves you back. I don’t think he would send you “back to Earth” after the two of you shared such an intimate moment, and I don’t think_ you _do either. Perhaps you misunderstood the words he used in the phone call you say you overheard? I think it’d be worth talking to him, if only to clear the air. After all – forgiving someone is not a weakness, it’s a strength. The only person you’d hurt by not reaching out is yourself._

_For the record: I do not mind your talking about your feelings in the slightest. It’s good to have you back. I’m glad you’re well._

_Love,_

_Your favourite forum member :-)_

_P.S. I started my new job at the Wythenshawe Northern Space museum a little over a month ago and it’s every bit as good as I thought it would be. I’ve been put in charge of an exhibition dedicated to transmatons – the best exhibition in the museum, if I do say so myself. (Especially now that_ I’m _here!) Our biggest and most important piece is SS Worker Bee, a cargo vessel that was taken out of rotation a couple of moon-cycles ago. It’s particularly impressive because of its transmaton, which was used to transport cargo from one planet to the next. It didn’t always go as intended (several pieces of cargo got lost during transport, probably due to the atomization process going wrong), but still – it’s a remarkable piece of space engineering. I have posted about it in the General Discussion forum if you’d like to know more._

  
Rob grins at his phone. He loves this forum member with his long messages and complicated words, and who always knows just what to say.

Could @A_Goner be right, and should he try talking to Gary after all?  
  


# 31\. Can you forgive him?

Rob fell asleep with his phone clutched to his chest. The voice of the on-board computer pricks through his dreams, and he wakes in a still-empty, still-sterile medical bay. His head hurts still, but it’s more of a pulsing pain now, not the hacksaw it once was.

**‘You have completed your mandatory rest,’** the on-board computer informs him. The disembodied voice is almost warm, coaxing; much nicer than Rob remembers it being. He’s not sure if it’s just the computer’s programming adjusting itself to the medical bay or the system actually growing to like him. **‘Do you want me to invite one of your friends, Mark Owen or Howard Donald? You’re allowed one more visit before I cease operations, and the medical bay closes for the night.’**

‘Fucking hell, it’s that late already?’ Rob checks the time on his smartphone screen. He knits his brow. ‘How long have I been here?’

**‘You have been in the medical bay for nearly twelve hours, Robert Williams.’**

Rob lets out a low whistle between his lips.

**‘Thankfully, my preliminary scans tell me that you’ll have recovered from your injuries tomorrow morning, so approximately ten hours from now. However, you will likely have a permanent mark on your right eyebrow; this is where your head collided with the meteor. You are lucky that you have not sustained any brain damage.’** The computer pauses to allow its patient to process this information. **‘Would you like me to invite one of your friends? Provided that they aren’t otherwise occupied, of course. I have actually had many enquiries about you from other crewmen, asking you how you’re doing.’**

Rob scoffs. ‘You’re joking.’

**‘I do not joke, Mr Williams. It would seem that your ending up in the medical bay has made several crewmen realise that you are not actually that terrible. I think some of them feel rather – what’s the word – _worried_ about you. **

**‘Naturally, I have had to lie to the other crewmen about how you got your injuries, what with Captain Barlow not wanting to disclose his true reasons for leaving. I can still invite one of them, if you wish.’**

Rob pushes his teeth into his bottom lip as he thinks about this. So people on the ship actually like him! Interesting. He would quite like to see Mark and Howard again – but there’s one person he’d like to see more.

**‘Your heart rate has gone up,’** the computer points. **‘Are you having a heart attack? I am equipped with excellent defibrillators.’**

Rob lets out a wet bark of a laugh. ‘I’m not having a heart attack. I’m just wondering who I’d like to ask to come visit me. I don’t think my heart would agree with my first choice being Captain Barlow.’

The on-board computer seems not to have caught Rob’s bitter tone, which is laced with regret. **‘Would you like me to contact the bridge and invite the Captain?’**

‘Sure, let’s do that.’ Rob rolls his eyes at the ceiling. He’s speaking sarcastically, of course; one of the many typically _human_ things that computers aren’t capable of recognising. ‘I’m very, very confident that Captain Barlow will clear his schedule immediately and that he’ll be here in less than ten minutes to apologise to me for being a selfish, rule-abiding, annoying prick and that we’ll kiss and make up and be very, very happy together and that. That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?’

Rob had been so busy moaning about the Captain that he did not hear the metal-sounding dialling tone as the on-board computer tried to dial the bridge, the ship’s operation’s centre.

Seconds later, there’s a knock on the door. Rob sits up. A tiny starship carrying hope and optimism starts flying circles in his chest. This can’t be Gary, _surely?_ The bridge is over seven decks away! Getting from one deck to another takes over five minutes, let alone seven!

**‘Robert Williams, Captain Barlow is here to see you.’**

Rob’s mouth has opened in a large “O”. He knows for a fact that the computer isn’t capable of humour, so the only conclusion he can make when Gary suddenly walks into the medical bay carrying a nervous smile is that his crush is a sorcerer with teleporting abilities.

‘What the fuck, Gaz?’ Rob’s eyes are as large as moons. ‘I asked for you only three seconds ago!’

Gary’s face is red all over. He is hovering awkwardly in the doorway of the medical bay. ‘I . . . may have used the transmaton.’

Rob would raise his eyebrows, if they weren’t otherwise covered in bandages. The transmaton can transport a person from one part of space to the next, but its use on board is strictly prohibited. ‘I thought that wasn’t allowed. I’m pretty sure Mark told me someone once lost an ear.’

‘You’re right. The transmaton is allowed only in emergencies. If you do it wrong, you could lose a limb – or worse, you could accidentally travel back in time!’ Gary pauses. He takes a deep breath. ‘I thought it was worth the risk, anyway.’

The medical bay is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. The only sound is that of Rob’s heart monitor registering the moment when Gary looks him directly in the eye, making his heart stop then beat again.

‘So.’

‘Yeah.’ Rob swallows hard. His throat has gone dry. He doesn’t know what to say; he didn’t really get to rehearse this meeting.

Gary clears his throat. The words pour out of him as though he cannot wait to get to the end of them. ‘Look, Rob, I know that we left on a really bad note in the woods this morning, all right, and I’m _so_ sorry, I really am, but I promise you I can explain. I just need five minutes is all. If after that you decide that you don’t wanna be with me after all, then I won’t stop you I won’t. I just hope you’ll give me time to explain my version of this story before you decide to give up on us.’

Rob’s chest fills with warmth. Gary said “us”. He crosses his arms and plasters on an expression that he hopes looks bored and noncommittal. ‘You’ve got five minutes.’ 

**‘Actually,’** the on-board computer points out, **‘visitors may stay in the medical bay for up to twenty-five minutes.’**

Rob shushes it. ‘Computer. You’re ruining the moment.’

The on-board computer would now say sorry, if it was on familiar terms with basic human emotions.

Rob indicates the sofa next to his bed, a comfortable distance away. Gary sits and stares at his knees, his fingers tapping out a slow rhythm of a song on his legs. The transmaton took him to the medical bay so quickly that he’s not had any time to consider his words. He’s also pretty sure the atomization process made him shrink two-quarters of an inch, but he supposes it’s better not to dwell on it. Even if the transmaton had accidentally rematerialized him into a caterpillar, he’d still love Rob with his entire being.

‘You probably think that I don’t like you,’ Gary starts, fingers still tapping his leg. He daren’t look up. ‘I do like you. The problem is – Northern Space, they know they’ve got a stowaway on board. Someone must have tipped them off, cos yesterday I suddenly got a phone call from one of their officers, asking me what I was going to do about you.’

Rob inhales sharply. That must have been the conversation he eavesdropped on.

‘I had no choice but to lie to them. I told them that I’d send you back to Earth the moment we were back in orbit. If I hadn’t, they’d still be on me back now. They could even have decided to transport themselves on board and come looking for you themselves. They could have arrested you before we could even get to know each other.’ Gary sniffs a little here, visibly troubled by his memories of the phone call. ‘I _swear_ to you, Rob, I’d never send you back to Earth unless I absolutely had to. Why would I give up on that future with you?’

Rob’s eyes fill with tears too. The heart monitor next to his bed drums out his heartbeat in a fast, steady rhythm. ‘What if Northern Space find out you’ve been lying to them after all? What then?’

Gary looks down at his uniform, a simple black jacket with two stars one each shoulder; one for each ship he’s ever been the captain of.

‘ _Gary_.’ Gary looks up. It’s only the second time Rob has ever _not_ called him Captain, and it’s not an entirely unpleasant sound. ‘What will happen to you if Northern Space find out you’re keeping me on board?’

‘I’ll lose my job.’

Gary’s words hang over them like a storm cloud on Jupiter, stifling the air in the room. When Rob kissed Gary, he didn’t think it would come with such damning consequences. Then again, Rob didn’t exactly think about the consequences that sneaking on board of a starship would have. ‘So basically you’re saying that you’ve been given a choice between, what, your love life and your career? What kind of choice is that?’

‘A shit one – but one I’ll only be forced to take if Northern Space find out I’m keeping you on board in the first place.’ Gary looks in the general direction of the ceiling, where the disembodied voice of the on-board computer always comes from. ‘Our computer systems are pretty advanced; I could just _fake_ your leaving the ship. You know, send away an empty escape pod that _should_ have you in it but doesn’t. I think some of the crew are beginning to like you, anyway – they probably wouldn’t mind helping me out.’

Rob swallows. The enormity of what Gary would do for him settles heavily on his shoulders. ‘You’d do that for me? You’d _lie?_ ’

‘If it means we get to be together, yeah. Yeah, I would.’

Rob’s lips curl at the corners. ‘And here I thought the cheesiest thing you’ve ever done was going to that record fair on 55 Cancri-F two Earth orbital rotations ago.’

Gary smiles too; a relieved smile that brightens up his entire face. Rob has seen him carrying that same grin when talking about 20th-century pop music or keyboards with missing parts in them.

Rob must have been staring at Gary’s mouth a bit too long, because Gary has become a bit flustered and nervous-looking. Gary swallows his smile, the seriousness returning to his voice. ‘I’m really sorry about that phone call, Rob. I should have talked to you before answering the call and making you believe that I was going to send you away. Also, I’m sorry I’ve been such a prick to you. You’re the first person I’ve fancied in moon-cycles and I’m as shit at love as I am at being a captain. I thought that if I treated you like a nuisance my feelings would eventually go away, but they didn’t. I kept being pulled towards you no matter what I did.’

‘And I to you,’ Rob nods. ‘We’re a bit like the sun and Pluto, you and me – sometimes Pluto is the farthest planet from the sun in our solar system, and sometimes it’s closer to the sun than Neptune. We’re constantly shiftin’ and changin’, but never gettin’ any closer to where we’d really like to be.’

‘It’s a bit cold, though, Pluto,’ Gary points out, one eyebrow moving up his forehead like a big caterpillar. ‘I think I’d rather be Venus I would, or Mercury. I’m surprised you’re not freezing in _here_ , actually, Rob – this medical bay feels like Neptune it’s so cold.’ He rubs his arms to accentuate his words.

Rob pats the empty spot on the hospital bed in invitation, his eyes a clear, intense green. ‘It’ll be a lot warmer if _you’re_ here.’

Gary swallows the sudden dryness in his throat. ‘So we’re cool, you and I? We can finally put all of this behind us?’

‘Yeah, we’re cool,’ Rob replies, and he finds that the statement has infinitely more meaning than Neil Armstrong saying “One small step for man”; or Elon Musk’s passionate speech when he finally saw the red sands of Mars for himself. Perhaps the bright star Rob saw in the night sky when he was just a lad was full of people like him, reaching out for the stars and finding love instead.

**‘Captain Barlow, the hospital beds weren’t made for two people in mind. Please get off,’** says the on-board computer, but Gary has already lifted up Rob’s sheets and climbed into bed with him.

What they do is as restrained as the first kiss (Rob is still healing from his injuries after all, and any wrongly-placed hand could harm him), but there’s a certain urgency, too; a certain impatience to get going; to keep exploring.

_This must be what the first explorers of space felt like_ , Gary thinks, as his hands move underneath Rob’s hospital gown and he finds a little spot that is so sensitive that his fingertips elicit a little gasp from Rob’s mouth.

_This is what it must feel like to discover a brand new world._   
  


# 32\. Not quite ticker tape.

Seven days have passed since S.S. Progress left Sedna. Gary and Rob have been doing much kissing. They can’t remember exactly when they decided to refer to themselves as a couple, but they are pretty much a couple. Lovers. Boyfriend and boyfriend. When Rob was finally allowed to leave the medical bay, Gary was waiting for him in his cabin with a bouquet of flowers and a massive, beautiful personalised card for him. Rob felt certain he had landed himself the best-ever boyfriend.

Not everything is perfect, however; one night, the on-board computer says it has an announcement to make. Apparently, the ship has entered a quite dangerous part of space, and that they are to be aware of criminals who attack A-type starships just to salvage their spare parts. Northern Space officers patrol the planets in an attempt to stop those criminals – so-called scavengers – and bring them to justice.

Although most people on the ship take the computer’s warning very serious, Rob can’t help but scoff. He’s pretty sure the computer is saying all that just to fuck with his head, because this part of space doesn’t seem dangerous in the slightest when the ship moors on a planet called Mandalay 7x6-FR1 for a quick stop-over a couple of star-days later.

Mandalay 7x6-FR1 is an absolutely gorgeous little world, from what Rob can tell. It reminds him of the British countryside, with sloping hills and little stone villages and large animals grazing the green grass. That’s where the similarities stop, though. The native inhabitants that welcome the crew when they leave the ship all have two noses. A planet with two pink rings blinks back at them from the sky, and the animals are all very strange-looking.

Something like ticker tape is fluttering from the sky, and Gary tells Rob that is in fact a kind of hail, which forms when drops of water freeze together in the cold upper regions of the planet’s unique atmosphere and then change shape on their way down. The _hail_ is soft and sort of light, like feathers made of dry ice.

There’s something else that makes the planet quite special: instead of the sky being a bright blue, the sky is a permanent periwinkle colour; a soft purple that puts Rob’s mind instantly at ease when Gary invites him for a date to the local countryside.

Yes, Gary has just invited him for a date. A proper date. In space! This is the best day ever.

‘Aren’t we in a very, very dangerous part of space with scavengers and Northern Space officers everywhere?’ Rob jests as he follows Gary out of the ship for their very first date, having just said “yes”, of course.

‘Mandalay 7x6-FR1 isn’t of any interest to scavengers,’ Gary explains. ‘Scavengers tend to be interested only in Earth technology and A-type starships they can strip for their parts. The scariest thing on Mandalay 7x6-FR1 are the animals.’

Gary gestures at a flock of large animals that have stopped to stare at the ship on the landing site, a large strip of farmland that has been kept empty. The animals remind Rob slightly of horses, if horses were mint green. Gary shivers just looking at the animals, but they’re quite harmless really.

‘Shame,’ Rob tuts, thinking about when they visited Sedna a fortnight ago and they ended up kissing in the medical bay. ‘Last time we were in a not-safe part of the universe, we ended up snogging. Who _knows_ what we’d do if we ran into danger again?’

Gary’s mind flashes to what they did in the lake on Sedna. He turns very red and increases his pace.

With that, he and Rob embark on their first-ever date. The ship has stopped to restock on supplies, so there’s plenty of time for the crew to explore the planet to their hearts’ desires.

Gary clearly has Plans (innocent ones), because he has packed a small backpack and is carrying a picnic basket. He has instructed the on-board computer to tell crewmen that he is embarking on yet another quest to “look for medicinal herbs”. He’s not yet ready to tell the crew that he and Rob are an item – even though the on-board computer told him recently that 89% of crew do not mind having Rob around anymore. He still can’t trust the other 11%, the part of his crew that has Northern Space on speed dial.

After a short hike through the countryside, Gary stops on a hill overlooking the region. Here, you have a perfect vantage point of the countryside and all its mint green hills. The ringed planet above is perfectly visible in the periwinkle sky. More ticker tape-shaped _hail_ flutters down the sky. While it is a bit cold when it touches your skin, it is not exactly unpleasant to look at. It’s actually quite romantic.

Together, they unpack their picnic basket and spread out a large blanket on the grass to sit on. Apart from a soft humming noise like that of a starship, and the shepherd’s cries, there are no sounds. All is quiet.

It’s been a while since the men went on a date, so they actually haven’t a clue what to do but eat and drink. Because of this, they finish the food from Gary’s picnic basket quite quickly: English scones with clotted cream and more exotic food from other planets in the galaxy.

Eventually, the picnic basket runs out of alien delicatessen. With no more food filling their hands and mouths, they lock eyes and exchange a nervous smile. Oh, how much easier it was to flirt in the lake on Sedna, where they could hide all their nervousness in the dark! Even kissing in the medical bay seven days ago was a lot easier than this.

Still, there’s always _one_ person who is a little braver than the other. Grinning, Rob dips down to kiss Gary on the mouth for the first time that day. His hands find the shape of Gary’s body with his eyes closed easily. A cold piece of ticker tape-shaped _hail_ lands on Rob’s neck and melts away there and then, only to be replaced with Gary’s curious warm hand.

Gary must have found a smattering of bravery inside of him too, because suddenly Gary’s hands grab Rob by the collar of his brand new jumper. The kiss deepens. He pulls Rob on top of him and wraps his arms around him as they collide on the ground as one. He feels blades of grass ticking his neck, and the picnic blanket shifting underneath their weight. He catches a glimpse of the ringed planet above as he opens his eyes for several seconds to see Rob looking back at him with bright green eyes and a smile that could melt even the coldest planet.

There are a lot of things that Rob could say in this moment. He could say that he’s dreamed of this moment ever since he set foot on S.S. Progress. He could say that he’s fantasised of having Gary Barlow between his thighs every single star-night. He could even be a bloody tease and point out the hardening bulge in Gary’s trousers, the one he can feel pressing against his own right leg right now. He could also simply dip down for another kiss and let Gary peel the jumper off his chest. He _could_ do all that.

But he’s also still very much a space geek, and he’d be a terrible one if he didn’t point out the tell-tale noise of a starship in the background. ‘Can you hear that, Gaz?’

Gary nods breathlessly. He, too, is a geek at heart. Even though he’s got Robert Williams pinning him down on the ground, he can’t help but hear the sound too. ‘That’s an E-type starship, I think.’

Rob’s eyes widen. ‘An _E-_ type starship? You sure?’

They break apart and sit up to look for the source of the sound, their kiss momentarily forgotten. Rob finds the source quickly, and points his finger in the general direction of the ringed planet in the sky.

‘ _There!_ ’ he shouts, as a tiny starship makes its way across the atmosphere. It’s like looking at the belly of an airplane on a bright summer day.

Gary’s face has filled with glee. Yes, kissing Rob was amazing – but look at that! An actual E-type starship above their own heads! This day couldn’t get any better.

‘I _love_ E-type starships,’ Gary gushes. ‘In the previous century, bands from Earth used E-type starships to hop from one planet to the next on their tours. They’re tiny, E-type starships, barely big enough for a five-man band and their instruments, but they were cheap, and anyone could fly them if you had the right permit. When I was a kid, I used to dream I was a pop star so I could hire one of those ships myself and tour the entire galaxy.’

‘That’s not even the best part about E-type starships,’ Rob adds. He follows the starship across the sky. He is blushing fiercely, both from kissing Gary and seeing such a rare starship with his own eyes. ‘They’re completely made from plastic, can you believe it? Plastic, Gaz! There was an abundance of the stuff in the previous century, so Northern Space gathered all the plastic they could find from the Earth’s oceans and used it to make cheap starships for private use. The first versions all burned out in the atmosphere. But the later versions could withstand the elements of space like you wouldn’t believe.’

‘Really?’ Gary looks impressed. ‘I never knew that.’

Rob shrugs smugly. ‘I learned it from the internet.’

‘From your forum?’ Gary looks up at the sky once more, but the ship has disappeared. ‘Maybe I’ll have to join. One of your friends from the forum, he works at the Wythenshawe Northern Space museum, doesn’t he?’

Rob nods. ‘He’s in charge of an exhibition dedicated to transmatons. I think he’s moving to an exhibition about space entertainment soon, though. There might even be some stuff about the circus in there.’

_The circus_. The mention of it makes Gary turn nervous once more. Having Rob on top of him and seeing the rare starship completely made him forget one of the many reasons why he was here: to offer Rob a place in the circus troupe.

‘Speaking of the circus, Rob . . .’ Gary is suddenly overcome with nerves. Things were a lot easier when he could feel Rob pinning him down. He has to take several deep breaths before he can speak again. ‘I’ve been thinking, and I’ve decided that I’m going to offer you a place in the circus troupe. Starting tomorrow.’

Rob blinks at him a couple of times. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Very serious. I’ve never been more serious in my life, I haven’t.’ Gary smiles at him then, a geeky smile, and in that moment all Rob can think of doing is flinging his arms around Gary’s neck and hugging him so tight that Gary feels like his eyes might pop out of his skull. He says “thank you” several times in a row. Clearly Rob is very grateful to be offered a place in the circus troupe indeed.

‘I _swear_ I’ll give you a thorough thank-you when we’re back on the ship’, Rob whispers to Gaz, which makes Gary chuckle then blush.

‘So you’ll accept?’ Gary asks even though he knows the answer already.

‘Am I going to accept?’ Rob looks at Gary with eyes that are as large as moons. ‘Of _course_ I’m going to accept! I’ll be the best performer you’ve ever had!’ And he kisses and hugs Gary again, gratefulness and relief coursing through him.

In the meantime, the E-type starship that has just flown past is watching their every move.  
  


# 33\. Rehearsals.

The next couple of days are a whirlwind of rehearsals, choreography, learning and lots of ticker tape – the real kind, not the frozen sort that fluttered down a periwinkle sky on Mandalay 7x6-FR1. The crew of SS Progress left the harmless planet one moon-cycle ago and are well on their way to the second stop of their circus tour: Kepler-22b, a planet known for its vast oceans and lush beaches.

The on-board computer keeps telling everyone that their journey to Kepler-22b is a potentially dangerous one and that this area of space of full of scavengers, but Rob stopped listening to the warnings a long time ago. When he attended his first rehearsals, in fact. He doesn’t see the point of worrying about scavengers and criminals when he’s too busy trying to memorize a dance routine involving balloons and crewmen dressed up as clowns. Besides, he’s got kissing Gary to distract him.

The rehearsals all take place in a holographic tent in the Graph Vault, with Gary overlooking everything as the ringmaster/captain. (Even though Gary is the captain of the ship, it does not mean that he has to be at the bridge at all times. Thankfully he has his crew to fly the ship for him, which means he can attend most if not all rehearsals.) Rob has been given a place in the entourage, which means he dances in the back when other more important people show off their skills.

The first couple of days were very, very difficult for Rob. It took him four days to grasp a routine created by Ensign Gas, a handsome choreographer who works on the bridge on weekends. Rob has also accidentally popped a blue balloon – a very important stage prop – several times, and once did he miss his cue at the start of another performance involving a fire-breather.

Thankfully, all the other performers were quite patient with him. He thought that everyone would bully him or that the fire-breather would try to set him on fire, but everyone was surprisingly kind, suspiciously so. Perhaps everyone had noticed the way the captain kept looking at him: with admiring green eyes, and an expression in his smile as though he couldn’t tell whether Rob was the most intimidating or most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Gary looks at him like that a lot of the time, Rob has noticed. It’s a mix of fear and curiosity. The fear comes mostly from Rob being unpredictable: breaking choreography in the middle of a dangerous knife-throwing act, or engaging with other performers when Ensign Gas had repeatedly told him not to. One time, Gary had actually slapped Rob’s arse after one such error. ‘Tell you what, Rob,’ he whispered so that none of the other crew could hear, ‘I’m almost beginning to wonder if you do the choreography wrong on purpose, it happens so often!’

‘Maybe I do,’ Rob had replied. He stuck out his tongue at Gary and returned to the correct position with a twinkle in his eyes.

It took Gary several rehearsals to realise that Rob was, indeed, being difficult on purpose. He wasn’t doing it because he wanted to ruin rehearsals or because he hated everyone – he was doing it because _it made people laugh._

The rehearsals for the circus shows had always been quite serious, almost too serious, but the moment Rob joined it was as if the gravity in the room had shifted and everyone could smile again.

Rob becoming a part of the entourage turned out to be almost as important as Mark becoming creative director all those moon-cycles ago. Suddenly, the crew started to _like_ Rob. He was no longer being called a “stowaway” or an “intruder”, but “the funny one”. “Rob”. Finally he was a part of something.

On a more personal level, Rob taking part in rehearsals meant that Gary and Rob could spend almost every morning together; sometimes staring at each other from afar, sometimes squeezed tight in the tiny backstage area in the holographic big top, Rob pinching Gary’s arse when no-one was looking.

They still haven’t done anything remotely grown-up, however. There’s just never any time! They’re always rehearsing, or in the middle of making very important decisions on the bridge of the ship, in Gary’s case.

And while kissing is a whole lot of fun, it’s been ages since Gary’s had a decent fuck. Rob seems to have sensed this, because he’s the most awful tease, making fun of Gary whenever he misses a cue or messes up a note on his piano. ‘Bet you were thinkin’ about me naked just now,’ he’ll tease. Or: ‘I knew you were seriously pinin’ for me, Captain, but I didn’t think it was _that_ bad!’ after Gary had once shoved his microphone into the pocket of his trousers, not thinking about what it would look like from the side.

Oh, if only Gary could have a day off! Then he would invite Rob to his private quarters and show him every inch of his water bed _and_ his floor. He’d play slow music from the 21st century, and afterwards they’d head to the observation deck for a cuddle and a good chat about their favourite starships.  
  


# 34\. All your base are belong to us.

Several days later. Something shoots into the sky, as quick as a bullet. You’d be forgiven for thinking it’s a space rocket, but it’s actually one of the female circus performers being shot into the sky from a cannon. In another part of the tent, a flash goes off, and confetti bursts into the air. The fire-eater blows fire from his nostrils while a magician makes a large moonrock disappear. Howard performs a complicated-looking choreography with two other dancers. Elly the elephant trumpets loudly, Mark looking proud and just a bit nervous on her back.

This is the big finale of the show, and it’s a wonderful mess of colours and activity. Even Rob, the newbie, has a reasonably big role. During the finale, he has the important task of throwing paper stars into the audience: rare little mementoes for the audience to take home with them.

It’s easily his best rehearsal thus far. He has not gotten anything wrong this time, and once or twice he would swear he can see Gary smiling at him with pride (and a little something else that words can’t describe).

A trumpeting bellow from Elly announces that the show – yet another rehearsal – is reaching its climax.

Rob can feel the heat from the fire-eater’s flames licking his heels as he reaches into the basket under his left arm and gets out his final paper star.

He spots a fake holographic child in the audience, aims, throws —

— and the paper star ends up hitting a stark grey wall.

He blinks. The holographic tent has disappeared. It’s been replaced with the dull interior of the empty Graph Vault, with nothing inside it but four grey walls and an equally grey ceiling.

As Rob strains to make sense of it, everyone looks as confused as he feels. ‘Where has the tent gone?’ asks Mark, as he climbs off Elly’s back a little unsteadily.

‘Did someone abort the simulation by accident?’ asks another.

Someone dressed up as a clown mutters something in an alien language. Rob’s pretty sure it’s an expletive.

Gary, meanwhile, doesn’t look in the least bit put-out. He’s a captain and a performer; he’s used to things going wrong every now and then. He addresses the on-board computer calmly, his arms akimbo. ‘Computer, re-start simulation “Lonely Balloon”.’

**‘I am afraid that is not possible, Captain,’** the voice of the computer responds coolly. **‘We are currently being hailed by the Northern Space Alliance. They wish to speak to you.’**

_The Northern Space Alliance._ A murmur runs through the group of circus performers.

A sinking feeling of nausea creeps up on Rob when he can see Gary’s calm mask slipping off his face. He glances at Rob from across the room, a worried look in his eyes. At that moment, Rob would swear the universe just tipped sideways.

_This is bad_ , he thinks. _This is very, very bad._

There’s only one reason why the Northern Space would want to speak to a regular starship, and it’s nothing good.

‘Get them on screen.’ Gary’s terse tone is belied by the worried look in his eyes. He tries his hardest to smile, but everyone in the room can see that this is Captain Barlow at his most scared.

A holographic screen appears on the grey ceiling of the empty Graph Vault. The crew move closer to look at it, some still wearing their costumes. The fire-eater puts out one of his flaming rods. Elly the elephant wanders off into the endless expanse of the empty room.

The screen shows two serious-looking women and one man. They’re wearing Northern Space uniforms, but not the type of uniforms the crew of S.S. Progress wear.

These people are _officers_. Law enforcers.

_They’re here for him_. Rob knows it instantly. His heart skips a few beats and then starts thundering when everyone in the room glances at him conspiratorially.

_‘Hide!’_ one of the knife jugglers mouths at him. ‘ _Quick!’_

Rob tries to make himself look small and insignificant behind one of the crewmen still donning a clown costume. Suddenly the room doesn’t seem so joyous anymore.

‘Good morning, Captain Barlow.’ One of the female officers smiles wanly into the camera. She is wearing an impeccable uniform, and she has short black hair and thick eyebrows. ‘How is the Kepler system treating you?’

‘Very well, Chief of Security Hardy,’ Gary says. Several crew members nod in agreement. His voice has an edge to it. ‘We’ve just been to Mandalay 7x6-FR1, we have.’

‘Interesting! So have we,’ Chief Hardy says, an acid tone creeping into her voice. Rob doesn’t like the sound of it at all. ‘Our scans picked up on something _very_ interesting while we were there. Or should I say – _someone?_ ’

Rob’s heart skips a beat. Two of the crew glance in his direction.

Gary’s smile falters. His voice sounds more high-pitched than Rob has ever heard it. He tries to hold himself as stiffly as possible. ‘What do you mean?’

The Chief of Security smiles. She looks like she knows a big secret and is contemplating whether to tell it. ‘Our scans tell us you have one extra person on board of your ship. Which is interesting, because Northern Space ships aren’t allowed to employ extra members of crew without our permission. We have reason to believe that this . . . _extra_ person is, in fact, the stowaway who was spotted on Trafford Spaceport on the day of your departure – even though you had told us you’d get rid of him.’ She cocks her head. ‘Unless the data from our E-type patrol ship is wrong, Captain?’

Blood rushes to Gary’s cheeks. _The E-type starship on Mandalay 7x6-FR1!_

‘I sent away the stowaway two moon-phases ago,’ Gary lies. He tries to signal to the crew with his eyes: _Not a word, or else._

Chief Hardy scoffs. There’s a tone of scepticism in her voice. ‘You sent him away, did you, Captain? Are you really sure about that?’

‘Of course,’ Gary bristles. It surprises him how easily the lie slips off his tongue. Several crewmen nod and murmur ‘yes’ in agreement.

‘In that case, you probably won’t mind if we come see for ourselves.’ Chief Hardy smiles at the screen wickedly. Her glance could have burned Gary’s skin. ‘Do come and meet us on the bridge, will you?’

Before Gary can so much protest, the holographic screen turns itself off, and the on-board computer announces that Northern Space have just transported themselves on board using the ship’s transmaton. **‘They’re on their way to the bridge as we speak, Captain.’**

Gary swears loudly. He locks eyes with Rob, who looks as pale as a moon. He snaps himself into Captain Mode and addresses three crewmen dressed as clowns. ‘You three – keep the officers busy. Make sure they don’t reach the bridge until I meet them there myself. Adrian, try to delete all the evidence from today’s rehearsals from the system. Do _not_ tell them Rob is part of the entourage. Ensign Blatt – get Rob a red engineering uniform, quickly!’

The crew members don’t need telling twice. They sprint out of the Graph Vault still wearing their costumes.

The fire-eater holds up one of his rods. ‘Do you need me to set one of the officers on fire, Captain?’

Gary shoots him a discouraging look. The fire-eater sighs.

‘What can _we_ do?’ Mark pipes in, his voice very small.

‘I need you all to lie,’ Gary orders. ‘If Northern Space finds out I kept Rob on board, we’ll _all_ be out of a job – not just me. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll make sure the officers never find Rob here.’ He hands out more orders to crewmen Hepburn and Pomeroy, and orders Mark and Howard to tell the other crewmen who aren’t part of the circus entourage what is going on, quickly.

He turns to Rob last. He places his hands on Rob’s shaking shoulders and pierces him with a stare Rob wishes he’ll never see again. ‘I need you to go and hide, all right?’

‘But—’

‘That’s an order, Rob.’ Rob can feel the warmth of Gary’s hands through the fabric of his hoodie, as though they are on fire. It feels like they had their first kiss only hours ago. ‘You will hide inside your cabin, and meanwhile I’ll make sure the officers never find you. If necessary, you’ll dress up as an engineer to make the officers think you’re part of the crew. I will ask the on-board computer to give you a signal when the officers have left, but in the meantime you _must_ stay hidden. Is that understood?’

Rob swallows hard. In very different circumstances, he would have loved Gary ordering him about like this. ‘Do this.’ ‘Do that.’ ‘Get on your knees, Rob,’ with Rob whispering ‘yes, Captain’ before taking Gary’s hardening cock inside his mouth.

This wasn’t quite the order he was expecting.

‘ _Rob_.’ Gary’s look could freeze the oceans of Mars. ‘Is. That. Understood.’

Rob nods. His head has never felt heavier. ‘Yes, Captain.’

‘Good. Now _hide_. To your cabin, quick!’


End file.
